> >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources
> >> Director
> >>
> >> TO: All Employees
> >>
> >> DATE: October 01, 2007
> >>
> >> RE:
> >> Christmas Party
> >>
> >> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
> >> place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
> >> at the Grill House.
> >>
> >> There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
> >> band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
> >>
> >> And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!
> >>
> >> A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among
> >> employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
> >> $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
> >> gathering is only for employees!
> >>
> >> Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
> >>
> >> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
> >>
> >>
> >> Patty
> >>
> >> ************************************************** *
> >>
> >>
> >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>
> >> TO: All
> >> Employees
> >>
> >> DATE: October 02, 2007
> >>
> >> RE: Holiday Party
> >>
> >> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
> >> employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
> >> often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> >> However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
> >>
> >> The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians
> >> or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
> >>
> >>
> >> There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.
> >>
> >>
> >> We will have other types of music. Happy now?
> >>
> >> Happy Holidays
> >> to you and your family.
> >>
> >> Patty
> >>
> >>
> >> ************************************************** ***
> >>
> >> FROM:
> >> Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>
> >> TO: All Employees
> >>
> >> DA TE:
> >> October 03, 2007
> >>
> >> RE: Holiday Party
> >>
> >>
> >> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> >> requesting a nondrinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
> >> happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
> >> that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
> >> supposed to handle this?
> >> Somebody?
> >>
> >> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
> >> the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
> >> believe $ 10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE
> >> ALLOWED.
> >>
> >> ************************************************** ***
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>
> >> To: All
> >> Employees
> >>
> >> RE: Holiday Party
> >>
> >>
> >> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
> >> the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
> >> during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
> >> appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
> >> our Muslim employees'
> >> beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
> >> until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to
> >> take it home in
> >> little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
> >>
> >> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
> >> farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant w omen will get the
> >> table closest to the rest-rooms.
> >>
> >>
> >> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
> >> with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
> >> flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking
> >> permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.
> >>
> >> We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
> >> available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
> >> food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste
> >> first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
> >> restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
> >> Sorry!
> >>
> >> Did I miss anything?!?!?
> >>
> >> ************************************************
> >>
> >>
> >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>
> >> TO: All F****** Employees
> >>
> >> DATE: October 05, 2007
> >>
> >> RE: The F****** Holiday Party
> >>
> >>
> >> Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
> >> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
> >> sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you
> >> so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including
> >> organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They
> >> scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
> >> scream right NOW!
> >>
> >> I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
> >>
> >> Drive drunk and die,
> >>
> >> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
> >>
> >>
> >> *********************** **********************
> >>
> >> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> >>
> >> DATE: October 06, 2007
> >>
> >> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
> >>
> >> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
> >> recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
> >> meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
> >> everyone the afternoon of the 23 RD off with full pay.
> >>
> >> Happy Holidays!
> >>
> >> Joan