She doesn't lack for much of anything else tho

You might well ask why boobs are sexuallized at all, much less the nipples...

I have a theory, totally unencumbered by the thought process, but it would take too long for me to cover all the bases here...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.