Man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.' 'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again , but something happened. I'm trying to break this to you gently, but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

The bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on. 'The good news is that you've got $30,000 compensation coming to you and we now have the technology to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact. But, the thing is, it doesn't come cheap - it's a thousand dollars an inch.'

The bloke perks up at this.

'So, the thing is' says the doctor, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher, she might be disappointed. So, it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

The bloke agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and says, 'Well, my dear fellow, have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have.' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has' says the bloke.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .

'We're getting a new kitchen.'

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