This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:


Once upon a time


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in a land far away,


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a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess


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happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues

on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.


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The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady,

I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.


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One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back

into the dapper, young prince that I am

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and then, my sweet, we can marry


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and set up housekeeping in your castle


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with my mother,


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where you can prepare my meals,


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clean my clothes, bear my children,


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and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "

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That night,

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as the princess dined sumptuously

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on lightly sautéed frog legs

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seasoned in a white wine

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and onion cream sauce,

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she chuckled and thought to herself:

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I don't {bleeping} think so.