The 1st part is a girl's apology email for cheating.
2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to HIS entire address
book and is now circulating everywhere.

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or
anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us
had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you
being p1ssed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly
words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking
that you see me as a different person. It is weird, The world looked
funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are
songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if
you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I
know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is
something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

******************************************

RESPONSE:

Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for
"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to
carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of
whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes
while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you
ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is
grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm
not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a
public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to
think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean
slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny"
to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,

Brad


Heeheehee

DM

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind