(Loo's = Toilets, for those who don't know!!
)
>When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women
>waiting, you smile politely and take your place in the line, it finally
>gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.
>
>Every cubicle is occupied.
>
>But eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
>woman leaving the cubicle.
>
>You get in to find the door won¹t lock. It doesn¹t matter, the wait has
>been so long and you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the
>modern "seat covers" is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on
>the door hook if there was one, but there isn¹t so you carefully, but
>quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants and assume "the
>position".
>
>In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
>You would love to sit down, but you certainly hadn¹t taken time to wipe
>the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "the position".
>
>To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach for
>the toilet paper dispenser and your worst nightmare it¹s empty, the
>toilet roll dispenser is empty...You hover looking around in the hope
>there's a new roll behind you * no such luck. Your thighs start to
>shake more.
>
>Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday
>the one that¹s still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck &
>shoulders with the weight. So you contort your arm into a very
>unnatural position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths
>of your handbag for that small crumpled used tissue no bigger than your
>thumbnail.
>
>Someone pushes your door cubicle door and because the latch doesn't
>work the door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding
>your bag around your neck while you are rummaging for that used tissue,
>the door takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and
>topple backwards. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach to push the door
>shut and drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just
>managed to retrieve with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on
>the floor.
>
>If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up
>and... sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT
>
>Yes - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
>
>Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ &
>life form that lives on the uncovered seat.
>
>By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
>confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a fire
>hose into the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that completely
>covers your bum and runs downs your legs along with all the various
>life forms and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped
>to your ankles with your hems soaking up that puddle from the floor.
>
>The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab
>onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
>
>At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the
>wet toilet seat.
>
>You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self with a piece of gum wrapper
>you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the
>sinks.
>
>You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands
>underneath it grateful for the two drops of water there and around the
>basin itself.
>
>You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting,
>where of course there are no paper towels so you move onto the hand
>blower, which yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either!
>
>You're no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there's an
>unspoken nderstanding between you all.
>
>A kind soul at the very end of the line of women points out that you
>have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that
>when you NEEDED IT??? You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in
>the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
>
>As you exit you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and
>left the men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is
>your handbag hanging around your neck?"
>
>This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loos. It
>also helps explain to the men why it really does take us women so long
>and it also answers that commonly asked question * Why do women always
>go to the loos in pairs?
>
>It's so your friend can hold the door, hang onto your bag and pass you
>tissue under the door!
>
>'NUFF SAID ...