An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

Doc advises:

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat two days, skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you
>should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded...

"I'll tell you though, by Jesuz, I t'aut I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No", the Irishman said, "from feckin' skipping"........

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The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind