>>>Oil Change instructions for Women:
> >>>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
> >>>the last oil change.
> >>>2) Drink a cup of coffee
> >>>3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> >>>maintained vehicle.
> >>>Money spent:
> >>>Oil Change: $20.00
> >>>Coffee: $1.00
> >>>Total: $21.00
> >>>
> >>>Oil Change instructions for Men :
> >>>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
of
> >>>oil, filter, kitty litter , hand cleaner and a scented tree, write
> >>>a check for $50.00.
> >>>2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
drive
>home.
> >>>3) Open a beer and drink it.
> >>>4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >>>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >>>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> >>>7) Place drain pan under engine.
> >>>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >>>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> >>>1 0) Unscrew drain plug.
> >>>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> >>>process. Cuss.
> >>>12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> >>>Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> >>>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> >>>14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> >>>15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> >>>filter and twist off.
> >>>16 Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> >>>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter in trash can
> >>>to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> >>>17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
> >>>to gasket surface.
> >>>18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >>>19) Remember drain plug from step 11..
> >>>20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >>>21) Drink beer.
> >>>22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> >>>Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
> >>>23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> >>>24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
> >>>oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent
wrench
> >>>tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any
> >>>excess skin between knuckles a nd frame.
> >>>25) Begin cussing fit.
> >>>26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> >>>27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling
trophy.
> >>>28) Beer.
> >>>29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> >>>30) Beer.
> >>>31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> >>>32) Beer.
> >>>33) Lower car from jack stands.
> >>>34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> >>>during any missed steps.
> >>>35) Beer.
> >>>36) Test drive car.
> >>>37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> >>>38) Car gets impounded.
> >>>39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> >>>40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> >>>
> >>>Money spent:
> >>>Parts: $50.0 0
> >>>DUI: $2500.00
> >>>Impound fee: $75.00
> >>>Bail: $1500.00
> >>>Beer: $20.00
> >>>Total: $4,145.00
> >>>But you know the job was done right!
> >