Things you'll never hear from a woman:


You know, I've been complaining a lot lately.
I don't blame you for ignoring me.

The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too,
I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed.
If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

Bar food again! Kick ass!

I liked that wedding even more than ours.
Your ex-girlfriend has class.

That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am.
Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times,
then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

Honey, come here!
Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass.

My mother is going to take care of the tab,
so order another round for you and your friends.

I'm so happy with my new hairstyle.
I don't think I'll ever change it again.

Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.
You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!

You are so much smarter than my father.

If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

You're so sexy when you're hung over.

I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

Let's subscribe to Hustler.

I'll be out painting the house.

I love it when you ride your Harley,
I just wish you had more time to ride.

Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

Your mother is way better than mine.

Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing
and buy yourself something.

Listen, I make enough money for the both of us,
why don't you retire?

Look! My ass is fatter than yours!

Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

__________________
It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus