DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

Ø 40-ish..................................49.
Ø Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.
Ø Athletic................................No breasts.
Ø Average looking.....................Moooo.
Ø Beautiful..............................Pathologica l liar.
Ø Emotionally Secure..................On medication.
Ø Feminist...............................Fat.
Ø Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
Ø Friendship first.......................Former Slut.
Ø New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Ø Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s
Ø Open-minded.........................Desperate.
Ø Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Ø Professional...........................Bitch.
Ø Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
Ø Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
Ø Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø Yes.....................................No
Ø No......................................Yes
Ø Maybe.................................No
Ø We need...............................I want
Ø I'm sorry.............................You'll be sorry
Ø We need to talk......................You're in trouble
Ø Sure, go ahead........................You better not
Ø Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
Ø I am not upset........................Of course, I'm upset, you moron!
Ø You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø I am hungry...........................I am hungry
Ø I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
Ø I am tired..............................I am tired
Ø Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
Ø I love you..............................Let's have sex now
Ø I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
Ø May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.

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Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.