Fw: quotes from Edinburgh Festival...


> >
> >I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a
>goat.
> >Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms
> >
> >Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
> >Jimmy Carr
> >
> >The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to
> >arm bears.
> >Chris Addison at the Pleasance
> >
> >My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent
most
>of
> >our family holidays in Customs.
> >Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
> >
> >The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died. Dido must be
> >sh*tting herself.
> >Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance
> >
> >My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but
> >I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get
> >me
>to
> >sleep at night.
> >Susan Murray at the Underbelly
> >
> >Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind
>people
> >were given pointed sticks?
> >Adam Bloom at the Pleasance
> >
> >You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
> >because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
> >flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening...
> >Self-raising?"
> >Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms
> >
> >I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have
thought

> >the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
> >Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron
> >
> >I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take
the

> >Girl out of Cork...
> >Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco
> >
> >Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
>Turned
> >out it was a bloody hoax.
> >Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance
> >
> >Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both
a

> >winner and a loser at the same time.
> >Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms
> >
> >A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".
> >The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go
> >join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with
a

> >plumber".
> >Steven Alan Green at C34
> >
> >Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda.
> >Brendon Burns at the Pleasance
> >
> >It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
> >Chris Addison at the Pleasance
> >
> >I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not
> >very good at it.
> >Arnold Brown at The Stand
> >
> >If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
> >tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of
fire.

> >They're trained for that.
> >Milton Jones at the Underbelly

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