Deep and Dark huh?

OMG.....I could write a book.....just how much space am I allowed here anyway?

OK......Here goes!

My father was an alcoholic. My mother was a diagnosed "Paranoid Schizophrenic". I have 3 sisters and 1 brother and all the while we were growing up we were afraid we may aquire one or both of these diseases. As I got older I investigated the possibilities of developing schizophrenia and found that it is not necessarily inherited....but can be....and/or a few other residual medical problems can be passed to me and my siblings. I do have a mild form of an OCD (Obscessive/Compulsive Disorder) in that I am a clean FREAK! I have a mild case of paranoia as well. All of you who know (somewhat) me will attest to this. And I do say "mild" because I know many people that think that the guys in the football huddle are talking about them...I have given up on that theory. I know they don't discuss me anymore! LOL! I have purposely/conscientiously kept my alcohol consumption in check. My siblings all exhibit some form of what my parents passed down. My brother (the oldest) was/is (I say was/is because he is missing and we haven't seen him in almost 13 years) a heroin drug addict. He stole from my mother to aid his addiction and had been in prison many times. I don't know at this writing if he is dead or alive. We've searched the country with the aid of my bro-in-law, a State Cop, to no avail. My older sister (2 years older than me) is nuts! What I mean to say is she and I have never really gotten along. She "shunned" the family (in shame I am assuming) while my parents were alive and now that they are gone, acts as if "family" is the nearest and dearest thing on this planet. She has had a "nervous breakdown" and has been in a mental hospital at one time for "her nerves". Yep, she's nuts! I am the middle child. My sister below me has followed in my mother's footsteps and denies any association of the correlation between her and Mom. Yet she has 5 children (4 girls and a boy) and she has a definate "split personality" at times. One moment she is talking very nice to me and the next she is screaming at me and hanging up the phone. Only to call back and appologize and turn around and do it again! My baby sister and I assume we are the only "normal" kids in the family although she has had her moments as well. In her younger days she was very permiscuous (a residual effect, I found in studying schizophrenia in heridity). But in all actuality I have found that ours is not the only disfunctional family on the planet. So no judgements here, please!

Oh....and also.........I am just so brutally honest to a fault at times and I never know when to shut up! I DO NOT have that "stop" thingy in my brain that most everyone else has. I say things and blurt things out and think about them later....my hind sight is 100% though.....something I am very proud of........NOT! LOL! I have many more deep dark secrets.....but I will let someone else have a crack at this before I use up all the space at Pixies.

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~