SCOTTISH HUMOUR
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How Tough Are the Scots?
The following comparisons of the attitude of the Scots to different levels
of temperature, compared with those in some other parts of the world, has
been circulating on the Net. My thanks to a reader who passed me a copy.

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland
sunbathe.
35 degrees - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the
windows down.
20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in
Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland
go swimming in the sea.
0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on. People in Scotland have a
last barbecue before it gets cold.
-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct. People in Scotland lick
flagpoles instead of ice lollipops.
-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico. People in Scotland throw
on a light jacket.
-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Scottish Boy Scouts
postpone winter survival exercise until it gets cold enough.
-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland wear
a vest and put something on under their kilts.
-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland are angry 'cos
they can't thaw their whisky bottles.
-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt. Scottish cows
complain of farmers with cold hands.
-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying
"Aye it's a bit cooler today... eh?"
-500 degrees - Hell freezes over. Scottish people support England in the
World Cup

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The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind