Dear Mrs. Cottrell:

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. R.D. Cottrell has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Cottrell have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Underpants
President and CEO of Wal-mart Complaint Department

************************************************** *******
MEMO
RE: Mr R.D. Cottrell-Complaints

Things Mr. R.D. Cottrell has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they were not looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an offical tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares...and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION-WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he know where the anit-depressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, prracticed his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!".

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams " NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

__________________
DAMN, YOU ARE A SEXY ONE-skipthisone

I beleive in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I beleive in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Kevin Costner/Bull Duram

"Your body as well as mine has needs. This is juat a little foreplay to highten our desire for each other. If we play out the game of love to it's natural conclusion, you'll experience fulfillment. Give yourself up to me and I'll guide you along the path to pareadise. Together we will be like fire and ice, love and hate, life and death." Virginia Henley

WANTED: a moment when you kiss someone and eveything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person and you relize that he is the only person your suppose to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. You want to laugh and you want to cry. Cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared it will all go away at the same time.