Once many years ago, my ex-husband and I were having a great time. My knee collided with his eye and my knee hurt like hell... as did his eye. We were having such a good time that we decided to ignore it. But the next day I had a sore limp and he had an enormous black eye, and his eyeball was bright red.

Other than that, there have been occasional farts, cramps and wet dog nose on my ass when I was on all fours.

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Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~