[Just so you know, Asda is the UK arm of (Walmart) ]


One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind
him,
"My elbow hurts like hell, I suppose I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies,
"there's a diagnostic computer at Asda, Just give it a urine sample and
the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and only costs five pounds...A lot quicker and better
than a doctor".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Asda.

He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for
the urine sample.

He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,
the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm
in warm water and avoid heavy activity, It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled!

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good
measure.
Jack hurried back to Asda, eager to check what would happen.
He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will
never get better...Thank you for shopping at Asda.

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind