Some of these are new (to me).

Haha! A few of these are great!


My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
pig.

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating