Lust versus Logic
 

I really need some help. I have a bit of a situation on my hands at present. A guy i've known for some time and always kind of liked recently split up with his finacee. Coincidentally, i have just gone through a simlar thing, but this guy and i got our timing all wrong and he started seeing this other girl shortly after his split. This girl is considerably younger than him (just turned 18 and he's 30) and she is a virgin. They've been together for six months now and their relationship is still heading nowhere near sex. Apparently she just doesn't want to know and to be honest i think she's got a lot of growing up to do before she should consider a sexual relationship. She is the least sexual person i know, and he is the most sexual person i know!

The problem is yesterday he and I spent some time alone together (for the first time ever) and it has come to light that we both really really lust for each other. To be honest, we were closer than we should have been yesterday, but we didn't do anything really wrong, however the desire was most definitely there.

I'm not in love with him or anything and he's not in love with me or her, so i don't know what to do. I really want to just go with it and have some great sex with him (it's been a while for both of us!) but this girl is in the same circle of friends as me and if anyone finds out about him and me, it will be me who looks like the bad guy and i'll lose friends (at least short term). The thing is that i know i wouldn't lose any of the friends i really care about, but i will undoubtedly be pushed out of the wider social circle for a while.

I know what is the right thing to do, but i'm not sure i can be bothered to 'do the right thing'. Life is short, you know??

Should i go with the flow and leave her to fend for herself, now that she's 'playing with the grown-ups' because the relationship is not going to last anyway (he has told me that) or should i hold off and wait until he 'does the right thing' and risk losing my chance to have some fun with this really sexy guy? I'm so muddled!!!!

This is a hard one to deal with. I understand what your're saying. On one hand, know that it is wrong to mess with a guy in a realationship, and on the other hand, you do only live once. Being a part of a social circle is not important as long as you still have those friends that you still care about. If these people are true friends, they will give you the chance to explain yourself if you go after this guy and they will not judge you for your actions. Go with your instincts on this one :)

If this guy is a sex mechine, odds are he is trying to get this girl to sleep with him, and she might not be ready yet, so if they do, it would probably do nothing but hurt her, besides the fact of the age diffrance. It is up to you what you do, either way it could be considered and "evil" go with which ever you think is the lesser evil.

i tend to be a bit of a boy scout iwould stay out of
it how would you feel if it was done to you he needs
to deal with his relationship you sleeping together
will not help

He's decided the relationship isn't going to last?? Then why have it at all? I'm a bit of a romantic at heart I know, but if he doesn't love her, and there's no sex, then what's in it for him? Why is he still in the relationship? Why doesn't he try and find someone who's right for him?
As for you two, well it doesn't matter if you live for another year or a hundred years. Never mess with another person's S.O.!!
If I were you, I'd counsel him to maybe seek a relationship he's more comfortable in - if he's already decided it's not going to last then it can't be good for either of them to drag it out. And if he takes your advice and breaks it off with her, well bingo! You two can have mad animal sex till your hearts, or libidos at least, are content! :)

Best of luck, let us know what happens.
CasperTG

Having fun is one thing, but if that concerns and endangers any existing relation (with future or not) I clearly say don´t do it! Life is not THAT short.

Well AK, I guess I am the only one that would jump on it.

I tend to agree with you, his girlfriend is a young girl playing in a big girls world, so get yourself a little release and hop on his train for a little fun.

Thanks for your feedback guys!

Casper - i've asked him all those questions and he can't satisfacorily answer any of them. I've been working on that kind of approach since February and it seems to have reached this, er, crescendo.

I've always had a 'don't mess with someone in a relationship' kind of attitude, but now i'm really faced with it it's difficult. He is not pressuring her into sex, but i know that is an issue and believe it or not, i've even tried to suggest ways in which to get her to open up a little more sexually, but to be honest, she's got so much to learn about sex. I happen to know that she doesn't masturbate and really doesn't seem to have any kind of sexual energy, as it were, so even if they did have sex i think it would probably be disastrous!

I think i'll just have to wait and see what happens. To be honest, now that we've sussed each other out in terms of how much we want each other, i think he's going to do his utmost to avoid me so that he can't be tempted. It's so complicated!!!!!

One chick on your dick (really or figuratively) at a time.

Finish one, start another, is the recipe for happiness.

Outcompete the young chick or look elsewhere, for it'll hurt otherwise.

A.K.'s Sex-Pot---I am not one to give others advice.I have fooled
around (mutual masturbation)with a friends wife;years ago!I always thought that it wasn't worth it;because;a friendship;could
be ruined;also;my fiance(now my wife)might find out and she is;
extremelyand understandably;jealous!The other time was with a
friends exwife.I had time to make sure it wouldn't bother him first.
I would say that;if you're not messing up anothers relationship;go
for it!All in all;it's up;to you! Irish
P.S.Speaking from experience;a moment of pleasure;isn't worth a
lifetime of regret.I must be getting old!!That doesn't even sound;
like me.

Short and simple advice from me Dont mess with relationships, if it breaks up, pounce. Otherwise stay clear.

I completely agree with Casper - if the relationship isn't going to last, why is he in it? Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but it sort of seems that you're reading too much into her sex drive. It seems like you've decided they're not meant to be together. If he breaks up with her soon, then pounce. If not, I'd move on.

My thought is - forget all about her - you said you're friends with him .... so do you really want to put your friend in a place where he feels guilt and/or shame everytime he's around you... if you have no place of honor within your friendships, then it doesn't matter how big or how small your remaining circle is, you've cut yourself out of the one you'd like to keep. Just my thoughts anyway. j

My advice is -- control that lust, woman! At least as long as he is with the other chickie. Maybe some great masturbation with fantasies of this guy running through your head?

I say, don't do anything with him until they split.

-SC