cheating? or innocent fun?
 

My husband is addicted to this site. I have made it clear that I don't appreciate him discussing sex (especially if it's about me) with other people on line. He refuses to give it up. I think he is obsessed with some thing or some one on this site. He is constantly sending and receiving "private messages".

He says it's just innocent fun - I say it's cheating. What do you think?

I agree. Good advice

Does he let you in on the "private messages"?

I feel a bit different on this subject.

I don't feel that it's cheating nor do I think it should be looked at as a threat to a relationship.

Many people here are wonderful folks willing to have friendships aside from the fact of where they met.

Sending and recieving PM's doesn't mean anything bad is going on or that it IS going to happen.

Even if people do participate in cybersex, I still don't consider that cheating or threatening. I view it as no different than watching or reading porno. Nope, I see it as personal porno.

Yes. I'm weird.

I do think sometimes people over react to sexual innuendo or discussions especially when their partners have them with online "strangers"...
I have always felt that society is too uptight about sex and THAT makes the topic feel threatening to those who are a bit on the prudish side.

***disclaimer: nothing wrong with being prudish, my own mother being the biggest prude in the world! god love her. :)

I'd have to say that while it may not be "technically" cheating it is still a betrayal of the relationship. However, the PMs maybe innocent talking and no cybersex is going on. If he is acting funny about it then I'd be suspicious also. I'd also like to add my $.02 about being a prude. Personally, I feel that expecting a certain level of trust and loyalty from your husband is not being prudish. That is just what your relationship is about...others have different ideals about what marriage is.

Mrs. Bobo

Interesting perspective, Randy. I agree with most of what you wrote, however, I think cybersex is a modern form of cheating. If you bring someone to orgasm, even if it is through words could be considered cheating . . . I think it's really cool that so many couples contribute to this site . . . do the contributing couples consider cybering a form of swinging?

So if someone masturbates to porn magazines or a movie is that cheating?

I'm thinking that it is then to many people.

so... if i bust one readin' what some chick types to someone else in a chatroom, is that considered voyeurism?

damnit, Randy, you stole my opening "so". *shakes fist all aggravated-like*

I just want to add a reason or two why I have the views that I do.

For many years I've known several men who were AWFUL to their wives....

BUT they never cheated on them.

Those women were put down and humiliated at home....

but the husbands never cheated on them.

If it were ME in those womens shoes I would have WISHED for a kind husband and would have put up with cheating before I put up with what they did for so many years.

Yep again. I'm an odd duck with very odd views sometimes. :)

p.s. sorry reverend silly...er...SILKY. didn't mean to steal your thunder....
by the way, you are in top form tonite dear. ;)

what constitutes cheating... man, that one has been discussed in at least two or three threads around here before (some very interesting points of view I must add)...

I am not sure that chatting on-line or looking at magazines (etc) would be considered cheating...

But, if it is something that your partner has made clear that they do not like AND you agreed not to do it, but continue to do it... then it is a violation of trust. And without trust there can be no good relationship!

If your partner is up front about it, and you do not like it, then it is just time to sit down have that long talk and figure out how the relationship is going to proceed... is this enough for you to move on? or is this something that you are willing to tolerate? if you are willing to move on, is it something that your partner will stop to keep you around? or will they let you go?

[hmm, feeling the soap-box which I have no right to be standing on creaking below me... stepping off now]

"...we'll eat your children and steal your thunder". damn, i love Cake. it's alright, Randy... this time. *wags finger in a warning manner*

Ahhh but MilkToast (which by the way I think your name is great)....

trust. I sometimes wonder if we build too much on trust.

Do you think women tell their husbands how much they spend at the hairdresser? Their husbands know that it costs alot so the woman lies to him and tells him that it costs less than it really does.

Trust issue?

Or just avoiding conflict?

Is avoiding conflict always a problem?

Sometimes one partner NEEDS to vent or talk about things which the other one views as threatening.
Sometimes the whole issue of trust is more of a control issue.

**Ugh. Please don't flame me or hate me...I know my ideas are unusual...and sometimes I'm only playing devils advocate to get other ideas on the table**