Two friends breaking up is hard to do
 

**Just to let you know right away, that Mayhem and I are NOT breaking up. We are just fine, and I get to see him in less than a week.**

I just got some bad news about 2 good friends of mine. After 8 years of being a couple and about 7 of them living together, he has told her that he doesn't love her anymore and that there is no "fixing it". They are unwed and childless, and except for the occational verbal stab, the relationship was non-violent.

She has been saying for the past year that he was going to break up, but since they had always worked things out before, I didn't really think that it would come to a real break-up. He was the one to finally say that I am done, and from what she told me, he's been thinking about this for several weeks and talking it over with his grandmother. So he has had time to deal with his side of his emotions of breaking up. She is just now dealing with the grief and pain.

Now this is where I come in...I am friends with both, and I don't want to choose sides. She needs more emotional support right now, and I am fully willing to be the one to help her through it. I hate that my friends are hurting, and the peace-maker in me wants to try to mend this broken relationship, but I know (with my brain) that it isn't my job, or what either of them needs. (my heart, on the other hand, argues differently)

These two people are good people on their own rights, and they both are part of my "extended family". I truely love both of them, and the thought of trying to pick between them is like asking me to pick one of my own children to be my favorite. They have helped me through some rough spots in my life.

How do I remain friends with both? How do I stay neutral yet supportive? How do I best approach this situation? How do i not become meddlesome? Anyone with any experience like this?

Hard place. I can remember being friends with a couple as their marriage dissolved. One person has to be the catalyst for the change but as you have indicated the other has known something was wrong for far longer. Neither is wrong, it's just over. It's possible to be friends with both until one person begins pulling away some. That was what I experienced. I spent a lot of time being neutral yet supportive and then as one of them began to move on they needed me less. We remained friends but just not as close or intense.

This is where that time you spent with the circus learning to walk the tightrope over the firepit will prove useful...
All seriousness aside, this will be just about that tricky... every moment you spend with either of this soon-to-be ex couple will be dangerous ground...both will want to vent, & sympathizing without taking sides (or even appearing to) will be a tough nut...hope that you get lucky enough that neither one wants to drag you into the middle, & if you find yourself becoming the rope in this tug-o-war, gently remind the tugger that you are intent on remaining friends with both...

((((Lizz)))) ~~ I'd be sure to tell each that you value them both and want to stay friends. Then just follow your instincts over time.

lizzardbits,

Been there. Done that. I wish you well, but envy you not. Remaining friends with both can be done, just take it as it comes. Follow your feelings - with care.

Good luck.

I'd say the main thing is to let them each know you're not choosing sides and you value each them as a friend. It's a difficult road that lay ahead and I'm sorry I can't offer any more advice.

Thanks All :D She's going to come and stay with me for a few days before I leave for the UK. He is going with a guy friend to the Wisconsin Dells.

When I told my parents what had happened (just in case i was needed to travel to their place, and they could watch my kids) they were truely saddened, too.

He is having her move out, so my parents have said that while I am away, she is more than welcome to stay here.

She is going to seek counselling through her university student health, and they both plan on continuing with college because both have a semester to complete and then they can graduate.

I still haven't talked to him, but she has said that he asks a lot if she has spoken to me that day.

So as with the rest of life, it is day by day.