How do you deal?
 

I was just wondering if anyone could offer suggestions or stories on how they dealt with a miscarriage. I'd really appreciate any help that could be given.

You cry. And then when you think you have cried enough, cry some more. It's a loss, loss of dreams, hopes, innocence. You find people who will listen when you need to tell the story over again or people who will just listen while you say nothing coherent.

PM me if you need anything I can offer :console:

I think you are doing it.:( You go to they cyber world and find real people that really understand and care. :console:

SexKitten_18, feel free to PM me as well. As Lilith states, just finding people who listen is a huge help. Time does help to soften the pain a bit, but it never quite goes away. Rest assured that there are people who do comprehend the enormity of such a loss.

I too am here if you need to talk.

My mother would have said that it was a practice round for a really happy baby.

It is just one of those wonderful pieces of shit life rains on you because happiness without pain has no dimension.

It just wasn't to be.

None of the above mean a thing until you've come to terms with it, and when you have, it'll be surplus to requirements.

I'm a bloke, listen to the girls.

I really appreciate the offers. I do have someone in my life I could talk to about it, but he's got enough going on in his life, I don't want to burden him with this stuff too. The thing I'm having the most difficulty with is I knew there was a chance I was pregnant, but I still let myself get overly stressed about things that shouldnt have stressed me. So right now I'm blaming myself for it happening. I could have prevented it by just calming down and doing yoga or something, but I didn't. I just don't know how to get over the guilt, even with my best friend telling me it wasn't my fault... I just cant stop feeling guilty and disgusted with myself.

Sexkitten_18 - You will go through a whole range of different emotions, and you need to know that whatever you are feeling is absolutely fine. Don't worry about what you think you are SUPPOSED to be feeling, and just try to deal with what you are feeling at the time.

In response to the guilt you feel - it's understandable - I'm learning already that feeling guilty is part of the "parental condition" if you will. Perhaps reading up on some of the facts will help you to realise that this was beyond your control. For example, 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first 3 months. That's a HUGE figure....most of the time it happens for no explicable reason, other than nature preventing you from having a less than perfect baby. Even when everything is done absolutely to the letter by the mother-to-be things can still go wrong in the early stages - life is very delicate thing.

Take care of yourself, and if you need anything from any of us, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's sometimes the bravest and scariest thing to do, but you need to recognise when something is too much for you to bear alone.

If this guy is worth your time, he will WANT you to unload on him and lean on him during this time. Try him out. If you're important to him, he will put you at the top of his priority list.

How far along were you?

Love and Peace to you,
LAW

((((((((((((((Sexkitten_18))))))))))))

Everyone deals with it a different way. My wife and I joined a support group after we lost our son. We had a nurse tell us we should offer counseling to other after we lost our daughter because we took it so well. The support group really did help. The hospital you went to will probably have information on groups in your area.

Just don't blame yourself. There in all likelyhood, wasn't, and isn't anything you could do to prevent it.

SexKitten18

Self-blame is a wonderful thing, in that it gives you ownership and focus over that which you blame yourself for.

Your stress may not have been helpful, but if the child was so fragile that a little stress was enough, the final trimester and labour would have been likely to have been very bad for mother and child.

If you must feel guilt, harness that guilt and make your next child's pregnancy and childhood a joy for you both.

It's not something you learn to live through...it's something you learn to live with.

I wish there were an answer that would ease your pain and put you in a better place, but take peace in knowing you aren't alone.

All good advice so far, not much more to add...we lost 2 at about 12 weeks, & she went thru all the guilt, desparation & self loathing that was only slightly healed by having 2 more-than-healthy boys later...as has already been said, it seems to have not been meant to be, & you'll have to keep telling yourself that until your heart starts to believe it...& let him help carry the load, he's probably swallowing his own feelings in that way that all us guys think we're supposed to do...

I don't think I'll ever believe it wasn't my fault. I did the only thing I could thing of that would help with the pain, I got a memorial tattoo done by my Uncle. It helped a bit with the pain, but the guilt's still there. And since I have severe depression on top of that, it's making it hard to get over the guilt. And I won't let him help, it's my fault it happened, and no matter how he feels about it, I won't let him do that. He's already been through enough, and besides, I dont know how he feels about it. Just that he was sorry I had to go through it alone. -shrugs- I don't know, I'm still so confused about it, and no one's been able to help... and to be honest, I feel like I'm drowning, even though my self-imposed exile of a month with my family up north was supposed to help, it only pushed it to the side I think. -sighs- I just don't know what to do.