What would you do?
 

I have a friend who is sick she was just diagnosed with non hodgeskins lymphoma a couple of months ago but she is doing really well. I know she needs some advice so I am asking here for her. She has been with someone for a couple of years and she hasn't told him anything about what she has been dealing with. Actually, she has only told a couple of people and doesn't want many to know. She has been really irritable and very emotional lately and rightly so and it has been pretty difficult for her. The problem is the person she is seeing broke it off with her a few weeks ago and she has been feeling even worse. Now if she tells him about this she won't know if he would be with her again because he feels bad for her or if he really cares for her. I thought maybe I can get some advice for her from the nice people at pixies. I know she really cares about him and I think he does care about her too. Should she tell him or not? If she tells him he might feel like he has to pretend he cares or he really might care but she doesn't want to make him feel that he has to be with her out of pity or whatever. What would any of you do? I told her I would ask.

I think it speaks volumes if she has been with him for years and he does not already know she is very ill. There seems to be serious communication lags. I don't think it matters if she tells him now. Is she just wanting to tell to explain why she has been difficult? or does she hope if she explains he will understand and come back?

She was just diagnosed a little over two months ago and they haven't really seen each other much except on a few occasions but they talk a lot. She hasn't really had very serious sympthoms as of yet and her Dr. says she has a very good chance of a full recovery since this type of illness is cureable and has a very high success rate. Anyway, she has been talking a lot about him but hasn't wanted to tell him for her own reasons one being she doesn't want to make him feel obligated etc. I think having him beside her and being supportive would possibly give her the lift she needs to feel a little better. On the other hand that is something that could make someone very scared also. If she decides to tell him and he doesn't want to be with her I think she will feel even worse. Everyday this is an issue and I don't know what I should say about it.

I've been very lonely lately myself, and I really long for something meaningful. My point is, why let a good thing go? If she likes him and he likes her it is worth it at all costs to try to get back together. When we go through crisises in our life we find out who truly loves us. If she tells him what has been going on and just explains herself, her reasonings, and what has been going on in her life, I think he will understand and support her fully, and if he doesn't he is a no good shmuck!!!!!

Missy,
When people have been going out for years and then break up, it's NOT because the last few weeks one of them has been irritable! But it points to other underlying issues in the relationship.
I fear that if your friend were to tell this guy, she would be leaving him with no option of backing out. No guy is going to let himself be a cold hearted bastard who won't stand by a sick person and help them.
So, I think your friend should bite her tongue, get over this guy, and concentrate on her recovery and getting her life back on track.

Just my thoughts, best wishes and good luck to your friend!

CasperTG