BBW/BBM: Either you love em.. or you hate um?
 

Alright... I realize that this subject is tossed around countless times on the net in general... but I wanted to pose it here.. since those here tend to be more open and honest about their thoughts...

For all of you guys and gals...

Would you date someone who would be considered a BBW or BBM? And if so, would the fact that they are limit the chances that the relationship would become serious? On the other side.. would it bother you if the spouse that you married, over time became a BBW/BBM? Do you think that it would negatively effect your sexual desire?

For those of you who would never consider becoming involved with someone who falls into this category... Why not? Is it actually the "fat" issue, or is it more what others may/may not say?

How would you react if suddenly, without much warning you yourself became a BBW/BBM (it is possible, medically it could happen). How do you think it would change your sexual being?

I ask this for many reasons...

I have a close friend who is tall and slender.. a wonderful person, a great mother, a fantastic wife (in my opinion). Her husband is equally marvelous and they have been married for 18 years. She once told me years ago that he told her that if she ever got "fat" that he wouldn't remain married to her.

On a more personal level.... I consider myself to be a BBW... smaller than many I would guess but a BBW none the less. I am aware that there are men who truly find those of us who are BBW's attractive, afterall there are many BBW sites that have HUGE (no pun intended) member followings. But I believe that those who do are shy about it (for whatever reason).

It would be my guess that those who come to Pixies are more inclined to appreciate those of us who fall into the BBW/BBM category because they tend to be more sure with themselves and open to the idea.

I imagine that many people saw "Shallow Hal"... which in my opinion was a wonderful experiment in human behavior. One of my best movie experiences occured while watching that movie. The majority of people who were in the theater were "couples" who were much closer to picture perfect that myself. I so enjoyed watching the movie... laughing.. seeing the reality of it all... and listening to those around me gasp and squirm in their seats at such an accurate portrayal..

So.. your thoughts.. good and bad.. as brutally as neccessary.. would love to know your thoughts..

Jenna first of all great thread..

I my opinion a lot of the time it is not the person who looks at or appreciates the BBW/BBM thats sexual desire decreases, although I'm sure there are those that just do not like it. But it has been my experience that it is the BBW/BBM themselves whose sexual desire decreases due to a drop or lack of any self worth or confidence any more...sometimes its think FAT you are FAT even if you arnt or are and even if other dont mind.

Skip,

I agree to a point that some who are/or become BB have a decrease in their sexual desire.. but I believe that is not the typical. As with everyone, if your self esteem has taken a dive.. most certainly your sexual desires are headed the same way.... south. And yes, many people have low self esteem including those who are BB... so yeah.. I can see that in those cases it would indeed negatively effect their sexual libido.

I can only speak for myself, in that my sexual desire seems to be more linked to my age... than to my weight. Even tho I am BB... now that I have hit my early 30's... my sexual desire is very intense.. tho I am sure that in the absence of a self esteem issue my drive would even be more intense (Good heavens I don't even dare imagine it being more).

Yep.. I think the mind is what plays the largest role... thus making the saying "the brain is the largest sexual organ" a completely true statement. Those who are BB and are completely happy with the person they are... I would imagine that their BBness does not not negatively effect their sexual desire...

Jenn,

Some of the most "open" and friendly women that I have met.. over my long stay on this planet, have been BBW. Just like everyone, I have found that these women.. are a culmination of their pasts. If they have had problems with some issues in the past.. it seems to often allow them to intensify.. their feelings in the present.. I have found that such women are never shallow.. and their intensity is always invigorating.

I would suppose not all BBW women get to the point that you are or that I'm describing.. This is most likely because of the men in their lives..

My suggestion to the men out there.. Give them a good look and enjoy...

Kendall

i like the person not there size i my self could
fall into the bbm iam some wat overweight
i find that on the gay scene it is even worse
for "must be thin " just look at the media
nearly all the gay men in moves and tv are thin

I have been a BBW , was all my life until about 2 years ago. I was 26w and larger....... though now a 14 :D. But as far as a difference in my sexual drive there is none. I am still horny all the time same as I was when I was BBW. The first husband use to joke around that I was a nympho (sp). And I think the teddy bears out there are the sexiest things alive. (shhhhhh, don't tell the s/o, he is a bean pole). But there is just something about someone being all soft and cuddly, though I have dated men that looked like teddy bears and were actually in quite good shape. Just because you/they are a BBP does not mean that they aren't taking care of themselves or working out, or are not healthy. I have been sick more in the past two years than I can ever remember, plus it is the first time I have ever been cold, lol, which some will say is a good thing, since I use to freeze them to death. I always felt that if you truely love someone, it does not matter what happens you will be there for them. So for someone to say if you get "fat" then I won't stay with you tells you that they don't truely love you. I was 245 pounds when I got married the 1st time, and gained 80 more pounds in the next five years. One of the reasons he gave me for leaving was that he just never saw himself with someone as big as me. And that if something was to happen there would be no way he could save me (fire, falling off a boat ect....). And this was told to me with us still in bed after sex.............................. and the person he was having an affair with was about the same size I was when we had first started gotten married. So, really did not take that excuse to heart after I thought about it several months later. I guess what I am saying is that I have been there myself, and that to truely love someone size does not matter. Everyone has special quailities that are all their own.

kendall... Bless you :) LOL... I believe that for the most part.. the men that are worth having look past the weight issue. Those that don't... well it is usually a sign that there are underlying issues in general and aren't the kind of man that I would be attracted to in the first place.

axe... I have noticed that :( I know that there are few "accurate" presentations of the gay/lesbian community... the only one that I can think of is "Queer As Folk". I watch it from time to time, and that show definetly shows that "being thin" is the only way to be in that life style. I am not naive enough to think for a moment that there aren't BBP that are gay/lesbian... and it is sad that on one of the few programs that "represents" their community they themselves are not represented.

Midnight Kiss... First let me say... Good for you!! A weight loss of any kind is something to be proud of... one of that amount should be applauded. I know first hand how hard it is to do.

Like Midnight Kiss, I personally happen to be more attracted to those men who are on the high (or higher) side of average. There is something to be said for the cuddling factor :) On the other side tho, I don't rule a potential mate out just because he happens to be thin. That would be doing exactly what I don't like having done to me.. judging strickly from the outside.

Oh yeah, I am a BBW... but I am not ashamed of it. Yes, it is true I am in the process of losing what I can (and winning)... but I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind that regardless to the weight issue, I am a absolutely fantastic woman with brains, humor, a heart capable of limitless love, and the bonus of a very strong sexual desire. Just so happens that I am also blessed with extra padding :)

sharniqua....

I have along way to go yet :) but I will get there.

Yes, no matter how the outside may change, people remain the same within. Inside I am always going to be the same person.. nor would I ever want that to change :)

jennaflower, thank you so much for this thread :) I too am a bbw and although I would like to (and am try to) lose weight, I am proud of my body. And like you, my sexual desire has nothing to do with my weight although at one time in my life my self-esteem was rather low because of it and I'm sure that affected it. But, I overcame that and when I hit 30 my sexual desire went into overdrive :D

I applaud both men and women who can look beyond the outer shell and see the inner beauty in both themselves and others. For many this is not an easy task. I must say that I was hesitant about posting pics here even though I am proud of my sexuality and I am so glad that I did because I found that both the men and women here at Pixies are the BEST.

~Sassy

jennaflower, thank you so much for this thread :) I too am a bbw and although I would like to (and am try to) lose weight, I am proud of my body. And like you, my sexual desire has nothing to do with my weight although at one time in my life my self-esteem was rather low because of it and I'm sure that affected it. But, I overcame that and when I hit 30 my sexual desire went into overdrive :D

I applaud both men and women who can look beyond the outer shell and see the inner beauty in both themselves and others. For many this is not an easy task. I must say that I was hesitant about posting pics here even though I am proud of my sexuality and I am so glad that I did because I found that both the men and women here at Pixies are the BEST.

~Sassy

To answer the original question... I wouldn't let the physical shape or size of someone get in the way of the possibility of finding love. What kind of person they are is far more important to me.

Besides our shapes tend to change over our lifetimes anyway ;)

Thanks for starting this thread, jennaflower! This is a really loaded topic for me. I guess according to today's definition I would be considered a BBW. I don't like being called a BBW. To me, personally, if I call myself a BBW, I'm admitting defeat, that I am overweight and will always be this way. I don't intend to always be this size. I don't like being BBW! I don't think there is anything attractive about it, for ME. I desperately want to NOT be BBW! I don't feel good at this size, nor do I think I look good. Being short only compounds the problem, but there's nothing I can do about my height.
But I must sincerely thank all the open-minded and open-hearted men and women here at Pixies. Because of the acceptance I have found here I know there is no reason I cannot still express my sexuality. My size should have no bearing on my sexual feelings or desires. And there are people out there that would not immediately turn away from me because of my size. I just don't want to be thought of as attractive BECAUSE I'm a BBW. I want to be thought of as attractive or desirable IN SPITE OF being a BBW.

Please get to know the ME that exists inside this body.....that's who I am. You may call me a BBW, but although that may be WHAT I am, it's not WHO I am.

Shar and Jenna, what are you doing to loose weight?

Only 42 pounds in a year? Congragulations on making the effort, god knows most people wont, but I'm curious what you're effort has consisted of?