Ladies ...Body image
 

I'm curious to find out your opinions on how many of you ladies
in your upbringing by your parents got your idea of what your body image should project to others good or bad.How much input did they have in how you felt about your body.

I'm struggling with some past issues and i thought maybe this would help.My experience was that as a teen 13 and up i wasn't overweight i was just very well developed for my years.Big boobs
in jr high 34c wasn't common.My parents always told me to cover up especially in the summer.Other things such as the attention i got from boys/men of i ran with the opposite of my parents wishes.I loved the attention...gee i'm rambling here but i'm wondering what you think.

Obviously for various reasons my body changed in the beginning
although i didn't know it at the time i put wait on to keep people away and to keep from getting hurt.My insecurities have been getting the best of me lately and i can't let that happen.90 lbs lighter than when i started 2-3 yrs ago i should be happy right?

Growing up, I was not overweight. Looking back, I guess I was pretty attractive altho I certainly didn't see it that way then. I was never a barbie beauty but I was of average body size. I was never a typical girl that liked wearing makeup (still don't) and that was something that my mom really hounded me about (still does). She has always told me that I wasn't born a natural beauty and that I should use the tools available to me.

Now... as an adult, I am much heavier than I was back then, and my mother is more outspoken about me being more active in trying to find a man. From time to time ( a few times a week) she will make a comment about my weight (No man wants to be with someone so heavy), my appearance (men like attractive women), etc. I try not to allow it to get to me, but even as an adult it is bothersome...

Thanx jenna :) I think no matter what size someone is if they don't have a good body image and like the way they look it dosen't matter.I just know for me most of critisism came from my dad and i sought aproval in men doing what i had to do to get.And at the time i guess it worked for me...i still try to do that at times.
Its funny my daughter is 19 5'2 and a sz 2, and she is so beatiful.Yet she's not happy with herself.

I'm no different, but I can say this .... when I was reading comments by jennaflower about things her mother said while in teenage years .... they are almost identical to what I read in an interview as said by Jennifer Aniston ..... she said that her mother always told her she was not a beauty and she would have to work at looking good for her entire life ...or something like that - it was a long time ago that I read the article, but those comments stuck, because they really struck home!

I was influenced more by my friends than by my Mum and Dad about my body image.

I had two friends who to me seemed 'normal' but looking back they were both built very petitely and compared with them I always felt fat (this is going back to when I was 6 or 7). The irony is that when I was a teenager I didn't feel at all attractive, and when I look back at photographs I realise that I was gorgeous!!!! The perfect sized body, silken skin and nothing to feel ugly about!

Now, I've put on a considerable amount of weight and age is taking it's toll and I'm annoyed that I didn't enjoy it while I could. I do resent my mother for not allowing me to wear the kind of clothes I wanted to back then because I've missed my opportunity now. I also resent the fact that she didn't tell me that I couldn't wear those clothes because I looked too good in them (i.e. too sexy for a girl my age) but that I looked bad in them. I feel a bit cheated in that respect.

She always did have a tendency to compare me unfavourably with my sister too. While I was 'pretty' my sister was 'stunning'. Thanks Mum!

Thanx jjjbo :)
Thanx A.K.'S

For alot of reasons this is really important to me so i really do thank you girls !!!

my mum was/is good about that,but ive ALWAYS hated my body, i hate everything about it and always got teased becuase i was heavy.
i totaly and utterly hate my body, i lookat myself and think how putrid i am, and wonder howanyone could loveme in that way

Chicky, Chicky, Chicky . . .

PLEASE don't be so hard on yourself! First off, when it comes to love, no-one's going to be looking at your body. Love is about who you are as a person and trust me, what you look like is totally irrelevant.

However, I understand that it's important to feel sexually attractive and the one thing I've learnt from Pixies is that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. There are as many different tastes in the world as there are body shapes etc and while some guys like skinny others do not. You want proof? Go look through the ladies pics.

And I'd also say that negativity really is a dangerous thing. If you think about yourself in a negative way, others will too and worse still, any kind of hate (even if it's directed at your own body) will make you an ugly person. Don't let it eat away at you. Fall in love with yourself and others will too, I promise. it's important to be someone who others enjoy being around, and that is achieved by being confident and having some faith in yourself. It allows you to give more freely to others and that's what life is all about.

Already from what I've seen of you around Pixies, I can see that you are a great person with lots to offer and I promise you that that makes you beautiful and sexy.

*getting off her soapbox* ok, sweetie? Now go and be gorgeous!!!! XXX

hey
 

don't mean to break up the all girl party here but what about us guys and our body image. I have a treible body image and today's world of Abercrombie models does not help. I think that females have it tough but guys don't have it so easy. I am a big guy. A little overweight, but a massive bone structure. even if I was as skiny as I could be I doubt that I could fit in a size 34 jeans. even as a kid I got teased all the time. I look at pictures from then and I realize that I was not heavy just big. but that has sacerd me to the point that I dont think that I will ever get over it. because of this I drink too much, eat too much, smole too much and just found out that I am depressed and am going to have to get on medication for that. Yeah my life sucks but then whose doesn't. All I want is a gilfriend to take care of and tkae care of me, but noone want to date an overwieght, slovenly alcholic.

your a sweety A K
i know i SHOULD love myself the way i am, but i just cant, i honestly hate my body, yes all of my life i was teased, and a lot of ppl use it as an excuse, BUT i am big boned,and i to, if i little fat on my body, would still not be skinny, so i dont expect to be.
i hate my breasts, i think they are ugly, they are horrible, and i also want a breast reduction, i have to much muscle which makes me look bulky, and no i dont work out to get it, it just happens, i have very wide shoulders, a bit to wide i think, i have a fat gut,and a massive arse and fat theighs big calfs, although ill admit its a lot of muscle, and the hair on my legs grows to fast lol, i could go on.
oh and i have horrendes posture from when i was younger, i would stare at the ground, instead of looking at ppl, ect.
i do think im a nice person, and personality wise, i get on great with ppl, but phisical apearances seems to me more important...well at least where i am lol

i know how you feel
 

when i was nine i started to develop breasts and i got teased by the kids at school. my parents just ignored it and pretended it wasn't happening. i was ten when the first guy tried to rape me and twelve when the second one did both were family friends and i managed to escape both times because i created a chance to run. it scared me though and it affected my body image. i've put on weight to discourage people i even cut my hair off but none of that worked it just made me unhappy. now i am who i want to be and i don't let jerks get in the way of that. you need to care about who you are and not who you can make happy.:fly:

Bilbowashere - Honey, baby, sweetie. You've come to the right place. I know it may seem like you have loads of problems, but you've just told everyone what the main one is, so it sounds like you also know what you've got to do about it. Kicking the habit will help you get rid of the weight and the slovenly life-style. If you get the help, I promise we Pixies will do everything we can to give you the support and friendship you need to help you get through. And personally, I think big guys are great. ;)

Chicky - PMed you sweetie.

Smokey188 - some men are pigs, aren't they? Although come to think of it, so are some women. Good for you for not letting the bastards get you down. I admire you. And that last comment is sooooo right. I learnt that the hard way too. ;)

my self image is some times a problem i was told i have
lost weight by a friend and i can not see it to me iam
still fat but i have been clothes shoping and now in waist
size 34 and t-shirt sizes small this has helped me see the
change in my body so iam getting there but am keeping
in minde that "thin=happy is a lie and to work on my self image
not just my body ;)

ladies, don't ask your mother about how you look or how to make the most of what you've got; she has natural reasons for not wanting you to look too ravishing. She doesn't want her little girl to get ravished....

Worse than that, don't ask your girl friends. Unless they are very wise (or perhaps lesbian), they will get it wrong and you'll end up looking like ---- your mother. When did you last give a girl friend a really honest opinion on a hair do?

Ask a close man friend - and listen to what he says.

Ladies are always discontented about their appearance; haven't you read super models complaining about this or that part of their figure? But the truth is that everyone has their attractive points, and everyone can improve what they've got by dressing right, make-up, hair care and MOST IMPORTANT smiling and feeling good.

Believe this devoted lover of ladies; it's true!

Always so wise, Ericthered . . .


:)

DEFINITELY agree on the smiling and feeling good!!!
Makes you look a hundred times more attractive!!!

CasperTG

Wow...thanx for all the responses.I knew i wasn't happy when i was alot thinner and wasn't happy when i was much,much heavier.I finally got a sz 16 jeans sunday which made me see that
my hard work is paying off.I''m shooting for 12-14 cuz i'm not built to be a 6 lol...i'm doing it 4 me is the main thing.I appreciate the responses from you all :) thanx.

Congrats on the size 16 jeans, BiSexyBabeDD. It's always good to feel a bit fitter, healthier etc and feeling good about yourself shows through. I'm sure this campaign of fitness will not affect your amazing dirty mind. We will still be happy to help you take your jeans off whatever size they are.

I have large breasts for my size, too. (I wear either a 36c or a 34d, both fit, and I am 5'1", 108 lbs.) My mother always frowned upon my tight shirts or cleavage-revealing shirts, or anything like that, but she never really told me to do otherwise.

Eventually, I grew into something I was comfortable with. I still like to wear tight shirts at times, and show off a little figure, and my mother still frowns at me, saying "Guys will be looking at you all the time!" and I told her that she couldn't protect me forever.

Overall, I view myself as just me, breasts, small waist, and all. I never considered myself to be sexy, but if that's what people believe, yay for them. I still dress like a bum a lot. It doesn't matter to me. Whatever's comfortable, I guess.

"Everyone's self-image should be one of beauty. You are beautiful. Love yourself."

BiSexyBabeDD: Congratulations! I'm glad you're doing it to please yourself rather than please anyone else! You always have to please yourself first. That's the most important thing! ::hug::

Thanx Eric the red... :) :)

And yea Kings Jester doing it for oneself is the only way it works..
Thanx for the hug :)

We all can say that it is what's inside rather than outside that counts, but it's hard to accept that deep down, I think, as the posts attest, when we're constantly bombarded with images that young, extreme builds (for men and women), meaning very muscular and lean for guys and either anorexic or huge breasts with tiny waist and round curvy butt with tiny hands and feet for women are the ideal set before us. Look at the pix you can choose from in the Avatars section in Liliath's Laire and you'll see what I mean. I don't think there is one generic pix to choose from that doesn't fit those "ideals." Not that I am singling it out, just implying that that is typical of the media and what you hear so often that people are looking for. You don't see that many personals, for example, where someone is looking for an older woman or a heavy-set (big boned or not) woman or man. It's no wonder we end up hating our bodies.

Sorry, Lilith! I should have spelled that Lilith's Lair.

bilbowashere,
I've a similar body to yours, and it's a mixed blessing. You can feel like a lumbering oaf sometimes, but you can also be powerful and strong.

My advice is to get to the gym 5 times a week. You will feel a hundred times better, your spirit will lift, your drinking will go way down because you just won't feel like it anymore, you'll get incredible hard-ons...

Your body will respond spectacularly to a combination of weight training and cardio. You'll probably not lose weight for the first while, but your measurements will change like crazy.

I bet the ladies here will attest to the sexyness of a big powerful man!

Don't block the goodness from having its way with you, man! Visualize it and keep it in your head as you go because it is within reach of you at all times.

Woody

ps Get a buddy or a trainer who can guide you and keep you on track.

I have such a mixed bag of feelings about my own body image.

I am a large woman and have fought with this stuff for years.
Growing up in an overly critical home, with parents who were terrified of fat or anything that wasn't the usual, created so much self hate that it didn't matter WHAT I looked like, I hated myself.

NOW...I don't know what happened but for the most part I love ME.
I'm still VERY insecure but I try real hard to love ALL of me, because it's too harmful in my brain to hate myself.

I've seen such beautiful people who loath themselves and it's very sad.

And yes, I've noticed men sometimes feel insecure too.

The really funny thing is that I could care LESS about someone's looks. It matters not to me what's on the outside...and I end up adoring what I see on the inside.


Isn't it sad what we do to ourselves?

I guess I just figure when it comes down to it, if I don't love me...who will? It has to start somewhere.... :)

Right on RandyGal!
You're cool. You've got a decent, humanistic attitude that isn't common enough. If only people figured this out at high school age, there'd be a lot less heartache and more good healthy horny loving!

The ironic thing is, you start looking better when you start being happy about yourself. And sometimes you don't be happy until you start looking better.

RandyGal, pleeeeaase change your icon guy! When I'm reading your sweet words I'm hearing a voice that just can't come out of that GMO dude. Can you do a pic of your smiling beak?

Hugs, eh
Woody

Is that better?

I need to find a good one of ME...

Much better.
One of you would be better still.
But who am I to talk with this cowboy head?

Growing up (actually I am still "growing up", but anyhow..) I was always very much in shape (dance classes really do pay off). And in high school I developed these great breasts. lol
In high school I always received comments about my boobs....so because the guys made me feel insecure about them (I think boys joke about things they really appreciate), I tend to cover them up ALL THE TIME. I never flaunt them and never wear revealing clothes...

Ok, back to body image...after I got married I gained a lot of weight (I never get on a scale, so I couldn't tell ya how much, but I have gone up 4 sizes in 2 years). I was just recently diagnosed with PCOS and one of the issues behind it is weight gain.

Unfortunately I have "heavy" genes. While my mother has an awesome body, my biological sperm donor (he is NOT my father) is heavy as well as his family. I guess I am destined to be fat someday, but until then I will continue to work out and not allow PCOS to get the best of me. I am still very firm and have wonderful legs, I just now have this stomach that I can't seem to get rid of.

I am rambling and don't think I even answered your question...sorry. :)

My parents never ragged on me after I gained my weight, nor did/does my husband. All I can say is that I live in South Texas where everyone is heavy and I guess that's a good thing (for me anyways).

body image.... blah on that lmao caused me nothing but problems ,seems to me this has to be one of the most evil things around, every single girl I have gone out with has low self esteem from wanting to be a skinny super model type

blah on that I like a girl with a bit of meat one her bones, not that theres anything wrong with skinny girls ya know I just don't find it the most attractive

my fiance and I are both young, I'm 19 and she's 22 and we are both a bit on the heavier side, lol I"m bigger than she is ironically enough as she is always complaining about being to big and wanted to lose weight , however, she's only around 170-180 pounds at 5 foot 11, so she's not really that big at all and she looks great but I just can't seem to get it to her that she's not fat

ironicaly enough I'm touch bigger than her at like 230 at 5 foot 7 yet she doesn't think I'm big at all, she says that it's different for girls bah

dang society causin me nothin but problems lol

always had a poor self body image--but now at 35,feel that I am more able to accept myself for what I am. Mum of 2, auntie to loads---most of my scars are "internal" but,like the external ones, are part of who I am. And my friends and family love me inspite of this!! Feel loads better after losing 14st of useless fat!(through the abusive sod out!)---but mum still says my ass is big---cause my head is up it!xx Nobody is perfect,but u r the best at being u!

Okay, I'm a guy but I have to jump in here - a bit OT.

I was the jumbo fat kid in high school. Way too tall. 255 lbs.

15 years ago I started working out every day. After 3 years I was 195 lbs, 6'4". People said I looked great, I even had chicks hooting and whisling at me all the time (loved it!).

But I tell you when I looked in the mirror I saw the same fat kid. No change at all.

It convinced me that something is screwed in my ability to perceive my own body. I keep working out. I've put on some weight (married, two kids, what ya gonna do).:confused:

I can't add anything that isn't cluttering the bookshelves on this subject, though perhaps someone should invent a mother antidote.

What I can say is that your personality shines through and to me it is very attractive.

bilbowashere---I have many comments on this thread but the most important one is to help you with your problem!I had the same problem with alcohol as you!For years,I pooh-poohed,every-
one and said that I could quit anytime that I wanted.Years ago,I wouldn't have taken someone like me seriously.I would have said-
"What do you know about it?"Beleive me,I know about it.I haven't
used any mind altering drugs(booze or otherwise)for over ten&1/2yrs. now and only you can see the real difference.I can only urge you to take the step.I wish that I had listened to someone 11 yrs ago.Beleive it or not,they only care about you.They are not trying to be meddlesome. Irish
P.S.If you want to contact [email protected]

I am pretty comfortable with myself. I recently just started going to the gym again to tone up and drop a few more pounds for the warm weather coming up. I started yoga and it is the most relaxing thing I have done for myself in a long time.

My mother never had much of a problem with how I looked, other than that darn "no makeup until you are fourteen" rule which haunted me in junior high...because my friends, although they never cared how I looked, were all these little stick figure gurls, hardly any boobs, little everywhere, and it drove me crazy. It was like this all through high school, and even though I wasn't "fat" then and I am not "fat" now either, I was rather veloptuous in comparison. Even though I realized that I totally wasted the best years of my body in baggy basketball sweats! (Doh!)

I have learned since, that even though I am not the stick thin type, I am beautiful, and have assets to show off! I don't have to show off for all the men anymore, but I love being shown off by my fiancee, walking around on his arm in the Evil Push Up Bra and a low cut sweater. :p

Realizing that even though you arent a model, you can be beautiful, is a huge realization that EVERYONE, male - female - whatever should make. It does wonders.

WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!