What I have learned from watching porn
 

What I've learned from watching porn...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange
man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he
have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in
the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding
ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a
wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is
to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a
woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. (They do?)

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each
other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having
sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades
of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really
excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patients' cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from
her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before
fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's
important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying
result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they
open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always
place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip!!!!


ROTFLMFAO@The Last One!!!!! :D :D :D :p :fly:

well Diva can we make a porn together and then re view the tape and see how many of these things take place in real life action? :)

Never seen that much truth about life LOLLLL :D:D:D

"There's a plot"

There is???

The plot is:

"I've got to pretend to fuck my brains out M45!!!" ;) :p :D

OMG, what a flash of inspiration!!! Pje, dahhhhling, you're a genius!

What would happen if the Pixies' people got together to make a porn movie? Who would be in it, where would it be set, and what would the "plot" be?

SFC Erotic Emissions, Ltd., is now accepting submissions for adult movie ideas based on the Pixies' theme. Successful submissions will be rewarded by a kiss (or perhaps more, nudge, nudge, wink, wink) from the fantabulous SFC herself ( :rolleyes: ) and a Pixies' Group-Grope™ from everyone.

--- sweetstuff

Ahem... Aqua officially submitting his request for an Anal scene..:)
Maybe a scene with some other members waiting in line for Star Wars Ep 2... conversation gets hot... strange funky music is heard but no one seems to know where it's coming from... sounds like Ash would be there, and Aeros... maybe Legend and Mindboxer, Jay for sure, so maybe Lilith will be in the scene, and NaughtyAngel too, she's a Star Wars freak! Ok, so it'll be an orgy scene... ;)

Is Legend dressed like the Princess?LMAO

God Diva! You are my mentor!

Sweet Chastity

How about...Camera men can't see thier own shadow!

How about Rape is foreplay?

Diva,
Since you are such an expert, maybe you can explain how the guy can last 20 minutes and both the man and the woman can make the exact same motions, groans etc. every five? Is it practice?;)

No, a very special gift known only to a few.

Digital editing and splicing.

Damn, now I'm going to have to kill you!

What I have learned from watching porn videos.
How to use the fast-forward button because every scene is the
same for;what seems like;10mins.BORING!!! Irish

Pornography?
I don't even own a pornograph!

In silliness,

WW

BTW, I have been known to moan a bit while performing oral sex, SO THERE!!!!
(maybe... a lot?)

In helpless giggles,

WW

You must have seen THE porn movie too.
 

Maybe someday they’ll make another ONE.
:rolleyes:

My own personal list....
 

What I've learned from watching porn...

It's a great way to get your mother-in-law to call on you.

It's a great way to encourage your grand daughter to pop up out of her cozy bed and come downstairs to say "HI GRAMMA! What're you and grampa watching?? It sounds like a FUN movie and can I watch it with you guys?" :eek:

Never watch porn if you MUST get the picture OFF the screen real fast...

Never watch porn in a VCR that's been giving you troubles lately.
NOW will be the time you'll get the *movie* stuck in the machine and you'll be forced to take it to a repair shop to have the special little *movie* extracted.....screw the VCR just GET YOUR MOVIE back! :D :p :o

Re: My own personal list....
 

Happened to me, too... fortunately, friend of mine fixes VCRs, and was able to extract it, with a wink & a grin... told him he was welcome to copy it for his own purposes, he says, "Yeh, I took care of that already..."

Yes, my warnings were because of real life experiences! :D

Glad I'm not the only one to have had the "VCR" problem. ;)

only if you're dressed as Anakin Skywalker :D

Hi may i ask wat u learn from porn movies izzit mean u really learn from the movies and perform them in life?????if not wat are the things included in diva's list do the babes in here does too???

Wat r true wat r not true?

id love to dress as master yoda......any ladies interested in finding out what i have under me robes.??????

may the schwartz be with you....around you...in you......hehehehe

MB - I'd love to see what's under your robes .....one request though I know that yoda is that lovely shade of gray-green and all but lets not make everything green k? ;)

Cumm to think of it..................I haven't seen too many real titties in them at all. I really like the Natural approach as displayed by John Stagliano. So does my Porn Mate. (Brandi) :)

Diva-
Don't forget that no one ever has to pee when their all done...or maybe that's just me? :redghost:

Ophelia

Definitely not just you, Ophelia!

Used to be a race between me and hubby to see who'd get the bathroom first when we finished.......:D

Sugarsprinkles---You hubby is lucky!I'm not bragging;I'm complaining!In all of my life;my penis;doesn't get soft ;for quite
awhile;after I climax.It is almost impossible to urinate thru a hard penis.It is also a source of embarrasament;when a girlfriends parents suddenly make an appearance. Irish

I can just imagine, Irish!! That's one experience I never had, luckily. My mother never actually *caught* me.........but she *knew*!:whiteghos :eek:

Sugarsprinkles---I'm glad that you haven't;had that experience.
That means that I don't have to put you on my list of"One of those!"It's hard(pun intended)to hide what you've been doing;
when your super religious mother;walks in the room after you have just masturbated to climax.Long time ago; but never forgotten!You only climax;for the procreation of a child.Above all;
sex is not for enjoyment! Irish
P.S.The joy of being brought up Catholic!

Well, as you know, Irish, I also grew up Catholic. Mother was Polish Catholic, almost as bad as or maybe worse than Irish Catholic!
As I said, she *knew* without ever actually catching me in the *act*. BUT, she did catch me with the guy who was my first. We weren't supposed to see each other, as he married not long after I gave him my virginity. I was the baby-sitter for his fiance, that's how we met. He was 21, I was 16. My mother worked nights which made it easy to be together. One night, her night off, she was sleeping and I snuck out to be with him. She woke up and waited for us. Chased him down the street with a butcher knife!!
I never saw him again, and I never forgave her. I heard he divorced eventually. Took me 5 years to get over him.:(

u know it's a good movie when the sounds at least match when the right person is making them

Lest we not forget, the woman ALWAYS looks at the camera, or at the director, while giving a blow-job!

Sugarsprinkles and I voulenteer for the prom night dancefloor fuck.

How nice of you to volunteer me!! You might at least have asked me first.

But what the hell......Yeah I'll do it!!!:D :D

Sorree, but not much, I knew you'd love the idea!

And just HOW did you know?? You think I'm becomming an exhibitionist in my old age????

Damn right I am!! I don't give a damn what anyone thinks anymore!! Spent too many years worrying about what others think....not any more!

Bring on the spotlight!!:D

My husband and I were pleasantly surprised to find out that on our new DVD player, when fast forwarding, you can hear the sound sped up as well...makes for some interesting porn watching when you get tired of watching them screw. And how come the women make all the faces, but sometimes if it actually shows the guys face, he's staring off into space?

Women never say no to anal sex because It Just Won't Fit!!!

(not that I've ever known that to happen in real life):p

Using saliva as a lubricant is sexy.

Passing sperm between two people's mouths is yummy! And spitting it into the other person's mouth is attractive!