Hammer, Duct Tape, Or WD-40?
 

I have a theory. I believe that every problem in the world can be solved by either a hammer, duct tape or WD40.

For example, terrorism. A pesky problem to be sure. I believe it can be solved by a duct tape. All passengers on airlines should be thoroughly wrapped in duct tape to prevent any hijack attempts.

Problem at work? Hammer. Works on either that troublesome fax machine...or that annoying boss. :D

So, my friends, I ask that you help prove me right. Reply to the problem above by answering if you would solve it with either a hammer, duct tape or WD40 and how you would do so, and then post a problem of your own. You get the idea.

Now to start things off...

A bad hair day.

Make a hat out of duct tape (yeeowtch on the taking it off though)

A tail light broke on your car?

Hammer. Break out the other one to make a matching set.

Telemarketers calling you.

WD-40. Loosen the connections in their phones, so that when they try and call, everything comes unconnected.

Politicians who make empty promises just to get themselves elected.

Duct tape. Put it over their mouths so that they have to put everything in writing.

Favorite team not doing well in the play-offs.

Hammer... so they can claim poor performance was due to injuries rather than lack of talent... :eek:

Those pesky noseeums in the summer time.. akkkkkkkkk!

Hmmm...a hammer would be too painful and wd-40 would feel really gross and probably doesn't have a very good spf, so I'll go with taking strips of duct tape and putting them on your body with the sticky side out so the bugs stick to them like a fly strip! :D


People in the express lane at the grocery store...with 13 items in their cart! :mad:

Duct tape, stick em to the floor or their cart so they can't get them, out

Horny husband

Oh, this calls for all three...

Squirt WD40 on the ground so they slip and fall. Then tape them down to the ground so the can't move. Proceed thereafter to get medieval on their ass with the hammer!

Start with the ankles... :eek:


Now how about dealing with auto mechanics at the dealership that routinely cannot seem to recreate the problem you have with your car... even though it happens EVERY time you are behind the wheel.

All three again..duct tape them to the car until they find the problem, hit them on the head with the hammer so they smarten up, then give them a can of WD-40 and let them squirt it, cause will probably fix the problem.

Horny woman

duct tape her to the bed

flat tire

Duct tape to seal the hole in the tire; then plenty of WD-40 to re-inflate it.

A broken heart...

well, i've always found that bailing wire comes in handy as well, but in the case of a broken heart you'd definitely need duct tape


but what would you use if your zipper broke and your stuff was hangin' out?

hammer your stuff back into your pants and wd-40 the zipper. If that doesn't work, create a new pair of pants with duct tape.


What do you do when you've run out of tissues?

Use the hammer to break your nose... people will be quick to give you tissues to stop the bleeding. :rolleyes2

Thread hijackers?

Thread hijackers should be duct taped to their chairs and a liberal dose of wd-40 should be applied to their penis with a rapid & repetitive up and down motion until climax, then they should be brought a fresh cup of coffee.

Hey, it was worth a try!


Excess body hair :D

Simple..apply duct tape and rip off..apply liberal doses of WD-40 to prevent growing back.

Un-horny s/o

see the above post by WI and apply the ame measures. should do the trick!

in the spirit of christmas...yeah i know its over, but how could i fix light bulb that won't light on one side? (ala the Grinch)

Spray the tree with wd-40 and shove it up the chimney so you can bring it back to your workshop and hammer it!


That pesky mouse that won't visit the trap.

Mice love WD-40 just spray it on the cheese...

A teen age child who won't do what she's asked

trap him on sticky duct tape the tap him on the head (lightly) with a hammer and "Bad Mouse! Naughty, Naughty Mouse! Now Go Home!"

a fish that won't bite your hook

OK< Suzy and me are going around in circles together today!

duct tape the child to a chair and tap her (lightly) on the head with a hammer and say "Bad child! Naughty, Naughty Child! Now Go Home!"

how about that fish?

:D

Use your hammer to straighten out the hook and use it like a harpoon!


Your frisbee went into the neighbor's yard.

spray the dog with WD-40 so he can squeeze through the hole in the fence, and wrap duct tape around his tail so you can pull him back after he grabs the frisbee!

can you fix an empty checkbook?

absolutely!

Use your duct tape, wd-40 & hammer in the manners previously described, to remedy the aforementioned problems...and charge a fee! :D


Now what's to be done about my cold coffee?

unrole a whole role of duct tape, and scrunch it all up..pour WD-40 on it start the fire and warm your tea...use hammer to break "in case of fire break glass" in case the whole thing gets out of control

and what would you like me to do to you.




I mean, for you. ;)

Forget the duct, tape, WD-40, and the hammer, and you can do almost anything..

broken winshield...(I already used the hammer on it)

Put duct tape on the inside, and fill the cracks with wd40 & let sit overnight until it's frozen solid. Remove tape, and you're fine till spring thaw. :D


I'm late going home.

I think you should keep that as your answer for the child... :p

Now Suzy, this will take some work...

The key is to cut the duct tape into thin stips so you only tape the glass where it's broken allowing you to still see through it.

Taking care of someone who tries to remove your body hair with duct tape

I believe a hammer is in order for this one. :D




Helping to heal hammer wounds.

Lay out many strips of tape side by side so they overlap with the sticky side up. Then do the same thing over top of them with the sticky side down. Now you have a 'bandage' that you can tape over the hammer wounds after 'cleaning' them with WD40.

Stubborn geese that won't fly south for the winter

Lay a carpet of duct tape, lube it with WD-40...when they can't land because it is too slippery they will go south..those that still insist hit with hammer and enjoy for dinner.

Think this one got inadvertantly skipped, so here goes...

First take a hammer and bash in the front end of your car. Then make a simulated arm cast and neck brace out of duct tape. Then when you get home, limp inside the house moaning loudly. Inform your wife, who is VERY mad at you staying out too late and not calling that you were in a horrible accident and barely made it out alive. :grin:

Next problem: you're on an airplane and the pilot says over the PA that you're going to crash!

use duct tape to make a long rope that reaches all the way to the ground. then hang it out the door of the plane and let everyone climb down it before the plane crashes. funny how the mind works in a time of crisis!

your lasagna is overdone

Use a hammer to mash it up. Instant goulash. (Easier to hide the burnt cheese and noodles.)

You're skydiving and your parachute isn't opening.

wd40 to coat your windchapped lips so you can kiss your ass goodbye painlessly :p


hangover?

a hammer to each toe indivisually should make you forget your headache. you can spray w/d 40 on a plate then lick it clean. once you throw up your tummy will feel better

more than one person to kiss at midnight?

Duct tape them all so they won't move an inch...then take all the time you like kissing them properly.


Sick child who has the chicken pox ~~ and is scratching too much?

Duct tape their hands to together so they can't scratch themselves. Put a piece over their mouth so you don't have to hear them complain about their hands being tied. :D



Your man took to much viagra and now can't get the thing to go back down.