WHy do people keep insisting?
 

That I will find the right girl eventually?

Come on, you all know all I do is sit around and bitch all day!

You all know that single men vastly outnumber single women!

So quit lying to me and telling me shit like oh the right one will come along or I see you getting married in 2 years.

I hate liars and fakes, especially when they think dishonesty will make me feel better.

Truth is .... who knows whether a girl will come along that accepts you for you .... luck of the draw sometimes ..... there are a lot of horrible people out there who have managed to find a life partner ... and a lot of wonderful ones who haven't ....

The best advice I can offer as one who hasn't found a life partner so far is to stop worrying about it and make something good of yourself ... that way, even if you don't find a life partner, at least the company you keep is good.

Excuse me while I remove the sugar coating from my reply......
If this is all you do then I wouldn't begin to tell you the right women is just around the corner. I'd tell you to stop being a whiney shit! If you want a relationship go out and try to meet some women, I think you'll find there's a few out there.

actually in a certain part of England it's said that women out number men almost 5 to 1.

^^^^^^ Nottingham------Wahey!!!!!

Excellent! I left the place out to see if anyone would either ask or put it in there.....so Glyndwr when ya moving to notts and do you think 5 women could handle you? :D:D

Cunninglinguist... the closest you will get to a g/f is looking at Pixies women on your computer.

Hey, there are worse fates than this.

LOL - I don't know how many women it would take to handle Glyndwr, but I'm certain what ever number of them presented themselves to him, he'd be able to rise to the occassion in handling all of them. :D

Aqua,

I tend to agree!

Still I want to know why do women keep telling me I will find the right girl eventually?

I mean especially when I know the girl saying it is repuolsed by me and could never see herself with me so if she could never see herself with me, and is hard pressed to think of any woman who will ever put up with me why is she saying that I will find the right one eventually?

At least aqua isn't afraid of telling me the truth which is that I have no chance in Hell of ever seeing a naked woman outside of pornography. Whay can't some of the women on Pixie's agree with him?

because that's their diplomatic way of saying "but i'm not her. please excuse me while i make a hasty exit."

You want honesty? I don't know the girl you're talking about....but I'll take a guess. It's possible that she finds self-flagilation boring and unpleasant. Moreover, she may feel that if she is forced to hand you the metaphorical stick that you want to use to beat the hell out of yourself....she's somehow gotten involved in a process of ego-destruction she'd rather not be even tertiarily responsible for.

Basically, some girls have this instinctive need to avoid the passive agressive....and I really think that you should, well, let them get on with it. They're obviously not the person you're looking for.

Well if you already know the answer to the question .... why do you keep asking it???? Because you want to be "stroked" and you push the buttons on nice women to get them to do so because they feel guilty about not wanting something more with you .... women are soft and sensitive beings who really prefer to have the people around them be happy.

Trying to give you a sense of hope darlin. thats why. You won't ever find one if you don't try and change your attitude. Answer me this.......Do you like yourself?

So are we all in agreement that there is no one out there for me?

Answer me this.......Do you like yourself?

I suppose I do. I think that all in all I am a pretty great guy except for one thing, no one would ever want me.

You have to realize I am jsut an average looking guy in a world of hunks. I am just a simple peasant in a land of kings. I am a single and horny guy constantly surrounded by beautiful women and I know I can't have any of them.

I know I have no chance. For starters it had been 3 years since I had met a woman who was single that I found attractive. That was my ex-fiancee, and well we all know that she dumped my sorry ass once she realized she could do better by marrying a better looking man who has a job.

Yeah, I may be funny, intelligent, loyal and a kind person, but obviously none of that means shit as I can't even get a girl to notice me no matter what I did unless I do something stupid or offensive.

Then it starts nagging me in the back of my mind.

"Why is she with him?"

"Why am I destined to eb all alone in this world?"

"If I am destined to be all alone, then why would a loving God instill in me such desires to procreate and then go nine years to not answer my prayers to remove my desire."

"Why can't a woman tell me to my face that I am unattractive rather than beat around the bush with this whole I am sure you would find the right girl, Brett?"

All I am saying is don't feed me a line of bullshit and expect me to consider you favorably in the future.

Not true, you found one, you can find another...be patient



Who says you can't have any of them? I bet they don't feel that way. And so what if you're only "average looking"? Lyle Lovitt got Julia Roberts to go out with him for crying out loud!!! It's not about looks...it's about confidence and being interesting. Use what you got!



Sounds to me like she was a superficial bitch...I think you could do better. I don't know your job situation and granted that may or may not be a valid point, but if she dumped you just on looks alone, I wouldn't have wanted her or given her a second thought.


Well quit with the stupid and offensive shit, obviously it doesn't work. Next time, just try "Hello. My name is..." It works wonders as a pick up line. Just be sure to follow up by proving that you are a funny, intelligent, loyal and kind person.


Because you two weren't right together...be happy you found that out sooner rather than later and move on...


You're not


See above ^^^ and God didn't answer those prayers because he knows better than you


Because that may not be what she means. Ever think that she may not consider you unattractive, but that she just knows you're not right together? Personality clash, different goals, ect.

Just my 2 cents worth, but I have been in your shoes. Then guess what? Everybody was right. I did find the right one for me.

(And just for the record, I am only average looking. The nice guy did win for once. And she IS beautiful. So, yes, there is hope!) :D

*quietly steps down from the pulpit and runs off

Oh, and I almost forgot...

QUIT WHINING!!!!

I think you've missed the point entirely .... most of what has been said to you has not been in agreement. However, none of us is able to change your mind about who you are and what you have to offer, you have to do that yourself.

I can say that looks don't matter nearly as much to most women as they do to most men .... that's not positive or negative, just a difference in brain chemestry. But for the most part, women are looking for men with a sense of humor, a sense of purpose and who know how to listen and care about them as an individual. If you can bring those to the table, we'll put up with an inordinate amount of "negative" stuff. Did your ex tell you she left you because of your looks and lack of a job, or have you assumed that because you believe the new guy is better looking and has a job? Did she tell you other things that maybe you just didn't want to hear and so you decided they weren't part of her decision.

Lack of a job, however, is a fairly important issue to most women, because we need to know that the man in our life is willing to at the very least work with us in moving towards certain goals, buying a home, supporting a family, putting kids through college, etc.

I'm not here to judge you, just trying to give you some insight, you cannot and will not change who the women are, but you can make changes in yourself .... you are not destined to be alone, but if you aren't willing to make changes to move away from being alone, you may end up alone. But then as I said before, you may end up alone anyway, there are no guarantees in this life, except that if you keep doing what you've been doing, I can pretty much guarantee that your results aren't going to be different than what you've had in the past.

K, I'm off my soap box now, I wish you well in pursuit of what you want.

I offered an explanation for why they weren't telling you what you wanted to hear. I said nothing about whether or not I thought they, or you, were right.

Not true, you found one, you can find another...be patient

I only found my ex through a random meeting on ICQ and it turns out I was talking to the only single beautiful woman for 200 miles.

Turns out that she never left the house all that much and since she was homeschooled she must have never learned that she was capable of getting guys who are much better.

Who says you can't have any of them? I bet they don't feel that way.

Well, you are right. All the women I meet keep saying that they are sure that there is a right girl out there for me, but it is not them. Well if all women are in agreement that they are not the right girl for me, then I can't have any of them, correct?

Besides the odds are incredibly slim that this new girl that walks into my presence is single.

OH and Lyle Lovett got Julia Roberts becuase he is not only an artist, but a celebrity. I am not only a lowly peasant, but a rather untalented one at that.

Sounds to me like she [my ex] was a superficial bitch...


She is only human and as such she will choose for herself what is best for her and her offspring.

I think you could do better.

Not really.

1) Single beautiful women are hard to come by unless you like them illegally young.

2) Look at me fer Christsakes not many women are looking for a nerdy guy working a dead end job who is rather plain looking. Women can and will fuck a guy w/o a job if he is hot enough and is an alpha male. They will also fuck a nerd if he has money.

I don't know your job situation and granted that may or may not be a valid point,[i]

At the time I had just graduated from college with an Engineering degree and no job despite searching every day for the past year. I was broke like a two dollar wristwatch and had no place to live in two weeks and no food to eat.

I did however find a job by July and I was laid off in the middle of September. I worked fast food for six months and recently I am working for the same call center that laid me off and I expect to be laid off in June and that is when I will prolly crash on a fellow pixie's couch for about a month while I try to find a job to pay my rather hefty bills.

A few months ago I decided to stop looking for an engineering job and just resign to working as a drudge the rest of my life. At least, it will keep the women who were only interested in my money away which is practically ll of them it seems.

[i]but if she dumped you just on looks alone, I wouldn't have wanted her or given her a second thought.

No, I don't think she dumped me on looks alone, but I think it may had been a factor considering that when she got to Bible college all of her peers where pestering her as how a beautiful girl like her would be seen with a guy like me.

You know you are right I should get on my knees and thank God everday that I constantly know which women are totally wrong for me. Most guys never get that ability where as I can safely assume that none of them were right for me, and while we are the suject of God, let me jsut say that the only reason I can se for praying for 9 years and it going unanswered is that either God is a sadistic ass or is deaf to my pleas.

There is only a very slim chance that my creator actually likes me and therefore knows there is someone out there for me and that is why I have a carnal desire to fuck jsut about any good looking woman, but no outlet for my sexual fustrations yet.

I am glad however yo took the time to tell me how things got better for you though. I really love hearing how people who think they were jsut as hopeless as me won the pretty girl, respect of their fellow man and rode off into the sunset a hero with sacks loaded with platinum and doughnuts.

I am not you though so I don't see how that ancedote provides me with any hope. NOw if some woman could love me in my depressed state and know full well that she could be jsut as happy with other men out there, then maybe there is hope for everyone.

Did your ex tell you she left you because of your looks and lack of a job?

No, she said it was becuase I play video games, watch cartoons and my lack of faith and well other reasons that changed every time we talked.

SHe however told her mutual firends that it was becuase I was some loser who lives with his parents with no job, no future and besides she could get someone cuter.

Speaking of lack of faith "How much faith does she have for abandoning a firend jsut as the road darkens?"

I have ten million times her faith becuase I still had not killed myself yet, but she leaves me the second I graduate from college and don't have a job or a place to live in a few weeks.

Ginger,

I think all women have this instinctive need to avoid guys like me.

Anyways when all women keep telling me that there is a girl out there for me but it is not them, then I begin to think that there is no woman outhere for me.

Then I begin to think that they are jsut telling me to blow me off and they think that by lying to me it would get me to shut up. Look, I grew up with a mother who would lie to me all the time just toget me to shut up. I learned to hate that behavior and I have become quite good and detecting cop outs.

I just want one woman on to admit I was being copped out and say what she was really thinking that thgere is no way in hell she can think of any girl wanting to date me.

Sounds like you don't need a woman so much as you need counseling. I'm not saying that to be a smart ass, but you sound extremely depressed and have some self worth issues. Good luck to you.

All the trout I eat are dead.
Therefore, all trout are dead.

Have you met every women in the world and discussed with them if they are the right girl for you???
Who the hell taught you logic? Sue them!



I'm a hunk????? WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's nice to meet someone who can take the simple concept of fishing for compliments - an entirely worthwhile occupation when practiced in moderation - and totally overdose on it. Well done. I'm sure it will achieve... um, whatever you're trying to achieve.

Why do people say "I'm sure you'll meet the right person some day"? You KNOW why. You're not stupid, so don't pretend you are. People aren't going to say you're a prick a) to your face b) if you're not a prick and c) if they feel rude or cruel for saying so. Unless they're a bitch, I'll concede that possibility. Would you rather discuss your love life with a bitch?

It's been said a hundred thousand times here that finding someone special is extremely unlikely to happen if you're hunting for it. The secret, from most of the successful people I know both in here and in the wider world, have found happiness with someone they love because they WEREN'T looking for it. Because they were being themselves, and themselves were what the OTHER person wanted.

There are LOTS of beautiful (not that that's really a consideration anyway) single and interesting women out there. Hell, if there aren't, then all of us single 'hunks' better either turn gay or become hermits. But you're going to repel more people than you attract not because of your looks, but because of your negativity. Who the hell wants to live with a whinger?
Is it REALLLY too hard to say "well, I'm single, and that's a bugger. But fuck that, today I think I'll join a gym club and start setting myself some positive fitness goals" or "today I'll sign up for that weekend hang-gliding course" or whatever it is that gets you out in the real world being positive, happy and interesting.
If I were a girl and had a choice between a bloody ugly bloke who was lovely to hang around with (be it on a hang-glider or not) or a 'hunk' who played computer games all day and only ever talks about what a dickhead he is, well pass me the blindfold and let me talk to the ugly guy.
Unless I'm an airhead bimbo, of course.

So chin up, smile, think happy thoughts and put into motion things that are going to bring you success - financially, spiritually and emotionally. Only then can you even think about sexually.

Your friendly hunk,
CasperTG.

PS by 'financially successful' at the end there - I don't mean rich, I mean having a secure future and comfortable income.
PPS Individual results may vary. See your doctor if negativity persists.

I was going to avoid posting in this thread, but I have to toss my 2 cents into the fountain. People here have tried to post their honest responses and thoughts on your question, but you have only sought to de-bunk them with whatever responses you may, but the main gist of what you respond with is that everyone else is wrong, and the world is out to get you. I only point this out because I've done the same thing. The lack of self-esteem came from an abusive relationship that I got out of. Your lack seems to come from the ex that you speak of. You need to free yourself from her and move on. The only thing that you can do is truly learn to be happy with yourself. I know that you say that you are, but it doesn't sound like it to me, from someone who's been there. I don't mean to preach, and I'm not perfect either, but you have to like yourself. And you need to truly believe that being alone is ok. Once you learn to celebrate yourself and your fabulousness as a singlet, things won't look so grim. I hope that I've helped a little...

Someone who perpetually asks the same questions, regardless of getting some decent answers doesn't want to make any changes, just wants to stay living the way they are.... Open your mind a little, let stuff go, be happy with you and what you are alone. Untill you truly can like yourself, you will never find anyone who likes you either.

As far as finding a "beautiful or hot" girl, whats the matter with pretty or average anyway? I have a theory that the really hot people have horrible sex anyway, because they have never had to try!

No matter how good looking one is there is always someone better looking! It's just the way it works.

There is nothing to say to you, Cunning. You have reasons "why not" for anything and everything. Hmmm...You use "copping out". You are very good at doing that. Are you even open to new thoughts and experiences? Or are you just determined to post and whine. You're tired of people lying to you? BS. You're just not hearing what you WANT to hear. Open up and look at what people have been trying to say to you. Oh, and if you think everyone is lying to you and feeding you BS, why do you post?

TO Lilith...If there is a problem with my previous post, please delete as you see fit. Thanks.

So there is no one out there for me?

I am glad at least some of you have come to say that.

Your depressing and the sooner you get help for your self esteem the better

Well nothing can quite help my self esteem like some women willignt o fuck me, but we all knwo that will never happen.

I have to agree with everything that Sharni said... and as for your noone can help my self-esteem comment... that's not true. You can help it yourself, or you can seek out a good therapist. But you have to be willing to listen to them, because they won't put up with the rationalizing bs.

Oh where to start with this........

No woman likes a self obseesed attention seeker, who spends his time whining about not being a sex god. Stop behaving like that, and you'll go far.

Women DO like a man with a sense of humour. It's far important than looks.

Did I mention a sense of humour is far more important than looks? Because it is....which means if you think you're ugly as sin, perhaps you should work on your personality, and work on finding a woman who has a nice personality, not one who is necessarily beautiful. So you don't end up with a woman who looks like Jennifer Anniston, so what? You don't look like Brad Pitt either.

If you want to be attractive to a woman, give her something to be attracted to....so it might not be your face, then make it something about your personality that's irresistible. Likewise though, look beyond her looks and find her attractive qualities on the inside. The personality is the only thing that will be there still in 50 years when you're old, drooling and incontinent.

OK- the line between self-deprecating humor and full out wallowing in self pity has definitely been crossed here. If you just want a step-by-step recipe for having better luck with women, just based on your previous posts mind you, here you go:
1. Men who are attractive to women have confidence in themselves-- even the way a confident person carries himself helps with the "physical appearance" factor- You look taller, you smile more, and you make eye contact, which shows people that you are interested in someone other than yourself.
2. Look at every woman out there as someone you could potentially be with. You are too busy talking yourself out of a potential relationship by saying "oh, she's too good for me" to recognize that she might be sending you signals that she surely thinks you're damn good enough. (Which, consequently, she's not going to do if you are constantly bashing yourself-- it's CREEPY, period.)
3. If you have bad self-esteem, you didn't invent the concept. There are tons of people out there who do also-- whether you see it in them or not. The trick? They fake it. Just come across as someone who is ok with themselves- NOT someone who thinks they are the best thing to happen to the world this century. Eventually, after faking confidence for a little while, you will start to truly develop it. Take it from someone who has had to do this before!
4. Stop being so afraid of rejection that you reject yourself prematurely. The worst that any woman can say is 'no'.


I dated a guy for a while that had exactly the same self-esteem problem. Eventually, after I tried a million and a half times to let him know he was perfectly adequate, his "oh, poor me" act got old. I finally got so tired of assuring him all the time (assurances that he picked apart word for word in exactly the same way as you have picked apart everyone else's post and argued against them) that it sucked all the fun out of conversation and out of our relationship.

You can force yourself into having a little confidence, or you can force yourself to believe that you are pond-scum... I know which one I'd choose to try for.

The worst that any woman can say is 'no'.

Well there are rstraining orders and sexual harrassment lawsuits, but even I know not to use the line "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" on a co-worker.

Anyways, I am feeling a lot better now. Thanks for the advice, it finally dawned on me what exactly had gone so wrong to make me get into this sad state and now I am trying to go about finding some kind of help.

I've pondered the same question myself, and my conclusion is that they do it for one of three reasons:
1) They really truly believe it (however misguided they might or might not be)
2) They are trying to stave off personal guilt that would come from telling you what they really think.
3) They are trying to stave off social awkwardness that would come from others based on having told you what they really think.

As others have said, and I will re-iterate, you can't perceive inadequacy purely because you don't have a partner. It's not healthy and it's not rational. You don't have to conciously "sell yourself", but if you behave the way you seem to be, you're selling everyone else. Why make your job harder?

One thing that I've heard before that some of the respondants have almost mentioned here is that if a woman is tending towards being attracted to you, and you start unloading all this stuff, you're pissing on her judgement. Not good.

I have more, but I can't say it coherently right now.

So true, and so nicely put!

I heard someone say the other day that people get depressed because they talk too much negativity. SOMEONE right here on pixies told me that me talking bad about myself was unattractive. I have tried to change that. I am not beautiful or a skinny supermodel, but I like myself. I think I am nice looking tho. It's up to yourself to make YOU happy. Do it, or deal with it. Your life and your future is in your hands. AND to me, it sounds like YOU are just as bad by only looking for beautiful women. Beauty isn't everything. Try finding a friend first and let the love grow from there. It happens, I know. Best of luck.