Has "sex sells" gone too far?
 

I've always had the fantasy of raising children in an environment where they could develop naturally with as little of outside interfernece as possible. Now I admit, when a woman wants to be treated merely as a sexual object, I am glad to grant her request. Since Tv is pretty much the only part of their life that I will be able to moderate, I started asking myself a question. I started asking myself exactly how much of daily programs would I not want them to see. The simple fact is, the thought of my 15y.o. daughter dressing like some of these child stars today horrifies me. I just feel that in a perfect world, our children will focus on figuring out themselves before they start to worry about what the other sex wants. I mean, let's face it a lot of guys think they know what women but few actually do. Naturally, women are more complicated so 1/3 think they know what men want, 1/3 are more than happy to please, the other 1/3 reminds me of a praying mantis, you know the insect that the female eats the male after mating.

But back to the issue, it's obvious that young is an important part of being attractive but without a limit of some kind, there's going to be a problem. Personally, I have a problem with what we've got now which brings us all here today.

And you're opinions are...

Part of being a parent is teaching respect and dignity for yourself and for others.

If I understand your concern,it is that there is too much negative influence for kids today.Well.you can act to limit some of it.When they are very young you,you can influence what they watch on t.v. making sure that it is educational and thought provoking and not just entertainment for the masses.But the best thing is to be always open and honest with them.

I don't know, it's just that I feel women are sort of being oppressed into a sexual object label. Lately I've been around newborns alot and I've seen how much the environment that they are in affects there attitudes and I don't want my kids (when I have them) to be influenced by something that I feel that it just simply isn't right.

amen! Then you have to make sure that you are the foremost influence in their lives!

Thanks lilith, I kinda had a feeling you'd see where I was coming from.

Silentsoul

I suggest that you remove the television from your house.

Most children in the United States grow up watching 3+ hours of television daily. Study after study has shown that children are influenced by what they watch on television. One study that is only about 10 years old correlated the rise in consumption of mass-market/junk foods to a six to nine month delay of the introduction of television in the area.

The overwhelming majority of commercial television programming is trash. Remove the rot from the environment before introducing an impressionable infant.

Rather than fight a losing battle trying to be the household TV Censor, excise the corruption entirely.

While it is most unlikely that you will adopt this technique, it is effective – and healthy.

Good luck. I wish you well but envy you not.

Actually I look at it from an opposite angle. In school, I knew a lot of kids who's parents were freakishly strict about TV. The emotional trauma and near exile that they experienced because of not knowing anything that's going on, therefore not being able have resonable conversations with anyone. I know that finding yourself is something that will benefit you the most later in life. However, without a stable and equal environment to develop in, it's only going to get worse during the years. What I'm getting at is that growing up, weren't you nervous as hell meeting new people, expecially of the opposite sex. The history of my genetics lead me to believe that my kid is going to be pretty shy as it is. Without having adequit information to make conversation with, it's going to be extremely hard for my children open up to other people without some kind of TV.

In my opinion, age is meaningless without maturity. As my children matures and the world goes on, I will allow them to view certain shows at certain points in there maturity.

I do not think removing TV is the answer. For every thing negative about TV I can think of an equal positive. There is an unbelievable wealth of high quality children's programming available. It provides an unfathomable amount of language experiences and provides children with something that we are not usually inclined to, repetition.

And you are right on with it being a toold children use for socialization.

Removal is not necessary but responsible viewing is. PBS is still commercial free.:D:D:p

My children(2 girls,now in their 30s)were brought up in a very free
motorcycle lifestyle.They each have 2 children now & you couldn't
find 2 people,with a better outlook,on life.All that you can do,is
to show them the proper outlook on life.No matter what else,they
see,will change their values.Just because they encounter it,doesn't mean they won't have the right values.You'd be suprised,at how much influence you have over your childrens values! Irish
P.S.My $.02.(From experience)

Well, how better to teach your children about exploitation than with perfect examples?

Gentlefolk,

I’m sure glad I mentioned “it is most unlikely that you will adopt this technique”!


Lilith,

The amount of vacuous, empty and useless television programming so overwhelms the amount of (even generously defined) good and valuable television, that it beggars comparison. NBC, CBS, ABC and WBN each dwarf PBS – let alone in total. PBS must routinely purchase programming from abroad to flesh out its schedule.

“The Beverly Hillbillies”, “Gilligan’s Island” and “McHale’s Navy” remain afternoon VHF staples. As for network afternoon fare: “The Guiding Light”, “General Hospital” and “As the World Turns” serve up fascinating role models for impressionable children. Perhaps one should take one’s social direction from “The Simpsons” or “Malcolm In The Middle”?

“And you are right on with it being a toold children use for socialization” True - if TV is what one wants to socialize about. Is that the direction that one, as a responsible parent, should be steering one’s children?


Irish,

I’m pleased that you were able to raise two children to be healthy, responsible adults (no small achievement). That changes nothing about the documented influence of television on children. Not everyone is as fortunate as you have been; check the local section of your newspaper.


Belial,

I am surprised that you are so cynical when proposing what people should provide to their children.


silentsoul,

One way to know what is going on is to read. Another way to know what is going on is to listen to the radio. NPR & PBS broadcast excellent news coverage, as does the BBC.

And yes, I am speaking from experience. Neither of my children are the traumatized, emotional wrecks one might expect “not being able have resonable conversations with anyone”. It will only be “extremely hard for my children open up to other people without some kind of TV” if you lead them to believe that to be different is to be wrong

There have been many excellent replies w/many valid points, particularly regarding what is being watched and regarding the amount of influence we as parents can have on our children. As one who hasn't had access to TV in the house for over 10 yrs now, I am stunned at times at how much time people spend (adults and children) watching it. If the adults in the household are spending most of their spare time in front of the TV, no matter what the content of the programs being watched, how can they expect the kids to know or do any differently? I am not against watching it per se but am saddened that the majority seem to automatically reach for that remote rather than turn to other pursuits for entertainment or to unwind or to stretch their minds. I find it particularly shocking when a TV is on pretty much every waking hour in the household, no matter who is up and about or whether they have company, etc. Then it seems more like a drug to me...such a part of life or the background noise that they just can't imagine any kind of life w/o it. What is THAT telling our kids? To me TV is often a barrier to communication w/others when it is on so much, too...like one's focus on the TV is more important than one's focus on or communication w/others who are present. Just a couple of side observations.

I'm speaking mostly from my own experiences as a child. I was often inclined to ignore directions unless they were explained to me in some way or unless there was the possibility of physical punishment (which wasn't harsh, but enough to inspire fear). If you can say to your children "Look here, this is bad because.....", you'll make far more impact than if you attempt to shelter them from something that is going to inevitably rear its head. That model of teaching children is already used anyway, as in "Billy is bad because he hit Bobby, we don't hit other people because..", so why not extend it to sexual exploitation when the children are of sufficient age to comprehend it?

I think I was clear that parents should choose appropriate shows, not trash, or allow free reign, and regardless of what we would prefer children share with one another, TV gives them a commonality. In a perfect world our kids would all sit around in literature circles and discuss the zillion books or life experiences they have in common but in a culturally diverse community it is good for kids to have something that they can all relate to. When you are working on social skills with children with disabilities one of the first things to use is television, giving them something, anything, to draw on when trying to be sociable. I am not judging right or wrong I am just speaking of what is our current reality.

I know children who have grown up without TV and are perfectly wonderful, responsible, intelligent, social people but the exact same can be said for people who watched TV. Personally it's not my thing, I have too much to do.

I definetly understand wher you are coming from and that's kinda why I'm so hyped about this. I can try to explain everything else but how do I explain to a 12-13 year old britney spears wanna be that being that way is straight up wrong because of so many reasons, none of which I could explain to her.

You can explain them to her. It is absolutely appropriate to tell a 12-13 year old that you want them to have more respect for themselves than is often the case in the media. You cna tell her exactly what it's like to be a boy at that age and how they think. The biggest mistake is not telling her precisely why you feel it's wrong and what message people get from that sort of icon.

I can't add any insight here except this........

A praying mantis bites the head off her mate because if she doesn't.....their species will cease to exist! He cannot complete copulation (ejaculate) with his head attached (something in his brain won't allow it).....and she is smart enough to know that! She doesn't do it because she hates him.....but because she appreciates what he has done for her.......his scarifice of self will help their species live on! And that's all I have to say about that.....lmao!

I am, however, following this thread closely because my baby sister is a single parent and her son has NO grandparents and NO male figure in his life.....he is 13 going on 29 and she is at wits end at this moment as to what to do to guide him in the right direction! Up until just this year he has been an exemplary child.....and then he became posessed! It seems to me that silentsoul has a good point about outside sources influencing a childs life, no matter the good examples set at home!!! Please correct me if I'm wrong......but how else could one explain my sister's son changing into a horror, seemingly overnight???

BTW...did I mention he is 13.....and has "discovered himself"??? He now knows EVERYTHING, including everything sexual....and doesn't need sis's influence to interrupt him while he goes about his life!!!!!

Mine's 12.5 you explained it...testosterone. Induces all sorts of odd behaviors.:p

Ut Oh! I feared that might be the ONLY answer, Lilith! How does one "battle" the battle of testosterone?????? My sister is soooooooooooooooooo afraid for her son's behavior........his school work is going by he wayside...he's so defiant.......and he seemingly doesn't care about anything but himself.....he tunes her out.......etc., etc............and hubby and I don't know how to help her! I don't mean to hijack this thread.....I'll just keep reading and see what comes of it!

Every time I pass my monster in the hall, mind you he stopped making eye contact with peons such as myself some months ago :p,I hug the living stuffin' out of him and whisper " This too shall pass":D

Is the only way I have found to conquer it...apparently maternal affection has some sort of effect on this chemical, testosterone:p Weakens it's bonds on the host, there by decreasing the effect of it's chemical properties

I think keying in on the behaviors (instead of the kid) individually and making consequences for the one you wanna extinct specifically is the key. Pick your battles by virtue of their importance. ((hugs)) to your sis from someone who is right there with her in those preteen trenches:p

Ladies,

We are also navigating the seas of adolescence (both female and male), and I can assure you that teenagers’ aberrant behavior cannot be blamed on television – or the lack of it. It seems to well up unbidden from some endless font of obnoxiousness. Good luck!

Lilith, I think this is by far the wisest thing I've have ever 'heard' you say.

Yes, PICK YOUR BATTLES!! For example, in the entire scheme of things how important is a pierced ear, or a crazy hairstyle, or 'fad' clothing (I don't mean clothing that exposes too much of the body), a cleaned room, an unmade bed, or whether or not he cleans his plate, just as examples.

I raised 3 boys and although they indeed had a father in the home, I had the bulk of the responsibility since Dad worked afternoons. They only really saw him on weekends. My oldest pierced his ear without permission at 16. I wanted him to wait til he was 18. But I figured if this is the worst thing he ever did, then he'd be doing damn good. He had extremely long hair too. Again, I used the same reasoning....if that's the worst he ever did etc.

By all means encourage him to bring his friends home. I always had a gang of kids at my house. I didn't always enjoy it, but I knew who they were hanging out with and if they were home with their buddies, I knew where they were.

All of my boys have turned out to be very responsible adults. No drugs, no problem drinkers and no trouble with the law.
But I am grateful I didn't have any girls to raise....I would have had a hard time dealing with a Madonna-wannabe.

Okay, as a guy who had about the worst upbringing possible along with several mental problems (depression and stuff) I can give a little personal experience in this. When I started the testostorone battle, I basically changed over night. Pretty much every teenage male changes, just for their own personal reasons. Deep down, all I wanted was for my parental influence to be there enough so I know they still cared and basically pick your battles.

All good reading from Lilith, SS and silentsoul!

I have just a few things to add about my nephew that touches on things said above. First.......Lilith, my sister does (or I should say did) almost exactly what you do......she hugs Dylan all the time and tells him she loves him no matter what. She tries to sit and talk with him on a level equal to his age...and tells him (and he knows this) that they can talk about ANYTHING! She's let many an insignificant thing pass (like coming in 1/2 hour late or "accidently" swearing when he thought she didn't hear him.....oh hell, she's even bought hair stripper to strip his natural color and dyed it white because he "HAD" to have it) in lieu of taking on the bigger, more significant problems......the absolute biggest right now being his "no care" attitude towards school. He had to go to summer school this past summer in order to move to the next grade. He passed by the skin of his teeth because she took him there....left only enough time for him to complete his class.....and picked him up immediatley following. And before they went home she spoke to his teacher and got his assignments and took him home and sat while he completed them immediately! Otherwise he wouldn't have gone....or if he did he would have told her he didn't get any assignments or that he already did them...or whatever! Now.....he's back in school and failing miserably already...in the first marking period! With everything that's been happening lately...she says she feels like SHE is being punished and he doesn't have a care in the world! He could literally care less about any of this!

To make things worse....she thinks she can trace the start of this behavior back to when he didn't get picked for the basketball team. He'd played basketball from the time he was 5. In elementary school, he played all the time and he even joined a local club to be able to play after school. He loved it and was very good at it. When he left elementary school and went to middle school he was a star player on the clubs team. He was then sent to the highschool.....where he is now and was last year.......and he wasn't picked for the school team. Sis went to the school and told them this was going to crush him and begged them to at least let him try out again. The coach never got back to her and as suspected it did crush him and ever since then (she thinks) it all started going down hill! He quit his club team and discovered girls and all hell broke loose! She's not sure (yet) if he's doing drugs...but suspects he might be and is getting a test kit to test him. She knows the ramifications of what just the idea that she wants to test him will do to her relationship (or whats left of it) with him....but she feels it's the only responsible thing as a parent to do at this point!

I talked to hubby about this and he said he vividly remembers when he was Dylan's age....and all he ever thought about was sex! Well...that and drugs and rock and roll.......and he was serious!

I told her.........get counseling......get help......and if she can think of ANYTHING that I might do to help, all she has to do is ask and it will be done.

Just NEED to say thanks for the insight folks...and for letting me ramble in appearance of hijacking this thread...of which I had no intention of doing.......but it seemed like a good thread to lay this all out on!

So sorry silentsoul! Seems no matter how well a parent might prepare for the best life for his/her child......things can go wrong. I'll not say that the media has no interjection into the upbringing of a child.....but I think it's the rarity that a child will go totally astray from just the effects of a media induced concept! There are so many other "outside" factors to contend with.....not to mention the inner changings that an adolescent endures! One can NEVER be sure if your child will be part of a statistic.....no matter how well he/she is brought up! Seems children will grow and change into themselves regardless of our best intentions! If they "make it".....we take pride! If they somehow "fail"....we blame ourselves.

LixyChick,

I hope things improve for you and yours. Good luck!

Thanks jseal....and everyone who's been letting me babble!

Sis sounded a bit better when I spoke with her yesterday. It's quite a rollercoaster ride for her.......but she's coping, I guess!

LixyChick,

Sometimes one needs to let go. You did. You needed to. No problem here.

Lixy---It's really a coincidence,that my oldest daughters(Colleen)
sons name is Dylan.He has mental problems.He is very immature
& loses concentration very easily. Irish
P.S.He is my oldest Grandson!

I may be shot here but

a) I think that advertisers still believe "...it is a man's world..."

b) A psych Prof once said to me "...we're all voyers, we all like to watch but most of us repress it..."

c) I haven't actually read all the responses because I'm 3/4 of the way through a bottle of wine on my own...sorry