The Fairy Godfather

http://www.robertschimmel.com/gfather.asp

When Swearing....isn't!!!
 

Just a few swear-words..... and their REAL meanings!!

Animals?!

Blow job?!

Hmm......

Last one for now
 

Fruity!!

Golf, anyone?
 

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

"I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she said.

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax. "

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the barstool.

"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

When I get big, fat, and juicy...


There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."

The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."

The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!."

DM, all those jokes of yours were terrific! LMAO!

DM, very cute.;)

Some day, ALL cars will be built this way!!
 

A lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady."

They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pussy."
He responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike."

Age is NO barrier!
 

An elderly man walked into a confessional booth. The following conversation ensued:
Man: "I am 82 years old, and have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. For some reason, they thought I was kind of interesting. One thing led to another, and we ended up at a motel, where I had sex with each of them twice."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."

Ethics? What ethics?
 

A woman is in her doctor's office, and suddenly shouts out "Doctor, kiss me!"
The Doctor looks at her and says, "It's against the code of ethics to kiss you."
About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!"
Again he refuses, apologetically, and says "As a doctor I simply cannot kiss you."
Finally, another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with her doctor; "Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!"
"Look" he says, "I am sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be screwing you right now."

*shoots water out my nose~ lmao

A life-long workshy bum walks into an employment agency and marched straight up to the counter,
"I want a job!" he said.

The man behind the counter replied,
"You're timing is amazing. We just heard from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his 22-year-old nympho daughter. The salary is $200,000 a year!"

The bum cried,
"You're BULLSHITTING me!",
to which the man behind the counter shouted back,
"Well YOU fucking started it!!!"