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Sugarsprinkles---I'm glad that you haven't;had that experience.
That means that I don't have to put you on my list of"One of those!"It's hard(pun intended)to hide what you've been doing; when your super religious mother;walks in the room after you have just masturbated to climax.Long time ago; but never forgotten!You only climax;for the procreation of a child.Above all; sex is not for enjoyment! Irish P.S.The joy of being brought up Catholic! |
Well, as you know, Irish, I also grew up Catholic. Mother was Polish Catholic, almost as bad as or maybe worse than Irish Catholic!
As I said, she *knew* without ever actually catching me in the *act*. BUT, she did catch me with the guy who was my first. We weren't supposed to see each other, as he married not long after I gave him my virginity. I was the baby-sitter for his fiance, that's how we met. He was 21, I was 16. My mother worked nights which made it easy to be together. One night, her night off, she was sleeping and I snuck out to be with him. She woke up and waited for us. Chased him down the street with a butcher knife!! I never saw him again, and I never forgave her. I heard he divorced eventually. Took me 5 years to get over him.:( |
Diva my dear, you can't forget that the lovely women always put out to their bosses no matter what.
And SFC, can I be the cinematographer? |
u know it's a good movie when the sounds at least match when the right person is making them
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Lest we not forget, the woman ALWAYS looks at the camera, or at the director, while giving a blow-job!
Sugarsprinkles and I voulenteer for the prom night dancefloor fuck. |
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How nice of you to volunteer me!! You might at least have asked me first. But what the hell......Yeah I'll do it!!!:D :D |
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Sorree, but not much, I knew you'd love the idea! |
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And just HOW did you know?? You think I'm becomming an exhibitionist in my old age???? Damn right I am!! I don't give a damn what anyone thinks anymore!! Spent too many years worrying about what others think....not any more! Bring on the spotlight!!:D |
These are the things that I have learned watching porn.
There are Nudist colonies everywhere. No one ever gets a pine cone up their ass when having raw sex in nature. Teen porn stars have no parents to walk in on them but they do have a horny cousin or best friend (usually named Brad or Brett). Whore houses never get raided. Chocolate is a good lubricant (Please don't ask or I'll be forced to tell you). Gangbangs are very organized. You can tell when a porn was made by boots, socks, and carpet. No matter how long a ladies nails are they can easily finger themselves without so much as a knick (a slight bump on a guy's nail will bring about another response). |
My husband and I were pleasantly surprised to find out that on our new DVD player, when fast forwarding, you can hear the sound sped up as well...makes for some interesting porn watching when you get tired of watching them screw. And how come the women make all the faces, but sometimes if it actually shows the guys face, he's staring off into space?
Women never say no to anal sex because It Just Won't Fit!!! (not that I've ever known that to happen in real life):p Using saliva as a lubricant is sexy. Passing sperm between two people's mouths is yummy! And spitting it into the other person's mouth is attractive! |
Yeah, porn has improved a lot, but still needs much more improvement.
I think many of the best adult films are from Wicked Pictures. |
Two very important things about people that porn movies will teach you:
1. Male porno stars are physically unable to cum while inside of a woman. 2. Female porno stars develop spiked high heels at puberty. |
one thing you have all misssed
if you a pizza delivery man hot women are allways tipping you with sex |
There must be a million things I have learned while "directing" such movies, (Ya see, I can never, ever watch a porn movie without some interjection. Just trying to be helpful!).
1) When you have friends over......never plan a game of billiards. You'll never finish the game and so you'll never know who wins! 2) When you answer the door (never even looking through the peep hole to see who it is), always wear something sheer or nothing at all! This will insure that you WILL fuck the visitor! 3) Blondes DO have more fun! 4) After a good fucking, don't go get a shower. Go around the house from room to room and see if anyone wants to try and guess who's sperm is spewed all over your lips and face and breasts and stomach and twat! Oh....I could go on and on.........(but then you all know that!) |
What I learned from porn:
No matter how attractive you are deemed to be you will never have sex with anyone better looking than your half senile, incontinent Uncle Bill. No-one owns a decent cd. A womans happiness is defined by how much sperm you can whack in her face (happiness grows exponentially for each additional dna strand) Retriving something from the floor is an invite to be fucked in the ass. Anyone in a conservative outfit is gorgeous when they take off their glasses and let down their hair (would this work for Margaret Thatcher) and they have been waiting their WHOLE lives for a man to come and show them what theyve been missing. |
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