Scotzoid,

Yes, I have an open marriage. For the record, it started out that way. We originally didn't want to invite the state into our hapy lives. But, because we live in a oppressive patriarchial society, and much of that is bound up in property laws having to do with marriage, we were legally forced to get married.

We didn't let it change our relationship-including the recognition of that committed, loving relationship, that has lasted for over 14 years now. Far longer than most traditional marriages.

Currently, I have one lover and my wife has several. All are lovign, committed relationships. My relationship with my g/f has lasted for about three years, and my wife's relationships with her b/fs have also all been long-term ones as well.

No, things do not always go smoothly, but we did promise each other that we'd talk about things and work them out. And we always have.

As far as the other issues you raised-yes, occasionally we do worry about possible STDs. That's why we get tested, and ask our partners to get tested.

Am I worried about my wife "falling for" one of her boyfriends? Not really. It's our attitude that, contrary to society's teachings, because you happen to love someone desn't mean you have to stop loving someone else. My relationship with my wife, and her relationship with me is *not* predicated on the exclusion of others.

Are some couples meant for only one another? Of course. Different people are different, and there are many that rock on the exclusive, proprietary type of relationship glorified by our society. Cool for them.

As far as the contrary replies to this thread:

Vigil: :moon: :moon: :moon: :moon: :moon:

Irish: Thank you for providing evidence for my last paragraph.

Sweetlady: you rock

HR: Yes, the law is there. But remember, the law is there to uphold a hateful, destructive so-called morality that is every bit as repressive as it is claimed to be. So, no, I don't have any respect for that particular set of laws. And there *no* reason I should.

This is an interesting thread to say the very least. I really don't have much to add other than I have given it thought due to recently being told about a close friend's decision to give polamory a shot. And so far it's working for them.

Heck, I can't even find one relationship I am happy with, let alone multiples :)

I very much agree with gecko and Lilith though, what works for one person may not be the answer for another. It's just one more aspect of diversity that makes our world an interesting place to exist.

I believe the ligist of the 1=1 argument in some cases here is a confusion of the western euro Christian symbol of marriage versus reality of what marriage entails.

http://www.arachnoid.com/lutusp/symbols.html




(page is a excellent read if you go through it)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Separate item:

Please come back WW. I find your frankness refreshing.
:)

At the risk of not following the excellent advice that the first thing that you should do when you realise that you have dug yourself into a hole, is to stop digging. May I remind evreyone (and with the humility to admit that my first post was wrongly composed) that I live in a different country with a different culture and different laws.

We have been dismantling state intervention in people's lives to the point whereby most (that I can think of) of the things that you refer to Gekko are not applicable in my country. I suppose that we have realised that you are damaging the institution of marriage if you force people to do it. We have seen a rise in so called honor killings here and our culture is rejecting any counter culture claim that they are in any way acceptable. Marraige is a personal choice (I am sure there are the shotguns still), but you will not be discriminated against for wishing not to be married. This covention is being extended to all gay relationships, but I am not sure how far exactly the legislation has gone.

It will therefore surprise you Gekko that I am in total agreement with you and in my world you would not have been forced into a hateful etc etc etc that is a "meaningless piece of paper". When I am talking about marriage and expressing my opinion that in my country I can't find anyone who has had a successful open marriage (and I don't include 3somes 4somes goups or whatever when both are involved) I am not thinking about your type of relationship because you wouldn't have had to let the state into your happy lives, nor am I talking about people in relationships that they consciously keep away from a state or church interference, I am only talking about two free adults who have chosen to make the committments to each other that are contained within our state and our state church ceremonies.

I am glad you have a great relationship as I do, they are different to be sure, mine is very akin to the last post by Sixsense. I can't ask Mrs. Vig's opinion at the moment because I have oppressed her into spending the whole of the summer in the Mediterranean whilst I stay at home working and being smug about the fruits of my Patriarchal domination.

I've re-read my post to figure out if I seemed to be against the idea...Just for the record, I'm not, & I'm really happy for anybody that can make it work. I don't expect anybody to live by my rules, & I definitely don't let anyone tell me how to live mine (outside of anyone who has the power of law behind them). I merely stated that the one instance I knew of didn't work, but then, most of the other marriages I've been around didn't work out either! It's tough to get two people to agree to stay together long term, & my guess is that adding more personalities to the mix would strain things further...& again, for those who can make any kind of marriage work long term, my hat's off for you (& me too)

Now there's something we can all get behind. :hot:

I did make one mistake in that, I don't think I made this part clear at all:



Specifically, this has happened with people who did NOT tell me they were married, which is a dispicable thing to do, IMO, especially since they KNEW I wanted potentially more from it.

I dont put down America....but i must say

Australia is the Best Country ON The Face Of The Earth :D:D:D:D

"WW , The Last time I checked , Majority Did rule . Or at least in my part of the country . So If the Majority define what marrage is the you either have to abide by it or break the law"

Mr ....rider

That is a very weak arguement--for in fact the majority doesn't rule. The laws of this country protect the minority as well as reflect the views of the majority in most cases. Have you ever wondered why there is the electorial college?--the same instrument that put Pres. Bush into office? It is a safe guard that if ever the masses elect incompetent Pres. the electorial college is there to save us from ourselves. Anti-discrimation laws are on the books to protect the rights of racial, ethnic, gender, etc, etc....groups from the majority.

Sad it takes time to change short sighted laws, that do infact discrimate--I am taking about same sex couples. More the pity that now it is a political weapon used by Dem/repubicans while many loving peoples suffer.

The fact is marriage is between two people (for now at least) and laws govern what marriage is and it defines rights and responsibilities. But what the law in just about every state misses is the simple fact that one person finds in another all the elements to make each other whole. True some make poor choices in marriage yet still it ought to be (marriage) a defining moment between the two of them for as ever long as it lasts--hopefully to death do they part.

Yet if in there contractual state sactioned or not by any law the find it desirable to be "open" or closed in their marriage, it is a matter for them and the rest of us ought to butt out and let them live life as they wish.

oh my, i just got around to readin this post, in my opinion if u and ur partner are totally 100% honest w each other and each of u can handle the thoughts of the other in anothers arms then hell ya go for it! jeeping and i have discussed it before and at this point were not against it and were not for it. were just not ready for it i think. i do belive there will be a time in our future that we will be ready for it, i do think for us its a totally sexual thing, basiicly itll prob be a deployment thing LOL those 3 month deployments go tho a shit load of batteries im tellin ya. im totally happy w just him but i dont feel that either of us shud curb our desires for that long a time , ive given him total permission to have a fling w someone, iwud have a prob if he saw this person long term tho, wich is why i dont think were ready for it rightnow.
((((((((((WW)))))))))))i think u are the best, weve not chatted to much but ive always luved hearin ur views and i totally respect u. please come back.

nikki

<----is very confused :dizzy: I stopped reading halfway down page 2, and when I have more time I plan to read the rest. Maybe it will make more sense later! btw...my opinions on open marriage change all the time. So I think I am with Loulabelle, in that I just am not at a point that I could handle it.

My husband and I have been married almost 5 years now. We have an open relationship and have from the begining. Every person is different, their views and their personality. How in the world can anyone think one thing will work for everyone? I took vows to love my husband for the rest of my life, to be honest with him and support him. I don't think that is much different from another person's marriage. We do what makes us happy. We have a strong family and I wouldn't want it any other way. :love:

Listen to Sharni,

In Australia, nobody really cares about your private life unless it impacts adversely

on ours.

We seem to lack the need to judge our neighbours, probably because it's just too much like hard work.

Should we rename us Pixiestralia?

Explains my love for all of you glorious Aussies!

For a long time I've believed that the biggest difference between our 2 cultures is that Oz is unencumbered with the myth of a Puritan heritage like we have here...but maybe you're right, we do have a lot of Type-A personality control freaks running the show...