I love my wife, and we love our children. Am I happy? Damn good question and depending on the day, week, month & year, the answer can vary from Definately, Pretty much, Somewhat or a flat out No I'm miserable. That's what marriage is like. I respect the vows I took and I try my best to make it work...every day. Some days I need to try harder than others.

That having been said, if ever a time comes when the answer to that question is always No I'm miserable, and I feel like I'm the only one trying, I'm going start thinking about how unhealthy our relationship has become. Unhealthy for me, her and our children. We owe it to ourselves, each other and the entire family to do what we need to do for the best possible outcome for everyone involved and if that means splitting up, then that's what we need to consider.

I do believe in honesty with your partner though. Mrs. WI once told me "If you fall in love with someone else, please tell me. Don't cheat on me, it would kill me. Just be honest with me." and that's something I've always remembered. If we ever get to the point where we discover it's not good for us or for the kids that we stay together, I would expect us to discuss it openly and though the fur may fly initially...we would figure out together what to do.

And as for only happily agreeing opinions mattering...well, I'm sorry I said those mean things Aqua. I'm jealous of your hair and sometimes I get spiteful.

LMAO......Thanks for the much needed humour injection into this thread WI, and everything else you said was right on the mark too, in my opinion. :)

Thanks for all your advise
 

Thanks for all your advise i get the feeling sweetlady has had it happen to her ???,sounds a very bitter hurt person.
Firstly if you realised that you and your partner had out grown your marriage and you were both unhappy and were only together because of your kidz is that right ???, how could you look back in say 5 / 10 yrs and think we should have done this and we should have done that but stayed together just for the kidz and been bloody miserable , you only live once and if your not happy you change it, life is what you make it, as for the kidz im still their dad and always will be i want to be with them everyday but i`ll be happier and i know the wife will be happy no argueing etc fresh start.
all i asked was ive made my new start is there a easy way to break it to the mrs.

There's been a lot of emotion expressed in this reply.

If the two of you are unhappy enough that the marriage must end, let it be so.

Say that the marriage is dead and leave mention of others out of it.

Anger, spite, score-settling and all other hurtful things are best buried under the first tears.

The quicker you are healed, the sooner you can be in a healthy relationship.

There is no good way to end a marriage.

Try the least bad.

i cant beleive all this. :rolleyes:

hows this for a different scenario, lets go back to the beginning of this whole thing. he's not happy, he meets another married woman who is not happy. he needs advice. :cool:

well i'm in a similar situation only i've a married woman having an affair with a married man and have been for 2 years, comdemn me all you want but i live for the passion we feel. :love:

i left my husband a few months ago, not in the hopes that my married man would leave his wife, but for myself. :) the marriage was over a long time ago.

my man, well, his wife had been having a suspected affair for a few years now and this suspected affair only recently became proven as fact. :grope:

he was going to leave prior to finding out but didnt want to look like the ahole in this, (this would of been his way out but she broke down and told him everything,) he hasnt told her about us mind you, but has decided that he needs to give her another chance. he has all but ended our relationship. :eek:

now who would of figured eh? :(

guess who the devestated one is?

anyway, look theres more than just one person involved here, not only his family, but hers as well, maybe for her this is just a fling, maybe his wife isnt happy either, maybe shes having an affair as well. who knows.

its time to go to your wife, without saying anything about the affair right off the bat, and talk, talk a lot. find out why your not happy, can changes be easily made?, does she feel the same as you do? and if she does then ask yourself what purpose will it serve to tell her about your affair. If she thinks its over too, becasue she is not happy. let it go. walk away friends.

if it turns out that the things wrong in your relationship are easily fixable, and you discover that deep down after this talk that you really love your wife, walk away from this woman, she will understand, shes already committed.

if i were in your shoes i would never divulge the affair, until you are sure of the new friendship you have developed.

(which in my case i didnt until my husband and i had been separated 3 months and were on the path to being good friends. i was so devestated the night my man broke it off, my husband was the one who held me together as my best friend, because he knew me best.)

of course theres that chance she wont want to be your friend,..so then who gives a rat's a** tell all!! :jester:

either way,..good luck!

I'm glad it worked out well for you, Misteria, but personally I would be honest with my ex. Women aren't fools, and if she suspects something, you can guarantee that she'll find out sooner or later. The least you can do is give her the respect of being honest with her.

I split up with my ex, for many very good reasons, but we split when I started communicating with someone I worked with and he made me realise that I was not getting what I needed out of the current relationship. I'd never even met this guy in the flesh, so when my ex asked me if I was seeing someone else, I said 'no'. When he found out a few weeks later, by reading my e-mail (he was in the processing of moving out of our house, and still had access to my computer) it caused so much trouble. I should have told him how it was from the beginning - it was wrong of me to be deceitful.

I am troubled by the line "True love lasts".

Does this mean that if it doesn't last therefore it wasn't true love?

How are we supposed to know what true love is?

Are we responsible for getting it wrong when we are a bit more than kids?

I see Love having different backbones at different stages of your life - it starts off with passion/infatuation but then your biochemistry changes and you need to be synced with your partner to move into friendship and respect with (hopefully some passion) but finally the deepest friendship bond is what I see holding couples together to their dieing days.

Life is very difficult and we don't get any practice.

Good luck.