Thank you everyone.

I am a late developer - but then I am a man.

Seems to me that relationships are very complex on some levels. There are so many things that people look for - you can't possibly expect someone to have all these qualities in equal amounts, and then we all prioritise in different ways and have different cut off points when we are not satisfied if these qualities are not present.

Also I can't help thinking that to some, men who explore these issues are something of a loose cannon. I asked my SO about empathy - she just said she didn't do empathy - I'm a bit shocked, but not surprised.