:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
OMG! One of the best in a long time. My checks are cramping from laughing so hard. :rofl:

The Honorary Degree

A rich Texan told the president of the University of Texas, "I want to set you up with a billion-dollar endowment fund, with but one condition."
"What's the condition?" asked the U.T president.
"I want you to give my horse an honorary degree. She's served me faithfully for fifteen years and she deserves a B.T. degree, a Bachelor's of Transportation."
The president said, "I've got to consult my trustees. I'll get back to you."
The trustees debated an hour until one senior trustee, who had appeared to be napping during the whole discussion, said softly, "I think we should take his money and give the horse the degree."
Another trustee piped up, "But wouldn't you be embarrassed to give an honorary degree to a horse?"
"Nope," said the old man. "In fact, it would be the first time I can remember that we gave an honorary degree to a whole horse!"

Lol.

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat, and bingo, she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded."I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy

:roflmao:

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.


The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxamilion,
invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July
17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and
sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were
there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the
electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and
instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees,
turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office,
where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but
they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air
Conditioner,'on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.



Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there
was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed
on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so
to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max --
on the controls.

OOOOOoooooooooohhhhh. Somebody catch that shaggy dog. :banghead:




















:roflmao:

:roflmao:

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ...
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing... "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"
Then I would say,"It IS dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

^^^^^^^Patriotism at it's finest folks. That is the American dream.

We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady.
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young
man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's. Hinckley was
absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind,
loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her,
he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.
There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released having been rehabilitated.
Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley.

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased
we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.
In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know
that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.
We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to
such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete
recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family


P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster
like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

Woot! :thumb:

So, I lost a trivia contest last night by 1 point.
 

The last question was “Where do women have the curliest hair?”


... apparently the correct answer is Fiji .

Lol

A Cow, An Ant And An Old Fart

A cow an ant and an old fart are debating who is the greatest one among the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 50 liters of milk every day, and that's why I'm the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
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