whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

answer:A computer doesn`t complain when it gets a 3 and a half inch floppy....

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."
Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the damn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a red cunt hair off each side and put the mother fucker back up."
Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."
When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get fucked. That's the electrician's job."

LOL Too damn funny!!!

Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," Johnny protested.
"Sure they do," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave the children a work sheet to do.
After a little while, a student, by the name of Little Johnny, was having some difficulty with the work and was heard to exclaim loudly, "Damn!".
The teacher leaned over and said quietly, "We don't say that in school."
Johnny looked up at the teacher, his eyes got very big and wide and he said, "Not even when it's all fucked up?!"

OMG that will be my class :p

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," she replies, "I'm gonna get tits too"

Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day.
The agent goes "Sean, I've got you a job, starts tomorrow, early. You'll
have to be there for 10-ish".
Sean furrows his brow and says "Tennish?... but I don't even have a
racket."

A lady is at the doctor's office and the doctor tells her
"everything seems to be checking out... what seems to be the problem?"
"well you see doc, a few days ago when I went to the bathroom, I got up, looked in the bowl and it was full of pennies... day after that I looked and it was full of nickles.. and then yesterday it was full of quarters. I just cant seem to figure out whats wrong with me."
doctor says "I wouldnt worry about it... You're just going through the change."

This sounds a wicked idea who is brave enough though.

I dare anyone to try it!!


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so
much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get
a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery dept. where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so
excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw
her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier".


I could hardly contain myself when.......................


I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
awhile..

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"


Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

englishrose,

No possible way would I try that!


But if someone ELSE wants to, I'd be willing to chip in for the legal costs.

I'd pay to see it! lol

A guy went hunting in the mountains and shot a little black bear.

he felt a tap on the shoulder and there was a big black bear behind him.

We can settle this in two ways said the big black bear, either I maul you to death or you have sex with me.

The hunter dropped his pants and bent over.

Some weeks later he dedided that it wasn't good enough, got his rifle and headed out to the mountain where he shot the big black bear.

he felt a tap on the shoulder and there was a huge brown bear behind him.

We can settle this in two ways said the huge brown bear, either I savage you to death or you have sex with me.

The hunter dropped his pants and bent over

Some weeks later he dedided that he was not going to be dominated, got his rifle and headed out to the mountain where he shot the huge brown bear.

he felt a tap on the shoulder and there was an enormous grizzly bear behind him.

The grizzly bear looked at him and said. you don't come here for the hunting do you?

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to
you. We have some rednecks up here who are
causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly
gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over
their robes, their dogs are riding in the chariots,
and they're wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats
instead of their halos.

They refuse to keep the stairway to heaven clean.
There are watermelon seeds and pig feet bones all over
the place. Some of them are walking around with just
one wing."

The Lord said, " rednecks are rednecks
Gabriel. Heaven is Home to all my children. If you
want to know about real problems, call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Damn, hold on a
minute."

The Devil returned to the phone, "O.K., I'm back. What
can I do for you?"

Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kind of
problems you're having down there."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on
something."

After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone
and said, "I'm back. Now what was the question?"

Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having
down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this....Hold
on."

This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil
returned and said , "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk
right now. Those d@mn rednecks have put out the
fire and are trying to install air conditioning."

I'm not even stupid enough to use some of these lines


Things never to say when arguing with a woman

Don't you have some laundry to do, or something?
Ooh, you are so cute when you get all upset.
Wait a minute, I get it... What time of the month is it?
You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
Sorry, I was just picturing you naked.
Whoa, time out honey, the ballgame is back on.
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this
morning.
I could so use some oral sexual stimulation right now.
Hey baby-if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one
from my real wife.
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing isn't loaded.

I wonder how many of the members here got this........



After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing
on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.

"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a
sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - a regular
Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex.
According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of
five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."

"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what
should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"

"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral
sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen
to them on judgment day if they do not stop this type of activity," replied
St. Peter.

"That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think that instead of
punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain
from it. Let's send a letter that's personally signed by me to each one of
these good people, congratulating them on their high morals and good
standards."

And so it came to pass.

Do you know what the letter said?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

No?

Hmmm... so you didn't get the letter either?

A couple with their young son decided to spend a day at a nude beach. After an hour in the sun, the father went for a walk while the son played in the water. After a while the boy came up to his mother and said, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mother said, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So the boy went back to play. Minutes later the boy returned and said, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's." The mother said the same thing: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are... " so the boy went back to play. Several minutes later the boy ran back to his mother and said, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more he talked, the dumber he got..."

Three old ladies Maggie, Joan and Tilly were sitting on a park bench when a man strolled up whipped open his coat and flashed them . Maggie had a stroke!Joan aslo had a stroke! Poor Tilly being old and feeble just couldn"t reach that far.

The Telephone
 

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. .

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile old lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

:eek:

Men and Women
 

Another emai ... another joke ...

Men and Women

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

LMAO :D Too funny DB....................... and too true. :)

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

The South in Summer
 

Got this from a friend ... hope you enjoy ...

A SOUTHERN BLESSING

Note: If you don't or never have lived in the hot, humid South, you may not Understand the weight of this blessing!

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in the South, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE SOUTH IN JULY WHEN. . . .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs!.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ah, what a place to call home. . . God Bless

Feeling stressed?
 

The photo below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study of a group revealed that in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.

If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation.

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

After almost a year in Canada, a businessman from Venezuela returned
home to Caracas.
A friend asked him, "What is summer like in Canada?"
"Damned if I know!" the businessman replied. "I was only there for
eleven months."

One night, a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.

Mrs. Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Lena, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Johnson noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see that baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, then back again?"

Lena said, "Oh yeah, that’s my husband Ole. I told that lazybutt he was gonna cut the grass today, come hell or high water.

Frog Loan
 

This is an old one, and maybe you've heard it, but, then again, maybe you'll enjoy anyway ... :D

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the young lady at the loan desk. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $90,000 loan so I can take a holiday round the world." Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says "My name is "Kermit Jagger. My dad is is Mick Jagger, and the manager knows him."

Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims you know his dad his and he wants to borrow $90,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The manager replies" It¹s a knicknack Pattie Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man¹s a Rolling Stone."

After working together for some time Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the 'hots' for each other.

One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust.

Dick finds Jane very difficult to 'enter', but finally succeeds.

When they are finished, Dick says to Jane, "If I had known that you were a Virgin, I would've taken more time!"

To which Jane replies,"If I'd known that you had more time, I would have taken off my Pantyhose!".

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer
of the church. It was covered with names, and small
American flags were mounted on either side of it. The
seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some
time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little
boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex." "Good
morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused
on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" "Well, son,
it's a memorial to all the young men and women who
died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large
plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible,
trembling with fear, when he asked, "Which service,
the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

I guess he should have listened



Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?
Look, I can't prescribe...Doc, we've been friends for years. Have
you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't
concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me.


The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so
far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than
ONE, understand? Just ONE. I don't know, doc, she's awfully
cold...One. No more. In her coffee. Okay? Um... okay.

The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has
dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to
bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops
one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then
drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say
they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes he drops one pill into his
own coffee. His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their
dessert and coffee.

Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a
little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In
a near-whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before,
she says, I...need... a man...

His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, Me... too...

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating smarties (a type of small candy).
He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her a smartie fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the smartie out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the smartie flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful! Isn't he clever? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"
The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers,... our son-in-law!"

Hmmmmmm.....
 

I got this e-mail today.....
Anyone know if it would work.......?



Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme - simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates.
INSTRUCTIONS
Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.
Statistically, among those women, there will be at least: 0.5 Miss Worlds, 2.5 models, 463 wild nymphos, 3,234 good-looking nymphos, 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms, and 40,198 bi-sexual women. In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER
One bloke, for example, who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL
This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can bonk her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate ... send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner. PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.

The Lone Ranger was one of my childhood heros


The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Buffalo Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.

"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that
evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse . . . alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "READ MY LIPS. I said, BRING POSSE!"

Two brothers, one six and the other one five, get up one morning and the younger asks, "What are we gonna do today?"

"We are gonna learn some swear words today," his brother replies.
"Swearing is very important to learn, so we gotta start today."

So they go out into the world and learn and explore. The next morning, the younger one asks, "Did you learn any words yesterday?"

I got two - 'Hell" and 'ass'. We are each gonna take one and use it today, and I choose 'Hell'."

"But I wanted 'Hell'."

"Tough. I'm oldest; I found 'em; and I get first choice."

So they go down for breakfast, and Mom asks, "What do you guys want for breakfast?"

"Aw, hell, gimme some Cheerios," replies the oldest.

At this, Mom goes ballistic. She swats the kid, screams at him, and promises him the beating of his young life when Dad gets home that night. Then she turns to her youngest son and in a voice of pure ice asks, "And what do YOU want for breakfast?"

The kid, shaking like a leaf and white as paper, replies, "I dunno, but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

ROTFLMAO, Jseal. That's funny. I love it. :)

Biologist studying little green frogs became alarmed at the decline in their numbers. He concluded that the cause was due to the fact that the frogs didn't appear able to stay coupled together long enough during sex to reproduce successfully,.

He relayed this information to a chemist friend who came up with a solution in the form of a special adhesive which included one part sodium.

As numbers rose once more, it became evident that ............

Do you really want me to give you the answer? OK, just scroll down.

Don't say I didn't warn you.















the little green frogs needed monosodium glue to mate.

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found
a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about
using one of the pills, and the son said, "I don't think you should take
one; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd
like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I
break this $50.00 bill." The next morning the son found $110.00 under
his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not
$110.00." "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sitting in back of their trailers
shooting the breeze.

Bubba says to Billy Bob, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while
you wuz out fishin an' made love to your wife, an' she got pregnant,
an' she had my baby would dat make us kin?"

Billy Bob scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think
so......but it shore would make us even!"

The Miracle of Toilet Paper
 

While it's told by a lady, you'll understand why it's the men that die ...

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Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, may even walk again.

Stupid, stupid man