Truly Twisted Sex Jokes
 

How many can we collectively come up with? I'll start the thread with this offering:

Man: Do you smoke after sex?

Woman: Only if I don't lubricate properly.

That's not twisted.

Little girl walks up to an old lady in the park and asks

"Little old lady, have you seen my dog Porky?

He's got a twisty little tail and floppy ears."

Little old lady says that she hasn't.

Lady asks if the dog is called Porky because of his twisty tail.

"No, old lady."

Lady asks if the dog is called Porky because of his floppy ears.

"No old lady."

"Why is he called Porky then?"

"He fucks pigs, Lady"


That's twisted.

Q Why did the pervert cross the road?

A Because he was stuck in the chicken.

Q. What does an 800 lb. woman and a mo-ped have in common?

A. They're both fun to ride until your friends catch you on them :)

whats the difference between a catholic priest and acne?

Acne waits until a boy is thirteen before it comes on his face

What is the worst part about eating a Vegetable?

You have to put them back in the wheel chair when yor done...

omg!! now that was just bad...(i didn't actually think any of the other ones were that bad...wonder whats wrong with me)

I completely agree with Mytaru about your joke M45. It was tasteless, wrong, immoral, condensending, untactful, rude, and obnoxious...............in other words, I loved it :D :D :D


FYI........We have a jokes section in Gen. Sex Talk, but I think that this will make for a fun and fresh thread in the games section.


Q. What's the difference between a woman and mashed-potatoes?

A. A woman can make her own gravy.


Pretty, tasteless, huh? ;)

There was a man in a bar speaking with his son of peoples titles...He tells his son, "Over there is banker john...they call him that because he is a banker."

The son nods in agreement.

The father says, "and look...there is brewer mike...they call him that since he brews the beer we drink.

The son looks at his dad and asks, "what do they call you father?"

The man says "well i built my own house and barn but they do not call me builder, and i have you as my son but they do not call me father...but fuck a sheep once..."

ok ok bad but I chuckle just the same :D

What do you give an 80 yr old woman for her birthday?
Mikey - he'll eat anything !!

What does and 80 yr old woman taste like?
Depends!!

Here's one I think you all may enjoy:


One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an mouse passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.

The mouse asked, "What do I get in return?"

The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."

So the mouse gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".

The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little mouse gonna do anyways?" The mouse climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head.

"Ouch" screams the elephant, and the mouse responds, "Yeah take it all bitch."

Two women were talking:

"So, how's your sex life?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"

My contribution to tasteless jokes.
 

What’s the difference between woman and sheep?:confused:


Sheep don’t do windows.;)

This one is just plain tasteless and disgusting *LOL*


A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No...how old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer..."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."




Told ya so ;)

OK. You asked.
 

Young boy sheepishly approaches his dad and asks if he would tell him something. :)

Sure son. “What is it?”:rolleyes:

Knowing it was something, but not what, he says, “I heard some of the big kids talking and I want to know what is a pussy”?:confused:

The father gets some of his PlayBoy mags from the top of his closet and shows his son.

The boy then asks, “Then what is a cunt?”.

“That’s who owns the pussy!”:eek: