What happened I feel has traumatized me so much.Please tell me am I overreacting?I ca
 

Ok this is going to be a long post..I am a 41year old woman what is wrong with me?I feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure. I am feeling so sad. I am truly lost.I can’t believe I am posting something so personal as I am a very private person, but this is so upsetting to me I don’t think I can discuss this verbally with anyone without bursting into tears.I came here hoping someone can give me some advice, or even some words of comfort. Maybe my feelings on this are silly on the scale of things.
I am 5ft10 foot tall and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes me HUGE!
The other day I was in a mall with my daughter and this little boy pointed at me and said something like: “Gush mom, look at her, she is giant!!!”.I am a 41year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don’t dress slutty at all. My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and i am tall, and I appreciate that.If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. I am always on high heels and full make up on.I am always in tight form fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person.I usually stay away from anything too revealing.I am describing myself because i want you to know the complexity of the situation.On september 22 this year i attended women entrepreneurs conference in the neighboring town.This skinny really short like 5ft3 ugly wrinkled face thin lips creepy green eyes grayhaired masculine woman in her late 50s approached me and introduced herself.She said that she is local bookstore owner.I was wearing my pink satin short sleeve bow blouse my black satin pencil skirt and my pink 6inch high heels shoes.Than she said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing.Than she started rubbing my back with her right hand while talking to me about the conference.Than i sat on the chair the conference started and she sat on the chair behind me and began rubbing my back. I felt awkward.She then began furthering her reach and casually brushed across my rib cage/side boob. I thought it was an accident, then she did it again and left her hand there and leaned in to whisper something about the conference.She kept rubbing my back then leaned in and stopped at the same spot and said something else. And that happened a few times.She began fully brushing the sides of my breasts.While she was standing talking her hands were resting on my shoulders.Her hands were practically constantly on me during the conference.The conference ended and while i was talking to two other women she walked up to me and said ”uuuu i love your blouse”and she started rubbing my back with her left hand and with her right hand rubbing my whole front side concentrating on my breasts.She was explaining to the other women that she just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric.They were totally weirded out.Than she said to me “You are so tall and big and soft”I was literally frozen.I just stood there not saying a word.Later while i was talking to one panelist she was behind me rubbing and caressing my ass with her right hand.Later in the hallway she hugged me from behind placing her hands on my breasts and cupped my breasts , squeezing gently for like 5 minutes.While i was walking to my car she was walking behind me with her hands on my ass talking to me about the conference.She was resting her hands on my butt.She had her arm around me from behind and was just cupping one of my boobs. I tried to walk fast but i was on 6inch high heels.I was just standing and sitting there letting it happen.i wass like frozen to the ground and paralyzed.Suddenly, i was unable to speak coherently.I wass going “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” ” errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr” for ages and ages.That happened to me three months ago but i am still so embarrassed by the whole thing. I’m embarrassed that this weird short skinny masculine stranger woman was touching me and groping me so intimately in front of more than 50 other women and I did nothing about it.I amphysically stronger than her.I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I was on 6inch high heels she was in sneakers.Standing next to me she looked like a midget.I am a 41year old woman what is wrong with me. I am a weak spineless person.Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this short skinny mature pervert lesbian.I didn’t say anything or tell her to stop.I couldn’t talk normal.I couldn’t get words out of my mouth.I was like totally paralyzed while she was touching me and groping me.Mouth was open but no words came out of it.I am so confused about what happened to me!Whether or not it is my fault or not!I feel so ashamed.I feel so foolish and used by this pervert hideous short skinny mature total stranger woman.Other women at the conference were weirded out but they ignored that and said/did nothing as if nothing was happening.I think that the women were in shock themselves,maybe they thought we knew each other?Unfortunately some people don’t like to get involved if they feel uncomfortable or threatened or not sure what is going on.I am physically stronger than this short skinny mature woman,standing next to me she looked like a midget but i was totally paralyzed while she was touching me rubbing me and groping me.It was like i went into ‘freeze’ mode when she started touching me.I just was in shock.What happened I feel has traumatized me so much.Please tell me am I overreacting?I was totally paralyzed and numb while she was touching me and groping me.I was just sitting and standing there kind of awkwardly.I was like frozen, detached and numb while she was touching me and rubbing me.Afterwards when i got home I started breathing hard, my legs got weak, and my heart started to race really fast.I have never felt such shame or degradation like this in my life.I am so consumed with guilt.I didn’t tell my husband about this.I was to ashamed.Also I can’t talk to my husband about this because he is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me.

I'm not a counselor or anything like that so will not even try to tell you how to deal with this emotionally ... for that, you should talk to a Dr. or professional counselor. This person who was involved in molesting you should be reported to security folks at the conference (no doubt too late for that) or to the police. I'm sure a female detective could be made available to take your story. If she's doing this to you, I suspect she's doing it to others. That just has to stop. That was back in September you said and so I don't know if she could still be found or dealt with but at least the police would have her profile on record. If you are a person with faith, I would also suggest talking to your clergy if you have trust in them. They may be able to help. Not sure I can offer additional suggestions. I just hope that in some small way they may give you ideas on avenues you could pursue to help ease the stress you feel. Not being female makes it difficult for me to relate and so these may not be ideas you feel comfortable with. Please, do seek some more professional assistance. A site such as this, in my opinion, is not the ideal place to seek guidance in such personal and troubling areas, especially from people who really don't know you. These are just my thoughts.

Thank you i am feeling so lost.Thanks you for reading this.I feel completely used and humiliated by this total stranger woman.I know this may sound like I’m overreacting, but I genuinely felt violated.I was practically hand raped by this pervert weird short skinny mature ugly total stranger woman.It was probably the most humiliating experience of my life. I just felt so powerless.I’m so terriby deeply humiliated by her.People often think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob when i am NOTHING like that at all,i have also been told that i think i am better than everyone else.People are saying to me that i look very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.People have told me that they always thought I was stuck up or that I thought I was too good for everyone else.I hate that so much….especially because the total opposite is true.Well, this never happened to me before, until now. I am 41year old woman.It was probably the most humiliating experience of my life.I was totally numb while she was touching me.I have no desire to do anything sexual with a women.I am 100% straight.I’ve never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.I’m posting this here since the incident was mildly traumatic for me even though I definitely wasn’t raped but i really think I was sexually assaulted. I just kind of want some thoughts or advice from people and don’t want to talk about it with people I know.I just kind of want to hear opinions or advice or something from someone.Thanks.I don’t have an issue with lesbians doing what they do and i don’t dislike them as people.I am not homophobic.I’ve been having this feeling of having been violated and I think I have been because this awful pervert woman just walked all over my boundaries.It is a very horrible feeling.I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself.I’m confused and my mind doesn’t stop. I really worry that I’m going to lose myself completely! I don want to waste anyone’s time but I had to get some of this out of my head.What is wrong with me? Is this a normal reaction to getting attacked…to disappear into your head and go limp or rigid? I’ve never heard anyone say they did this and I’m so ashamed that I couldn’t even say no or push this pervert hideous short skinny mature total stranger woman away. I have large boobs, and all men like to tell me about them. Men talk about them a lot, but no man ever dares to touch them. If he did I would tell him to ###$ off. If he did I would scream. If he did I might even report it.Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That’s just who I am.I love dressing up, I’ve tried dressing down, but I always end up changing. My clothes are there to be worn!People always ask me why I’m so dressed up.I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, i’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous – i said i was going shopping and she was like “really? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, i’d rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I don’t want to talk about it with my friends or people I know.I wanted to share this i am to ashamed.I don’t think I can discuss this verbally with anyone.If i meet this pervert woman i am going to put a lot of distance between the two of us.What if i freeze again?I don’t want to go to the neighboring town because of this awful woman.I am so confused about what happened to me!Whether or not it is my fault or not!I feel so ashamed.It is all my fault. I let that woman walk all over me.I’m physically stronger.I let that weird woman get away with so much.I was totally paralyzed.I am scared to see a therapist.I am terrified that I wont be able to even tell the therapist whats wrong with me.Please be brutally honest.I suppose I’m asking the question as to whether I give off subconsicous “please come take advantage of me” signals because it was scary how easily she started touching me.And this woman is short and skinny in her late 50s.I am physically stronger than her.Standing next to me she looked like a midget.That awful woman ruined me.I was totally paralyzed.I just collapsed into myself.I feel so humiliated.It was like i went into ‘freeze’ mode when she started touching me.I just was in shock.What happened I feel has traumatized me so much.Please tell me am I overreacting?

Thank you for being so open. I agree with DBs advice. That being said, please know that you didn't do anything wrong and that such shocking behavior by that other woman was something that would catch anyone off guard, especially as you never expected such a thing and never had that happen to you.

Hoping you heal mentally, and soon.

rabbit

Should I tell my husband? I want to tell him but Im afraid that he might get mad at me or something.I need someone to talk to.I just want someone to talk to. I don’t really know who.I understand that I’m being a wimp.It seems as though she targeted me from the very beginning.I am physically stronger than her.I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I was on 6inch high heels she was in sneakers.Standing next to me she looked like a midget but she was not intimidated by me.Why?

Without knowing your husband it would be difficult for any of us to offer advice on that question. I do know this: no matter what you should speak to your doctor about a referral to a professional who can help you to cope with what happened.

I can’t verbally talk about it because I have really bad anxiety. I can’t tell anyone really…I feel trapped.I keep trying to tell myself I can handle this but really I don’t know.I’m really ashamed.This is all so confusing.

Hi Stella, don't know if you are still here. You can't blame yourself for these actions. You did not ask for her to grope you, and you being paralyzed by the forwardness if this lady could be why you were not able to do anything. You need to let someone know that you were assaulted. You didn't ask for it. It maybe worth talking to a professional, if you don't feel your husband will stand beside you after this problem. Hopefully you have been able to get closure from this.

It's been awhile since she posted the first post , maybe still around, never know.
I'll tell you what I thought of the second I read about the little boy pointing at her and saying, mommy look she's a giant.

I would definetly respond to that. Being a little boy, i'd tell him something like this is how I was made. We'll have to keep watching you to see how tall you are when you're grown. I can reach things that are way up high. Let the mom kmow this could be the start of bullying. All kids need to express them selves, but make sure they're not hurting someone.

Then, I would turn to the kid, my eyes drilling into him, my lips curled back in a snarl, and I eat little boys for snack. hah ha ha

Course the mom would probaly call the stores security..... and who knows how this would turn out.

Maybe better to not scare little kds so disregard this message. Thought it'd lighten things up a bit.

Hi, I agree with all who posted.... get help. And I personally would tell my husband. He can be a big help to you. If he could go with you to one of these events. Having him there would hopeful give you enough courage to tell people who physicaly assault you to get lost, bug off, hit the road.... and then report it to police!

I can't help but wonder about the people who were there and watched it happen. Did they think you were part of the 'entertainment ? If this woman continued would somebody speak up ? If she was 'rubbing the satin shirt' of a young person, would they have called security ? I worry for your physical safety if you become involved with this group. Many police departments conduct safety classes, self defense, definetly look into your police department.

I wish you all the best, health, safety, and love. :)

Sexual Assault
 

I am so, so sorry I did not respond to this as soon as I returned to Pixies.
I was being my usually flighty self, far too self absorbed over my recent issues that I failed to look for other's who might be having pain/issues.

I do NOT want to open old wounds here, but I am compelled to say something.

THIS IS SERIOUS

THIS IS SEXUAL ASSAULT

YOU WERE VIOLATED!

As a woman who self identified as a lesbian nearly her entire adult lifer, I say THE GENDER OF THE OTHER PERSON MEANS NOTHING!!

When I practiced as a Nurse among a great many other things in my career I was certified in Women's Sexual Health, counseling other Women on sexual issues, but more to the point I was also a certified Sexual Assault Advocate/Counselor.

When I went through my training there was relatively little on same gender assault, mostly about male-on male, and essentially little to nothing about Woman on Woman assault.

The discussion in these cases was more about violent altercations, a Woman beating up another Woman, to put it simply. Theses were considered sexual assaults because often there was a sexual component, the aggressor attempting to subdue her victim in order to physically molest her.
The discussion at the time dealt with the lack of penetration. Remember, at this time in many states, the law did not consider a sexual assault rape unless there was penetration, in some states at least by object.

As I age, however ungracefully, I have to remember that much of what I have learned and experienced is very dated in our world today, and in many ways I am both happy and saddened that the laws and rules have come closer to catching up to reality.

First: If you are still having any issues, and I am almost certain that you are, whether it be sleep issues, nervousness in crowds, or when alone (more than you should normally) or intimacy issues, PLEASE seek a counselor.

It is NOT RARE for a Victim to seek counseling years after such an assault.

I want to address some specific questions you asked.

First: YOU ARE IN NOW WAY RESPONSIBLE OR AT FAULT FOR THIS.

PERIOD.

Second: Report her to the organizers of the event. The reality is that as she is a woman there may be a some resistance to possibly banning her from future events, but I would be very surprised if she hasn't done this to others at the same event.

It sounds like there were a lot of witnesses, if you have the means to do so, contact them and see if they are willing to support your story to those in charge.

Last, it is not too late to file a police report. Given the circumstance there is no issue regarding collecting evidence, but eye-witness reports are very helpful.
In many jurisdictions these things are just filed away, but if another report is filed in the future, it documents a pattern that can be used in prosecution.

Another thing.

She is not a pervert, whether lesbian or straight male.

SHE IS A PREDATOR

THIS WAS NOT ABOUT SEX, THIS WAS AN ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST YOU

Just as men will do, she took advantage of surprise and shock, her desire was to create confusion, uncertainty and FEAR.
The physical and emotional paralysis that goes with such an assault is part of the thrill for them, and is used as a weapon.

In nearly every person I counseled there was at least a moment, a split second of complete shock and fear when something happened, a deserted parking lot, in a crowded elevator, standing in line for concert tickets, or to get into a nightclub in a bar, or in an out-door concert venue. Often the unexpected setting itself is part of the weapon being used

Knowing what to do is so very hard. My personality is, as in most people, a combination of upbringing, education, and of course experience.

What I would do is not necessarily what you should do.

I have some personalality aspects that apply to myself, and only to myself.
My stature, or rather lack there of, is pretty much the opposite of yours.
You are literally a foot taller than I am
This has given me a strong aggressive attitude towards others when I feel I am being pushed around or otherwise taken advantage of.
I literally have been thrown out of and banned form more than one (OK two) Women's bars in New Orleans and Baton Rouge for fighting, and I am not talking about the hair pulling kind.
I am talking about punching and kicking and slapping. I am confident enough in myself to be physical.

That's me. It means NOTHING about you.

In that setting, you don't have to be physical, be VOCAL.

Turn and say loudly "Please do not touch me like that"
Or "Do not do that, that is inappropriate"
Or very loudly "Please back OFF"
"Do not touch me like that"

During the Presidential Debates, my friends and I kept waiting for Ms Clinton to turn and say something to Trump, something like "Are you lost? Your podium is over there, do you need help finding it?
Or just a simple "Please back off while I am speaking"
Sadly, predators use our civilized manors against us.

You are a beautiful woman who dresses and acts in a civilized manor, and I am not. That's what makes us each fun to know.

I realize I am making this about myself again and I apologize. This entry is much more stream of consciousness than I normally write.

Seek out self defense education and training for women.
It is there, and will improve your chances in reacting next time some animal tries something. What works to fend off a man will work to fend of another woman.
Remember, freezing is a survival instinct in the presence of a predator, ingrained in our DNA.
It's hard to overcome.

You are not alone.

Please seek help.

Linda

hi stella, I hope things are going better for you.

To be frank
 

More than once I have been told that I can be very uncivilized, especially when stressed. Or cornered.

i.e. Don't mess with the short chick.

:pissed:

I'm sorry

Dear Stella,
I hope you found a solution meanwhile and you could deal with it.

A lot of years ago I experienced a similar situation with an older guy living in the same house that I was living in.
We sat together in his living room on the sofa and during our talk he was approaching to constantly touch my arm and playing around. I was, like you, completely paralyzed, not able to react in any way... I must say, I am an absolute hetero, and gay stuff is something of a different world to me.
The following days I literally felt sick thinking about that evening. Finally I wrote him a letter telling him that I didn´t want to see him again.
This strategy worked and everything went better.

To make it short, let me tell you, you do not have to feel guilty in any way. Guilty of what?
You know what you want and what you don´t. The problem from my point of view was that you were not able to defend yourself, because you were not prepared for a situation like this. If you work on your self-defence :bite: and self-assurance, you are on the right way.