~^~Mommy Meltdown~^~

[Lilith]

OK so I know this is not exactly the place we discuss kids but it is about sex too...........and I know I rarely ever ask for advice cause I usually think I know it all :o but here goes.........

I get home late last night from class and immediately jump on Pixies to see what you sexy peeps have been up to while I was away, while doing that I happen to spot some hits in the history to Playboy and Girl Gone Wild sites. Ok so I ask my hubby.....nope not him. That only leaves one other person...........my baby....ok obviously not a baby, he is 11. So I had a small coronary...and asked my S/O to be sure to talk to him.....but here is my dilemma, my S/O is lovely kind and gentle but he is also a tiny bit prudish. I don't want my kid to feel like he can't talk about things, and I want him to feel OK talking to me about sex too. So, do I talk to him about it, him having seen these sites?? I don't wanna freak him out but I also take issue with him sneaking to do it? What do ya think???

[jennaflower]

Lilith..

I think that you should talk to him... infact I think that this is a great opportunity to do so (easy for me to say as my son is 7 and thank goodness I haven't had to do it yet. LOL). Doing so now, I think will only instill in him the realization that he can talk to you about anything.

How do you approach it? Well.. certainly not in an accusitory manner, infact not entirely necessary that you even bring up your discovery of his actions on the net. Bring home a Victoria's Secret catalog.. sit on the couch when he is there... and slowly bring up the issue of beautiful women and go from there (or atleast I think that is what I would do).

[Lilith]

LOL~ I think everyone is giving there boys Vicki's Secret's catlogs as soft porn now........... here is my issue with that......... those are not real women. Airbrished, silicon enhanced, anorexic, women are not the image I want my son to have as a reference for what beauty is.........
Jenna~ I think you are on the right track I certainy don't wanna make him feel ashamed of his curiousity in any way...TY

[Lovediva]

Lil....no need to have a meltdown..it's bound to happen sooner or later...heehee. I would definetly talk to him, but not as an angry mom..Tell him he will have plenty opportunity to view that as he gets older..and there is no need to rush things. Stay a kid as long as possible....But All kids are curious at that age.......just like Us Adults...heehee...so grin and bear it...your baby is growing up!!!

But think of this...there are kids that are 11 that are sexually active out there....so count yourself lucky he is only looking at those sites!!

[Lilith]

Originally posted by Diva
Lil....

But think of this...there are kids that are 11 that are sexually active out there....so count yourself lucky he is only looking at those sites!!


OMG hush!!!!!:D:D:p

[Thinker]

Simply tell his that it is illgeal for him to go to those sites till he is 18, and he could very well get in trouble with the law for going to them. You don't have to get harsh but that should scare the socks off him till he hits puberty. At which time he will probably go back to those sites covering up his tracks as he goes along.

[jennaflower]

Your right.. those women in Victorias Secret aren't real.. and that is a great way to approach the sexuality issue in general..

I have a 7 year old son. Thank heavens.. he is tooo young yet to be askin many questions about sex... BUT.. he is picking things up.. The other day.. I was looking thru the lastest issue of People.. and the magazine had atleast 2 sexy undy ads for ladies. You know the kind.. skimpy bra and panties.. hair blowing in the wind... with a come hither look on her face. Anyway.. I noticed that my son was glancing at it. I asked him if she thought she was "pretty"... he blushed.. and said no.. said that I was pretty (Awwwww.. that is my boy!). I explained to him that I didn't ask if they were prettier, just asked if they were pretty in general.. it was then that he admitted that yes indeed he thought they were pretty. It was then that he and I started a discussion as to "beauty" and thankfully so far.. my son seems to have inherited the knowledge that the outer package isn't as important as what it contains within.

Sorry.. for taking your thread off subject Lilith.. but my point is the same.. I think that you have a great opportunity to address sexuality on a general basis with your son.. and share with him your views (that airbrushed models aren't the ones who last).

[jjjjbo]

Lil ... I don't have any kids, so maybe I'm out in left field, but I don't think I know an 11 yr old boy who wouldn't totally shut down if his mom started to talk to him about sex. But that may be more reflective of those who I know in my day to day life with boys that age .... Does he have a male role model outside the family that might be a neutral source of info and guidance??? sometimes teenagers and those approaching teen years respond better in that type of situation. Anyway, hope you come to an answer that works great for you

[Lilith]

Ok well his Dad and he chatted this morning...and I think it went fairly well. So I pick him up from school and it is just him and me. He is talking 100 mph so I know he is trying to avoid the issue, so I just stopped him and we talked...he was curt in his answers but honest and I told him it is perfectly normal for him to be curious especially now that he goes to school with girls who are becomming women. He relaxed and the talk went well.....at the end I asked if he had any questions for me......he said no but then in a little while he said," I have a question....who is better on the computer you or Dad?" I simply answered,"who caught you?!" we giggled and he says" I guess you are Mom." I said "yes so you better not try it again!" I guess we are gonna make it!

[jjjjbo]

sounds like you have a great relationship with your kids!! Good job!

[Oldfart]

Lil,

Pick a few very soft porn sites and tell him you'll nail him to the

clothesline if you catch him there.

Lead him in directions gently.

[jennaflower]

Glad to hear things went well Lilith.... From all I have learned about you here.. I have no doubt that you are a good mom.. not to mention a damn cool one :)

[PantyFanatic]

Not that your boy is peeking at the girls, but this one fact I (eventually) found. Even though every new set of eyes and jolted synapsis are certain of the NEW discovery or even sure they’re the inventers of, sex has worked for quite a while.
The mental and emotional parts of this will happen just as surely as the physical aspects, and should be just as gradual.
Having gone threw this a couple decades ago, I too found the plastic bag of girlie books in the old dog house in the woods behind our home. I didn’t feel a need to mention it and was just there to answer questions or correct those kid conversations theories as they were “asked”.
The first topic was more about it being a good:D, natural:rolleyes:, personal:cool:, adult:) thing. After that it was easier to just respond to what was their at the time. Worked for me with both my son and daughter who now have they’re own who will be someday make THE DISCOVERY.

[dannyk]

I envy your relationship with your kids, Lilith. Although it might be wrong to suggest that with a Pixies legend like yourself in the house, this was bound to happen sooner or later, I think you, and your hubby, handled it well. Good practice for the next young'un!

Lil, jenna ~ the Victoria Secret's ladies aren't real??? Say it isn't so!!

[ericthered]

I look into my crystal ball and see....that Lilith's little boy is taking after his mom. I predict a stimulating future. Poor fella is going to have to wait an awfully long time before one of those exciting ladies gives him a ride.

[Lilith]

A VERY LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nuelaan]

Well I say talk to him, I mean it has to be better than how I learned "All I needed to know about sex but was afraid to ask". I was at a friends house and he had hidden away (like most kids would adult magazines) instructional sex books and pamplets. No wonder I am emotionally scarred. Anyway its your call, my Mom was a nurse so you might think I would have heard the old tab A in Slot B instructional seminar, but I learned on my own. Don't make him do that. If you answer his questions, maybe he won't go try and find out on his own.

[Irish]

Lilith---Let me give you things from a male perspective.Mothers want to think that their children are innocent.Actually;the last person that boys want to talk to them about sex is their mothers!
Granted;my mother was very religious(strict Catholic).I felt at ease;talking to my father;but not my mother;who thought that sex was only for procreation.When my mother;had the"Birds&
Bees"talk with me;I had already had sex!You are never ready to
have sex;before marriage;to your mother.I actually;used to say a
prayer;before sexual contact but that wasn't going to stop me!
Irish
P.S.I know;things are different now;but thats from a males point
of view.I'm still my mothers little boy and my daughters are in their 30s now!

[thun]

rather than trying to do the impossible (block his access to X sites) [trust me, he'll get smart enought to avoid detection and curious enough to ignore your NO's], i'd boomark some GOOD and INFORMATIVE sites (like sexuality.org) , so he'll be informed, and not think that 'girls & horses' [one of the 10000s of popups today] are a natural thing ...

[Lilith]

Thanks everyone all very valid ideas.

[Pussy Willow]

HEY THERE LILITH,

I also have and 11 yr. old son, and a 7 yr. old son.
We had the "talk" while driving upstate. He asked the questions
dreaded by all moms......"Where do babies come from ? " and
"How do the babies get into the mommy's stomach?"

I said "The mommy and daddy have sex !!!" and tried to explain
what that was so as to satisify an 11 and a 7 yr. old curiosity. The 11 yr. old looked a little confused by the whole thing and little one said, and I quote EWWWWUUUUU!!!!!! Yuck !!!!!!!!!
"That's gross!!!!"

So, now should I be worried ??????

Anyway, since then and now a yr. older the 11 yr. old understands the definition and purpose of sex and the little one
still thinks it's "gross".

I wanted them to know the real deal from me, before they got
any information from their friends on the subject.

My advice.......Just talk to him!!!!

I know, I know, I coulda' said that in the first place, but there it is !!!

[Lilith]

PW~ When I tried to explain it all to him when he was younger I had the talk explaining eggs and sperms and intercourse.....when all finished I said"any questions?"

and he says, "these eggs do they look like a chicken's eggs???????":o:o:p

[thun]

how come all the submisive and/or bdsm-ish mothers don't want their children to have the same fun they do ???

and... something that happened to a long-time-ago girlfriend : she made a ... video of herself :) [just herself] (if we count out the dildos and beads and half the toy-store *grin*) , tape found by her mother, who watched it entirely (2 hours) WITH her [made her stay there , so she (the mother) wouldn't have to yell for the daughter if she would want to say anything.

I swear i have never seen a person that red in my life [i happened to 'bump' in in the middle of it].
Now i was extremly arroused by the whole thing, however, thinking it over, i don't think i would be able to do it (watch the tape) if my son/daughter [when i'll have any of them :P] would do it... but ... WOW!

++ for the ladies that keep their photos in the computer/house/videos... how would the kid react to se his sweet mummy 'in action' ??

....sorry to get off track... memories are soooo nice sometimes...

[Irish]

To all parents here.I know that this doesn't have anything to do
with this thread&I know that kids can be annoying;when they're
young&you want to spend personal time with your S/O.Speaking
from experience;spend as much time as you can;with your
children;while they're young!All of a sudden;they're grown&out of
the house&in my case;have kids of their own!I know;I have four
grandkids now and you are just as protective(maybe;even more)
of them as you were with your own! Irish

[Bilbo]

Originally posted by Lilith
he said," I have a question....who is better on the computer you or Dad?" I simply answered,"who caught you?!" we giggled and he says" I guess you are Mom." I said "yes so you better not try it again!" I guess we are gonna make it!


wonder if the little feller has developed a keen interest in computer science lately?;)