Why call a lady a slut?

[ericthered]

Why do we ever call ladies 'sluts'? I've just looked in my dictionary -"a slovenly woman". Great help; but "slovenly" gives "Personally untidy or dirty, careless & lazy".

Are we talking about sexy ladies who are prepared to be adventurous, give us a flash in the supermarket or a suck in the park; who enjoy life and only say no if they absolutely have to; who take pictures of their interesting bits and post them on Pixies? Are we talking about ladies who love sex as much as men do? If we are, we need a new word.

"Slut" is very negative and we are talking about ladies who are pearls beyond price......

[AbstractMoofies]

Ah, the hypocrisy of society. I don't understand why peoples reaction to your sexual appetites/practises should change because of your genitalia...

[legend]

views change gradually


it won't happen overnight, but it will happen :p :D

[jennaflower]

funny... makes one wonder why it is that women who enjoy sex and admit it are referred to as sluts.. yet our male counterparts are thought of as studs.

As an adult, I don't see myself ever thinking of someone as a slut. When I was younger, and maybe not so aware of my own sexuality and my needs... then I guess I may have thought of some women as sluts... but like I said.. that was before I understood.

Personally, I think I would be greatly offended if I heard a stranger or even someone who knew me remotely well calling me a slut. HOWEVER, in the bedroom... I don't mind at all :) LOL

[scotzoidman]

I've heard a slut defined as a woman with the morals of a man ;) Dead on, Jenna, I only use the term when she wants me to talk dirty to her...lots of words that only work in the heat of passion...

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

I was recently called 'slut' for the first time in a sexual situation and it was a real shock to the system at the time. I am a very sexual person and very uninhibited, but i think of a 'slut' as being a woman who is promiscuous and i am far from that, so i wasn't too happy to be called that as it is inaccurate, in my case!

I accepted that it was in the heat of the moment and we reached a compromise that he was ok to use it as long as it wasn't too often and it wasn't a kind of deliberate thing. If it just slips out because he's so horny, fine, but don't use it for my benefit, because it's not a turn on for me.

I'm sick of the double standard with sex and the fact that women are often teased and humiliated if an aspect of their sexuality is revealed, even within their relationships. I'm on a mission to make sure that my next long term partner respects me FOR my sexuality not inspite of it. Surely the fact that i'm into sexual experimentation should make me more desirable, but my experience has been that i've been taken less seriously by my lovers for enjoying sex. As though although i seem like a 'nice girl' on the outside, in fact i'm not so i don't need to be treated with the same level of respect. That stinks!!! Why does liking sex mean that we can't be strong intelligent independent women and be treated as such?

As you can probably tell this is a pet gripe of mine!

[ericthered]

Good for you, A.K.'s Sexpot! Being sexy should be a part of very well-educated lady's personality. Being especially good at it should be celebrated in the same way that being a good home-maker, good cook or a good gardener is.

But quite apart from men criticising sexy women, the saddest thing is other women looking at their sisters and calling them names because they enjoy life. They have even less excuse!

[dzbuster]

at one point i was having sex with three differant women going from one to an other. i told all three they weren't the only one. later after this ended i was telling a female friend about it. i told her i had been slutting around. she asked me to explain. when i told her i was the slut she laughed and said as long as i understood that it was all good.
my point being i don't see being a slut as gender based. i've described plenty of my male friends to their face as sluts.
finally, if i call a woman a slut during sex i don't mean that anymore than if i call her a bitch or a whore. damn i really wouldn't want any of those 3 and if i'm there that should scream that they're just role playing words. i've heard and believe the way to a woman's heart (other than straight through the ribs) is to know when to treat her like a lady and when to treat her like a whore

[ericthered]

DZbuster: Different strokes, different folks etc I guess. I have a soft spot for whores and would rather take one out to dinner than some of the uptight women I meet day to day. I just don't get off calling ladies bad names personally, and calling my lady a slut would be the fastest way to a fat lip I can think of.

[Vintage Vixen]

There's always been a double standard where it's ok for men to go and screw anything that has a hole ,but when a women does it she's a slut?Well that dosen't really concern me anymore because i've changed my life in a big way.But i'll tell ya i can get as down and dirty and nasty now actually more so because i'm with one person.I dress in a way to get attention when we go out,but i go home with him.He can call me a his slut,or his nsty little whore while he's fuckin me or i'm givin him head personally i get off on it and he know's it.But i don't give myself to other men or go after married men or anyone else for that matter.It was never really about the sex,it was about the attention.Now it's about sex and i can be as slutty as i wanna be with my bf.
Geeze did i get off track here?

[BamaKyttn]

dunno I was only wearing a t shirt and reached over to goose my girl and found that she was wearing >GASP< Panties!!! I know that some people (PF) like that but I'm fairly anti-panties, they're obnoxious. Souls can vouch for me, I never wear painties unless I plan to use them in late activities, such as a tease or to give away. how many pair have I lost to Souls? dunno. anyway, I tried to goose her and when I found the barrier said "you slut! " she said "what?" I responded "YOU"RE WEARING UNDERWEAR!" at that point we collapsed because of the irony....... anyway probably lost outta context, licks, dicks sucks and fucks
Kyttn

[Irish]

I;personaly;don't like calling anyone names!Different names are;
for one thing;taken offensively;by people of different lifestyles.
Once;in conversation;I referred to my wife;as my"Old Lady"In the
;motorcycle lifestyle;that;I was in;that is a term of endearment.
My conversation;was overheard;by a woman;who led a feminist
lifestyle.She took offense;to my referring to my wife that way.
While;none of her business;it was taken wrongly!I;don't particularly;like the word"Slut";but that's me! Irish
P.S.Different strokes;for different folks.

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

I'm with Irish on this one, actually. I don't like name calling at all - and although i will hold my hands up and admit that i am the world's worst when it comes to giving people 'pet names' i think it's really important that you only call people names they are happy with, in or out of the bedroom.

Actually (confession time now) the 'slut' incident i referred to earlier also got us into the whole name calling debate and i told him that as much as i don't get off on being called a 'slut', there are two things that turn me off even more. I hate to be called by my name or my nickname during sex and i can't stand to be told 'i love you'!!!!!!! This probably means i should be going for counselling, but nothing will turn me off faster!!!

In fact, when i told one lover that he said to me, 'Wow, you're not like a girl!' which i actually took as a compliment - well no-one said i was normal!!!!!!!!!

[Gentle_man]

There's another "mentality" side to this issue. It seems that the porn community generally feels that the language used in porn flicks is really what sex is about. Every woman in these movies screams "FUCK ME! HARDER HARDER!", waking good neighbors three blocks around.
I have made love with numerous women (yes, I've been called a slut) and none have talked, or wanted talk like that.
On the other hand, I also feel that if you screw somebody over, you deserve to be called a slut. Gender notwithstanding!
Bottom line... Good women are gems to be cherished.

[Lovediva]

"FUCK ME! HARDER HARDER!"

Sounds good to me!!! :D :D


*A little humorous intermission*

Back to the discussion..... :D

[gekkogecko]

OK, I have a reply, but it's a lenghtly one. If you don't like long messages, or aren't into a relatively scholarly examination of hte issue, don't read it.

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

It never fails to impress me how a site such as this attracts such a diverse range of people, many of whom are so articulate and thoughtful, and ALL of whom have something valuable to contribute. It makes me feel better about the world!

Thanks for that gekkogecko. I think you pretty much summed up the 'how we ever got into this mess' question, so what's your take on how we get out of it?

How do we undo thousands of years of somewhat misguided religious doctrine? Or perhaps you don't feel it is misguided . . . the reasoning behind the explanation still stands up today, don't you think?

For my part, i feel that this logic is somewhat obsolete in modern society and i feel that the only way we'll break it is by teaching our children differently.

On a lighter note. . . . i'm one of the 'fuck me harder' porn star types, so we do exist!! I think that porn flicks have (rightly or wrongly) integrated terms such as 'slut' and 'bitch' into the vocabulary of sex, in such a way that men use it without thinking of what the words might mean - they just associate it with wild 'porn star' type sex and that's great for them. I'd be really worried if a sexual partner really did mean what he said when he used those kind of names. . . hell i'd be more than upset, i'd be out of there!

[jennaflower]

ah.. I just love intelligence :) If I had to pick between brains and equipment... I know I would choose brains :) Thanks gekkogecko for expressing yours here...

I agree with A.K.'s Sex-Pot... the only thing that is going to bring about change.. whether it be positive or negative is us and what we choose to teach our children.

As an adult, I have long ago stopped thinking of "slut" as a negative term. Yes, it is true that I still don't like the idea of just any Tom, Dick, or Harry referring to me as one..

[juiceyjackie]

To use "slut" in the modern sense ... "you have to be a lady in public and a slut in the bedroom!"... ;)

[ericthered]

You're right, Juicyjackie (what a lovely handle!) but I just can't get my mind around the word. Not that I want to be politically correct and ban it or anything. I don't like using the word 'whore' in a pejorative way either; a whore is just some-one who trades sex for money and what's wrong with that for a profession? Not far different from, say, a hairdresser. You get good ones & bad ones; people who enjoy their work and give a good time, and others who just grab the money and run. Where potential clients get off being so rude about them?

[me_carl]

I really liked the full and detailed explaination that gekkogecko gave us. I knew a few things but his explanation sure filled in the blanks.
Now my next line is only a joke to lighten it up a bit so take it easy on me, Please.

The differance between a slut and bitch is that a slut will fuck anybody, but a bitch will fuck anyone but you!

[gekkogecko]

Originally posted by A.K.'s Sex-Pot
Thanks for that gekkogecko. I think you pretty much summed up the 'how we ever got into this mess' question, so what's your take on how we get out of it?
(snip)
For my part, i feel that this logic is somewhat obsolete in modern society and i feel that the only way we'll break it is by teaching our children differently.


I think you've arlready come up with a really good answer, if not THE answer (is there such a thng as THE answer?). I certainly have tried to teach my daughter that in all aspects of life, including whatever sexual activities she may choose to indulge in later on, the guiding principle should be respect for her fellow human beings.

Carl also said, tongue-in-cheek:
The differance between a slut and bitch is that a slut will fuck anybody, but a bitch will fuck anyone but you!

Yes! Yes! Yes! If I had a nickle for every time I've heard this applied exactly in that manner...

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

Just out of interest, guys, how many of you have been called a 'Bastard' (or something similar) during sex?

Would it bother you, and if so why, or would you just associate it with a wild woman who lost all control?

I'm just wondering how many women would call their guys names which are equally unpleasant. . . . and how you guys would feel about it. I have to say that if a guy was going to call me 'slut' on a regualr basis, i'd perhaps be happier if i could call him some nasty names too. Might help me feel that it wasn't anything personal, just a different dynamic to our dirty talk. . . .

I'd like to add at this point that while i have slept with a couple, i've never actually called a guy a bastard in bed!!!!!

[Irish]

A.K.s Sex-Pot---I think that;once again;it depends;on someones
personal interpretation;of the word.I;myself;wouldn't be bothered that much;by someone calling me a"Bastard."On the other hand;the word"Slut"is;to me;a derogatory term! Irish
P.S.When you've been a"biker"for as long as I have-there isn't
much that you;HAVEN'T been called.Just consider the source!

[legend]

we use the word bastard as a term of endearment!

just depends on how you say it.....eg he's a good ol' bastard

[gekkogecko]

Originally posted by A.K.'s Sex-Pot
Just out of interest, guys, how many of you have been called a 'Bastard' (or something similar) during sex?


Never. OTOH, my motehr occasionally calls me a "son-of-a-bitch". I don't argue, I figure she should know better than I.

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

I was meaning more a long the lines of:

'Fuck me, you bastard! Fuck me hard!'

when you're really in the heat of it, rather than in ordinary conversation or in jest.

I don't think it's that common, and i think that the responses from this probably back that up. . . . just thought we should open up the debate a little. . . .

[Ironwood]

It's not something I've ever heard, but I live in a sexually-inhibited area. At the risk of making myself seem ridiculous, I will tell you that the first couple of times women cried out during sex (one kept saying my name, another repeated "please"), I tried to find out what they wanted, assuming they meant to communicate. No, I wasn't young and naive. I'd just been with an unresponsive partner for years, and she was my first.

In any case, knowing what I know now, I'd love it as I do every sound a woman makes in that situation. Besides, I am an arrogant bastard, so I couldn't complain.

[pepsigirl]

I personally don't mind it if we are in the throws of passion and he's banging me hard. He'll say "you're my little slut (or whore), aren't you baby." and slap my ass. makes me hot as hell and makes me want even more if that is possible. but in other circumstances, i would take offense.

[tertiary_3]

I don't think "bastard" has the same sexual connotations that "slut" does. If anyone called me a bastard in bed I think I'd just have to laugh.

And in my experience, girls tend to use the term slut much moreso than men. Girls think of it as an insult. Guys use it to know which girls at the party they should talk to. :)

[Dark Lord]

Why call a lady a slut?

First I believe that is called an oxymoron...

But my answer is that a slut is a slut.
Just like a dog is a dog. Or an orange is an orange.
Get it????

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

I see what you're saying DL but the point is that some women who are 'ladies' do get called sluts in the heat of the moment and Ericthered's question is why call a lady that just because she enjoys sex?

Enjoying sex does not make someone a 'slut'. Being promiscuous or unselective does.

[Lorelei]

Originally posted by ericthered
Why do we ever call ladies 'sluts'? I've just looked in my dictionary -"a slovenly woman". Great help; but "slovenly" gives "Personally untidy or dirty, careless & lazy".

Are we talking about sexy ladies who are prepared to be adventurous, give us a flash in the supermarket or a suck in the park; who enjoy life and only say no if they absolutely have to; who take pictures of their interesting bits and post them on Pixies? Are we talking about ladies who love sex as much as men do? If we are, we need a new word.

"Slut" is very negative and we are talking about ladies who are pearls beyond price......

Well, in my circle, slut is redefined as a compliment. A slut is a person who is very unselfish, loving, and giving.

I LOVE being called a slut; love the sound of the word....I also like being called a cunt and bitch. :D It's how it's used.

[BlueSwede]

Definitely different strokes for different strokes. I know that Jenne at the site Clitical.com calls herself an ethical slut, and I know she takes pride in that. I myself would be highly insulted to be called a slut or a bitch in or out of the bedroom--and I love sex and dirty talk in the bedroom and have just as high a sex drive as the next person. Probably because of the connotations of those words when I was growing up, I could never take them as compliments, just as I could never see other derogatory words such as "nigger" being taken as compliments.

[Lorelei]

Originally posted by BlueSwede
....Probably because of the connotations of those words when I was growing up, I could never take them as compliments, just as I could never see other derogatory words such as "nigger" being taken as compliments.

The black community has tried to redefine that word. They use "nigga" (sp?), as an affectionate word. Like, I've heard people say, 'You're my nigga' as a compliment.

Racial words are the ONLY words I have a problem with, to be honest. Not just against me, but against any race.

Hey, let's not forget, the gay community has redefined the word, 'queer', even though it still can be used as a very derogative word.

It all depends on HOW it's used.

Cunt, to me is like fuck. Both words sound harsh and brazenly hot, & sexy! IMO. :D

[robin44]

That's interesting, when I write I agree with you about the word 'cunt' yet when 'pussy' is used it seems much softer, that word itself having been taken from a much different meaning.

[Nuelaan]

An freind once told me a slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone but you. I miss that bitch. She was a "liberated" woman who kept me on my toes. Maybe it is unfair to say a woman who enjoys sex, and makes it well known, is a slut, but then again a man who will stick anything with a hole isn't something I respect either. I don't think its fair to say that the male form of slut = stud. A male slut is a slut still, and not something I look up too.

[ericthered]

I think I like Lorelei - she has got her head screwed on. If she ever needs any help to have it screwed off.......

[bordendazed]

Usually the utterer (?) is a trite and insecure person.

Now there are times when there really is a slut to behold, and you will usually smell them before you see them, but most uses of this word are masking a lack of awareness or some petty jealousy...