BBW/BBM: Either you love em.. or you hate um?

[jennaflower]

Alright... I realize that this subject is tossed around countless times on the net in general... but I wanted to pose it here.. since those here tend to be more open and honest about their thoughts...

For all of you guys and gals...

Would you date someone who would be considered a BBW or BBM? And if so, would the fact that they are limit the chances that the relationship would become serious? On the other side.. would it bother you if the spouse that you married, over time became a BBW/BBM? Do you think that it would negatively effect your sexual desire?

For those of you who would never consider becoming involved with someone who falls into this category... Why not? Is it actually the "fat" issue, or is it more what others may/may not say?

How would you react if suddenly, without much warning you yourself became a BBW/BBM (it is possible, medically it could happen). How do you think it would change your sexual being?

I ask this for many reasons...

I have a close friend who is tall and slender.. a wonderful person, a great mother, a fantastic wife (in my opinion). Her husband is equally marvelous and they have been married for 18 years. She once told me years ago that he told her that if she ever got "fat" that he wouldn't remain married to her.

On a more personal level.... I consider myself to be a BBW... smaller than many I would guess but a BBW none the less. I am aware that there are men who truly find those of us who are BBW's attractive, afterall there are many BBW sites that have HUGE (no pun intended) member followings. But I believe that those who do are shy about it (for whatever reason).

It would be my guess that those who come to Pixies are more inclined to appreciate those of us who fall into the BBW/BBM category because they tend to be more sure with themselves and open to the idea.

I imagine that many people saw "Shallow Hal"... which in my opinion was a wonderful experiment in human behavior. One of my best movie experiences occured while watching that movie. The majority of people who were in the theater were "couples" who were much closer to picture perfect that myself. I so enjoyed watching the movie... laughing.. seeing the reality of it all... and listening to those around me gasp and squirm in their seats at such an accurate portrayal..

So.. your thoughts.. good and bad.. as brutally as neccessary.. would love to know your thoughts..

[skipthisone]

Jenna first of all great thread..

I my opinion a lot of the time it is not the person who looks at or appreciates the BBW/BBM thats sexual desire decreases, although I'm sure there are those that just do not like it. But it has been my experience that it is the BBW/BBM themselves whose sexual desire decreases due to a drop or lack of any self worth or confidence any more...sometimes its think FAT you are FAT even if you arnt or are and even if other dont mind.

[jennaflower]

Skip,

I agree to a point that some who are/or become BB have a decrease in their sexual desire.. but I believe that is not the typical. As with everyone, if your self esteem has taken a dive.. most certainly your sexual desires are headed the same way.... south. And yes, many people have low self esteem including those who are BB... so yeah.. I can see that in those cases it would indeed negatively effect their sexual libido.

I can only speak for myself, in that my sexual desire seems to be more linked to my age... than to my weight. Even tho I am BB... now that I have hit my early 30's... my sexual desire is very intense.. tho I am sure that in the absence of a self esteem issue my drive would even be more intense (Good heavens I don't even dare imagine it being more).

Yep.. I think the mind is what plays the largest role... thus making the saying "the brain is the largest sexual organ" a completely true statement. Those who are BB and are completely happy with the person they are... I would imagine that their BBness does not not negatively effect their sexual desire...

[Kendall]

Jenn,

Some of the most "open" and friendly women that I have met.. over my long stay on this planet, have been BBW. Just like everyone, I have found that these women.. are a culmination of their pasts. If they have had problems with some issues in the past.. it seems to often allow them to intensify.. their feelings in the present.. I have found that such women are never shallow.. and their intensity is always invigorating.

I would suppose not all BBW women get to the point that you are or that I'm describing.. This is most likely because of the men in their lives..

My suggestion to the men out there.. Give them a good look and enjoy...

Kendall

[axe31]

i like the person not there size i my self could
fall into the bbm iam some wat overweight
i find that on the gay scene it is even worse
for "must be thin " just look at the media
nearly all the gay men in moves and tv are thin

[Midnight Kiss]

I have been a BBW , was all my life until about 2 years ago. I was 26w and larger....... though now a 14 :D. But as far as a difference in my sexual drive there is none. I am still horny all the time same as I was when I was BBW. The first husband use to joke around that I was a nympho (sp). And I think the teddy bears out there are the sexiest things alive. (shhhhhh, don't tell the s/o, he is a bean pole). But there is just something about someone being all soft and cuddly, though I have dated men that looked like teddy bears and were actually in quite good shape. Just because you/they are a BBP does not mean that they aren't taking care of themselves or working out, or are not healthy. I have been sick more in the past two years than I can ever remember, plus it is the first time I have ever been cold, lol, which some will say is a good thing, since I use to freeze them to death. I always felt that if you truely love someone, it does not matter what happens you will be there for them. So for someone to say if you get "fat" then I won't stay with you tells you that they don't truely love you. I was 245 pounds when I got married the 1st time, and gained 80 more pounds in the next five years. One of the reasons he gave me for leaving was that he just never saw himself with someone as big as me. And that if something was to happen there would be no way he could save me (fire, falling off a boat ect....). And this was told to me with us still in bed after sex.............................. and the person he was having an affair with was about the same size I was when we had first started gotten married. So, really did not take that excuse to heart after I thought about it several months later. I guess what I am saying is that I have been there myself, and that to truely love someone size does not matter. Everyone has special quailities that are all their own.

[jennaflower]

kendall... Bless you :) LOL... I believe that for the most part.. the men that are worth having look past the weight issue. Those that don't... well it is usually a sign that there are underlying issues in general and aren't the kind of man that I would be attracted to in the first place.

axe... I have noticed that :( I know that there are few "accurate" presentations of the gay/lesbian community... the only one that I can think of is "Queer As Folk". I watch it from time to time, and that show definetly shows that "being thin" is the only way to be in that life style. I am not naive enough to think for a moment that there aren't BBP that are gay/lesbian... and it is sad that on one of the few programs that "represents" their community they themselves are not represented.

Midnight Kiss... First let me say... Good for you!! A weight loss of any kind is something to be proud of... one of that amount should be applauded. I know first hand how hard it is to do.

Like Midnight Kiss, I personally happen to be more attracted to those men who are on the high (or higher) side of average. There is something to be said for the cuddling factor :) On the other side tho, I don't rule a potential mate out just because he happens to be thin. That would be doing exactly what I don't like having done to me.. judging strickly from the outside.

Oh yeah, I am a BBW... but I am not ashamed of it. Yes, it is true I am in the process of losing what I can (and winning)... but I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind that regardless to the weight issue, I am a absolutely fantastic woman with brains, humor, a heart capable of limitless love, and the bonus of a very strong sexual desire. Just so happens that I am also blessed with extra padding :)

[Sharni]

Congrats on the losing weight Jenna :)

I'm a BBW as well and also in the process of losing weight (and winning so far).

What a lot of ppl forget is we are still the same person inside even though the outside may change.

[jennaflower]

sharniqua....

I have along way to go yet :) but I will get there.

Yes, no matter how the outside may change, people remain the same within. Inside I am always going to be the same person.. nor would I ever want that to change :)

[Sharni]

I've lost 19kilos (42lbs) so far

I have around 43 kilos (95lbs):eek: to go to get to my goal weight...

I'ts taken about a year to get to here....and i imagine will take a while longer to lose the rest....but i'll get there eventually

I'm the same....i wont change the inner me...nor do i want to :D

[Sassy Rose]

jennaflower, thank you so much for this thread :) I too am a bbw and although I would like to (and am try to) lose weight, I am proud of my body. And like you, my sexual desire has nothing to do with my weight although at one time in my life my self-esteem was rather low because of it and I'm sure that affected it. But, I overcame that and when I hit 30 my sexual desire went into overdrive :D

I applaud both men and women who can look beyond the outer shell and see the inner beauty in both themselves and others. For many this is not an easy task. I must say that I was hesitant about posting pics here even though I am proud of my sexuality and I am so glad that I did because I found that both the men and women here at Pixies are the BEST.

~Sassy

[Sassy Rose]

jennaflower, thank you so much for this thread :) I too am a bbw and although I would like to (and am try to) lose weight, I am proud of my body. And like you, my sexual desire has nothing to do with my weight although at one time in my life my self-esteem was rather low because of it and I'm sure that affected it. But, I overcame that and when I hit 30 my sexual desire went into overdrive :D

I applaud both men and women who can look beyond the outer shell and see the inner beauty in both themselves and others. For many this is not an easy task. I must say that I was hesitant about posting pics here even though I am proud of my sexuality and I am so glad that I did because I found that both the men and women here at Pixies are the BEST.

~Sassy

[MR_bloke]

To answer the original question... I wouldn't let the physical shape or size of someone get in the way of the possibility of finding love. What kind of person they are is far more important to me.

Besides our shapes tend to change over our lifetimes anyway ;)

[Sugarsprinkles]

Thanks for starting this thread, jennaflower! This is a really loaded topic for me. I guess according to today's definition I would be considered a BBW. I don't like being called a BBW. To me, personally, if I call myself a BBW, I'm admitting defeat, that I am overweight and will always be this way. I don't intend to always be this size. I don't like being BBW! I don't think there is anything attractive about it, for ME. I desperately want to NOT be BBW! I don't feel good at this size, nor do I think I look good. Being short only compounds the problem, but there's nothing I can do about my height.
But I must sincerely thank all the open-minded and open-hearted men and women here at Pixies. Because of the acceptance I have found here I know there is no reason I cannot still express my sexuality. My size should have no bearing on my sexual feelings or desires. And there are people out there that would not immediately turn away from me because of my size. I just don't want to be thought of as attractive BECAUSE I'm a BBW. I want to be thought of as attractive or desirable IN SPITE OF being a BBW.

Please get to know the ME that exists inside this body.....that's who I am. You may call me a BBW, but although that may be WHAT I am, it's not WHO I am.

[Johson]

Shar and Jenna, what are you doing to loose weight?

Only 42 pounds in a year? Congragulations on making the effort, god knows most people wont, but I'm curious what you're effort has consisted of?

[Sharni]

Originally posted by Johson
Only 42 pounds in a year?
What do you mean ONLY? 19 kilos is a forking lot actually...specially if your the one carrying it!!!

The main reason ppl fail when they try to lose weight is because they try to lose it as quick as possible....slow and steady is a much more sensible approach...

Fad diets and such(quick results) usually end up with putting the weight back on plus extra...i know this from personal experience

My effort consists of a total lifestyle change...

[mike10942]

A long time ago, when my wife and I first met, before our son was even a thought, wayyyy before he grew up and went to college and moved out, and wayyyyyyyyy before I retired... well, we were at "x" pounds and in loving lust. Today we are at "x+" pounds and STILL in loving lust.

We keep active and try to eat properly (only 1 bottle of wine with a good pasta dinner, LOL). But ya know, those extra few pounds creep up anyway. And ya know what else? Our hormones still get fired up!

Just the other day we were out doing yard work and I looked over at her and thought, "Damn, am I one lucky guy!" NOT, repeat, NOT, something about wishing she would lose a few pounds.

Happy Trails!

[axe31]

i have been going to fitness center for about
two months now but delibratly ignoring scales
just geting my speed and time on the ski exersiser
and treadmill and increaseing the weights on the
weight machenes no idea what weight loss but
non of my pants fit with out a belt;)

[Bear Bear]

I fell in love over the net with a friends cousin, i had never seen her before only talked to her and chated with her. We've now been going out for over a year and a half and i can say truthfully that i fell in love with her not for her looks but for her mind, she'd kill me if she read this but she is larger then some girls probably about average weight but she has a low self esteem and considers herself fat even though i'm probably more so, I would stick with her no matter what now, and i know she feels the same. So she's BBW(the big in her mind) intelligent with a great sense of humor.

[Johson]

"What do you mean ONLY? 19 kilos is a forking lot actually...specially if your the one carrying it!!!"

Perhaps I'm lucky but I've always been overweight and one year a few back decided to change that. It took me about 3 1/2 months to loose 35 pounds of fat and later put on weight in muscle. I was heavy for the majority of my life, I havent been since 3 1/2 months after deciding to loose weight. All it took was no bad food save maybe (only maybe) once a week and a distance run plus situps, pushups and weights 4-5 days a week.

[Sharni]

Well Goodie for you Johson....that type of loss may suit your lifestyle...

I cannot run, nor do situps or pushups, aerobics etc...and i have to be very careful doing weights...i imagine you do not have a back problem which limits your choice of exercise????

I also rarely eat "bad foods" as you call them......except as an occassional treat.

I admit i maybe just over-reacting to your comment....but it seemed a bit of a backhanded compliment to me ~"Congrats on losing the weight but dont ya think ya could or should do it faster:rolleyes: "

I'm not losing this weight for you or for anyone else....i'm proud of the amount of lost so far....and i dont care if it takes me years to lose the rest

[Johson]

"I cannot run, nor do situps or pushups, aerobics etc...and i have to be very careful doing weights...i imagine you do not have a back problem which limits your choice of exercise????"

Chronic back problems no. Knee problems yes. I smoke pot and take pain killers and pain goes bye-bye which allows me to run about 6 miles. My knee was severly injrued when I was 12. I was basically told to stop playing sports for 2 years.

"I also rarely eat "bad foods" as you call them......except as an occassional treat"

No problem.

"I admit i maybe just over-reacting to your comment....but it seemed a bit of a backhanded compliment to me ~"Congrats on losing the weight but dont ya think ya could or should do it faster"

It often surprises me when people say they lost 10 pounds in 3 months or anything like that because running and eating healthy have always seemed to do it for myself and those around me. Walking distances is also pretyt good and swimming is amazing.

[Sharni]

because running and eating healthy have always seemed to do it for myself and those around me.
Thats the thing isn't it....that is what worked for YOU and the ppl you know

I am not you or them!...i'm a totally different human being with different circumstances...

If you feel the need to take drugs to exercise that is your choice....

But i like to listen to my body...if it hurts stop...i have enough problems without making them worse through pain masking...such practices i believe eventually require more and more drugs to combat the pain.
Walking distances is also pretyt good and swimming is amazing
I never said i didn't exercise at all.....walking is the main type of exercise for me
I do not swim due to there being only swimming pools where i live.....i much prefer the ocean

[axe31]

water arobics is very good if you have any back and leg
injurys used buy hospitals origanly
ps. dont forget the best work out ever is sex :D ;)

[Sharni]

ps. dont forget the best work out ever is sex
*LOL*

[me_carl]

Gee, Hot topic here!
I consider my self fortunate, although I wish I was actually a little bit heavier. I am 5'7 and 140 lbs with my clothes on. I wear the same size now as I have since 16 yrs old. I eat anything that looks good at the moment. My wife on the other hand, says that she can gain weight just by looking at food. She refuses to tell me how much she weighs now, but she is 3X large in most of her clothes. She is only 5'. So anyway she considers her physical discription to be simply "short and Fat". She was about a size 14 when we were dating and even then her size bothered her. Now it just simply depresses her. She is constantly bitching about the fact that she is fat. I have never once complained about her weight, she does enough of that for both of us, yet she does very little about it. We may very well end up in a divorce due to her irratability more so than her actual weight. I would be happy with her staying the size that she is or a bit less for good health reasons (her doctors advice), if she would simply stop letting it upset her to the point that it is misserable to be around her.

[jennaflower]

Carl...

What a great post.. I think that you addressed a very important issue in all of this..

When someone is miserable about themselves (whether that be a weight related issue or some other self esteem defecit) it is sometimes almost impossible to get them to understand that you love them. It is frustrating to live that way... I am sorry that your wife has pushed you away.. and the others that love her as well. I do understand tho.. it isn't right.. or healthy for her to do so.. but it is logical.

When someone has such a poor self image that they don't love themselves.. it becomes hard not only to identify if someone loves them.. but even harder for them to understand why that is the case.

I hope that things work out.. I know it is frustrating.. and very painful to sit back and watch the one you love self distruct.. help her love herself... that is all you can attempt to do.

For those who wondered.. I have lost about 20 lbs so far.. tho I don't really see it within myself yet.. and I have a long way to go until I reach my goal. It is indeed a lifestyle change.. and then some for me. I am going to the gym regularly and am also on some meds to assist me in this.. not to mention a big change in my diet :)

[Johson]

"But i like to listen to my body...if it hurts stop...i have enough problems without making them worse through pain masking...such practices i believe eventually require more and more drugs to combat the pain"

That's true. It is rather stupid to play through the pain. However, it's been my motto since I was a little kid and it was necessary to compete at high levels of sports through high school. If you want to be a good athlete, there simply is no alternative. Concussions, muscle problems, spasms, fatigue, and anything else you just keep playing. Players on my team would go to a doctor and take off about 30% of however long he said we should wait before playing again. If he told is it would be 1 month, we'd come back in 2 and a half weeks. That was only in hockey though. My football teammates and basketball teammates we're much more into sticking to the doctors orders.


"I never said i didn't exercise at all.....walking is the main type of exercise for me
I do not swim due to there being only swimming pools where i live.....i much prefer the ocean"

Walkign is good. Swimming and running are better, but walking is quite good.


"not to mention a big change in my diet"

Interestingly enough when I was around 15 (14? 16? Who knows) I gave up Coke completely and lost something like 5 pounds in two weeks. That stuff was killer.

[Sharni]

I gave up Coke
I don't drink full Coca Cola...never have.....i drink all diet drinks(mainly Diet Coke) and these are acceptable on my weight loss program

[skipthisone]

Sharni - Johson, before you two talk each other into oblivion lets just rest this cause there is a simple fact...Sharni you are just gorgeous so enough said...you can only look better and better cause right now you are fabulous and I dont care what you eat or drink...

[vampeyes]

To all who is trying to lose.... everyone loses at thier own pace.. never give up hope!!!! My sister has lost over 140 pounds and is still going.. she started in a womens size 32+ and is now at a size 16 or so .. she has basically lost a whole person. She was never happy being big and was short on top of it so she is feeling much beter about herself. I however am quite happy with my BBW self!!! In fact I just went and bought a sexy new spaghetti strap dress and a tank top with spaghetti straps as well :p I do go up and down about 20 pounds or so but have never made a real effort to lose a large amount of weight. I have had some partners over the years who thought I was sexy in spite of my weight and some who I was sexy because of the weight... its all in the eye of the beholder but being able to find yourself beautiful and sexy is the first step to anyone else finding you attractive!!!! P.S. Axe... I do find that in the glbt community that thin is definitely in but I keep plugging away at dispelling that notion ;)

[Sassy Rose]

Sharni, skip is right....you are gorgeous and I applaud you for your lifestyle change. That is what it has taken me as well. No, it's not a fast weight loss but that is what works for us. Before my son was born I lost 60 pounds in about 14 months and felt fantastic. I wasn't as "small" as I would have liked to have been but I was damn proud of myself and I was keeping it off. Then of course during the pregnancy I gained a good portion of that back, but that is normal during pregnancy and I didn't belittle myself for doing so. I am now back to working that weight away...and I will get there one day, but for now, I'm happy! I will never let my size hold me hostage again...live is for living :)

*Hugs*