Why are so many women intimidated by male sexuality?

[Fondle You]

Please note that this is NOT a criticism of any of the fine ladies that post here. So don't take offence. ;) However, I'm just befuddled by what appears to be a tendency on the part of many women to diss men. I'm not necessary writing from my own experience, which is very little. It's only when I go to the web that I find a whole new world opened to me. Where are these open-minded sexual females that I keep reading about on the net? The rest of the female population would rather complain and bitch about how men make silly demands on them, how men are too interested in sex, etc., etc.. And heaven forbid I even bring up the subject of FMF. They act like that's a worse crime than flying Jumbo jets into buildings. :rolleyes: :mad:

I live on the East Coast. You would think that it shouldn't be hard to find dates. But most of the people are just so cold and inconsiderate of others and that is reflective on their "dating habits" as well. :(

I keeping reading nice and lovely comment from women about how they like to see naked men, dicks, watching them masturbate, going down on them, etc.. While I enjoy reading those comments I just have to wonder why there aren't enough of them out there in the real world. Are so many women intimidated by male sexuality and the thought of having sex with a man??? Why are so many of them keep having issues about that? I'm not talking about lezbos, mind you. ;) No, I'm referring to so-called hetero women who, I think, get more excited talking about shopping, getting thier hair done and money than intimacy and sex.

Somebody PLEASE help me out. What's going on?

[jennaflower]

Just my two cents here...

I don't think that those of us women here are a rare commodity.. I believe that the only thing that makes us a bit different is our willingness to be open about our sexuality and our desires. And even some of the women here, live double lives of sorts. They are able to come here and allow their deepest most sacred emotions reveal themselves without fear of rejection or ridicule, but in their daily life no one who knows them would ever guess that they come here....

As a society.. unfortunately... the same stigmas exist for women as they have for years. Yes, there was a sexual revolution that helped to advance the acceptance of female sexuality but we are still not there... Even today the way a mans sexual needs are addressed is completely different than that of a woman. If a man sleeps with several different ladies... then he is still a stud.... a man's man... if however a woman sleeps with several men.. she is still often ridiculed and judged and referred to as a slut. Because of this, I believe women in general often keep their sexual desires well hidden.

[Fondle You]

OK. I've always keep hearing and reading about how women are still being held back, etc, etc.. However, what keeps them from even appreciating a good guy? Are they afraid that guys would reject them if they show some kind appreciation for what they do for them? I have a friend who I would call a good guy. He's the type women always fantasize about: a good listener, always remembering important dates, being considerate of her feeling, his bedroom abilities(at least what he tells me). What has he won for all that? One bad breakup after another. :mad:

There are a lot of bitches who take us guys for granted and I'm pissed off about that! I'm starting to wonder whether there's a double standard for us guys and also starting to think there has to be a good reason why many men seemingly have a flippant attitude about dating. If they know that there's a good chance they'd be unappreciated in the end then they'd not work so hard to please the ladies.

Each side is distrusting of the other. I have no idea what I could do to change that.

[jennaflower]

yep.. you are right.. I agree that there are many women out there that for whatever reason decide to treat their male counterparts like trash... but lets not forget that the same can be said for many of the men out there.

The saying "A few bad apples ruin the bunch" is sadly appropriate. Not all guys are "womanizing createns" nor are all women "male bashing bitches" either.

It is very frustrating from both sides of the fence. I can't find a nice guy to save my life... those that I seem to run across are usually hung up on some "beautiful bitch" that treats him like shit. So.. I understand the frustration... it works both ways.

[Fondle You]

Yep. I think that many of those guys you talk about bring the rest of us down. As long as there are idiots like them who keeps persuing ungrateful women, the likelihood for us regular guys for getting good pussy and seeing that smile on a lady's face in the morning and a good morning cheer gets smaller and smaller. We get so cynical and then if one of us ever meet a good lady he ruins it for himself because he's still hung-up on that last breakup. It's a vicious cycle.

[Sharni]

All i can add to this is...Don't Give Up!!

There are still good men and women out there....but you have to be open to finding them....if you get cynical you are not really doing yourself any favours at all :)

Just my 5c worth

[Grumble]

There have been several threads here about similar concerns.
I was never a 'chick magnet' LOL and have always treated women with decency and respect. Alone in private with a woman I believe that I am at least an acceptable lover but finding the woman has always been difficult.

I think we do hide too much of our real selves and thast is because we feel open to misinterpretation or unscrupulous people.

The ladies here at Pixies are my type of women and the guys are exceptional too. I would go to a party with people here and be myself like I never could be with people who I have not shared my most intimate thoughts and pics.

The people are out there but the difficulty is in locating them and penetrating the defensive veneer we all have.

[Oldfart]

Women are not the heartless creatures (generally) you portray.

As said above, community looks at a woman's sexual lifestyle

differently to a man's.

With a very few, but notable, exceptions, I have rarely had problems

meeting women with whom it is, at the very least, worth exploring

our options.

You have to be in the firing line to risk the emotional encounter,

they won't come chasing you.

If you take anger into the encounter, you'll poison it before you have

a chance to see if there is a chance of relationship.

If you just want a root, keep searching.

[Irish]

Fondle You---It sounds to me;like you have some serious;self confidence problems.Having been in the "biker"motorcycle lifestyle;for most of my life;I have found;just the opposite;to be true.Also having;two daughters;has forced me to; look at things;
from both sides;sexually.From what I have seen;there are;alot;
more men that bash women;then vice-versa.You are at pixies,now
Most of the steriotypes;can be forgotten about.No one gets bashed here.People respect; each other;more than that.They may
disagree with each other;but that will be said;and thats as far as
it goes. Irish
P.S.My $.02.

[Harley Q]

Allow me to assure you that your point is rather valid, FY. I am one of the girls that you seek, and I don't say this to be immodest. I enjoy all of the aspects of human sexuality that girls aren't supposed to. I'm not intimidated by male sexuality, and I even treat my own in a more masculine fashion. (I am straight, just for the record.) And guys have told me so. I remember a guy friend of mine telling me how lucky my boyfriend was. "If all women thought like you," he said "there'd be no divorce."
I took that to heart, and I'm always trying to encourage girls to be more like me.
There are girls out there for you, and they're looking for a nice guy. I am working night and day on it, lemme assure you.

[lixnlix69]

May I just say.....right off the bat.......that another comparison other than "flying a Jumbo jet into buildings" would have gotten my attention just as well!!!!! The reference is hardly comparible!!!!

Nuff said bout that!

As to your question/s.....When you meet a woman that is interested....you'll know! I promise you will. She will giggle at your every attempt at a (bad) joke and she will love you unconditionally.

Otherwise.......Change your opening "line". Sounds harsh, huh? Well......sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you are so very, very jaded from what you post!

May I ask your age? It is a valid question! I am of the school that younger people have all of a sudden become so jaded with life in general.....(ie: relationships, careers, society, etc). Life IS a LONG, LONG process. We reap what we sow. What goes around, comes around, live and learn and DON'T generalize......you can never categorize a group of people (ie: all women) as so many of us may pleasantly surprise you! You can't get the entire answer in one woman.......but you can get a lifetime of love and security and sex (well..the sex may wane in time..but all the rest...YES!).....if you have the right attitude! Pardon me for saying so, but you may be coming to this at the wrong angle. You seem to have the answers before the girl is there to answer them!

Just a thought!

P.S. I will not appologize for the womans struggle in life to attain a stature that at least replicates...(albeit not the monetary value) a mans place on this planet. We've come a long way baby........and you can't argue with that!

Mrs. Lix

[A.K.'s Sex-Pot]

I don't think it is a case of women being intimidated by a man's sexuality. My last relationship was very much lacking in the sexual department, and i will readily admitt that that was mainly my fault. My problem was, that my guy was a 'good guy' in everyway and had relatively old fashioned values. In four years together, he never stopped opening my side of the car door for me, bringing me flowers etc etc.

However, i felt that if i'd been my true, wild lustful self he would have lost respect for me. He kind of had me on a pedestal, and i just never felt that he would have been able to accept my sexuality as part of that package. I also didn't feel i could trust him not to tell all our mutual friends, his parents and God knows who else, about what we got up to in bed, because he was just too open and honest himself.

Crazy as it seems, if a guy comes on too strong with the 'i'm a nice guy' routine, some women will automatically revert to the 'i'm a nice girl' routine and unfortunately, that stereotype does not make room for sex.

That has been my experience and i feel it is a valid point. Men STILL have the notion that there are the kind of girls you fuck and the kind of girls you marry, and in truth, most women can be both things, if you give them space to be themselves and show them that they will not be judged by their sexuality alone.


Ok, someone take the soap box away from me!!!!!!!!

[jjjjbo]

Just want to add some of my thoughts -- this world we live in is not always safe .... a woman even in the best circumstances has to at least be aware that there are men who are stronger physically then she is and could take advantage of that fact. I'm not saying that we continue to think that about guys we've come to know and care for, but in my life at least I open to others gradually ..... If you're thinking that chatting with a woman for a few minutes means you can then immediately move to the next level in a "relationship" - then you may need to slow down the process a bit ....

When I come on the internet and am dealing with my own sexuality -- it's not necessarily about building a relationship - it's about filling an immediate need ... those (at least for me) are 2 entirely different issues and I approach each of them with different prespectives. So yes, I can appreciate the pictures of men and the descriptions of what each person likes, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'd appreciate the same thing being said to me on one of my early dates with a guy I was dating and wanting to build a relationship with. ..... I don't think that's a double standard, it's different requirements for different objectives.

[andrew]

Grumbleguts

I would come to your party. You are right this grouyp is very accepting honest and compassionate.

Andrew

[Fondle You]

Thanks for your responses, especially Harley Q. Harley, you are one of a kind. It's so hard to meet people. I'd grant you that. But what makes it so much more difficult is the attitude of many women of my generation about dating guys like me. Btw, I'm 31 y/o...guess that's still young-ish though not quite. I tend to think a lot of us don't have a place in their lives and they'd rather push us aside. Generalizing? Who knows? But I do know that there must be some women who do agree with me on this. It must be very difficult for them to speak out about this(as well as many guys in my situation). First, they may get smacked down by other women, being called "naive", "silly", "jaded" or worse. I mean, are we that bad? That dangerous? Is our built or the way we do things or the way we think that threatening?! Am I so dangerous because I was born a certain way? There are some days where I wonder if it's even worth approaching someone. It's not about being afraid of rejection but about realizing that many women of my generation assume the worst of me...and that sucks. :mad:

[Wicked Wanda]

"lezbos"?
As a "part time" lezbo, I can tell you that some reasons there are women who have problem with male sexuality.
Please read to the end before you get angry.
1. Yes, I have fucked/ had oral sex with other men before I met you, maybe A LOT more. If you are going to get upset if I tell you how many, DON'T ASK ME.
2.Yes, I have sex with other women, and no you can't watch/join in/ask me to tell you all the explicit details on our first (maybe only) date.
3. Referring to #2, we DO NOT take turns being the "man"
4. I haven't been a virgin for a long time so don't ask.
5. Yes, I have done this before, likely more times than you.
6. I am sure you believe you are a great lover, and you may be, but I NEVER tell men how good/bad they are, so don't ask. I will only say that I enjoyed it/you. It can be DANGEROUS for a woman to tell a man anything other than he is good/great/fantastic. Some men DO NOT handle anything less than this well, and women are beaten or even murdered all the time for making this mistake.
7. If your brains are not in your pants, then ACT LIKE IT! Don't let your little head think for you. Sometime we find it cute, but mostly not. The women you dislike are the ones that take advantage of this, for control. A man who won't fall for this is more attractive to the women you are looking for, I think.
8. Being drunk DOESN'T MAKE you SMARTER, SEXIER, OR MORE ATTRACTIVE!
9. When I am standing on a balcony on Bourbon Street during Carnival (Mardi Gras), and am about to lift my blouse to expose my bare breasts to several thousand people, being called "bitch" by several hundred drunken males in unison is not very fun/sexy/exciting.
The fact that the thousand other males there tolerate this without lifting a hand or saying a word to stop it isn't fun either.
There is more, but I think I have made my point.
Now the other side.
Hon, you sound like a prince.
I mean this!
Please don't change to be more like those "other men" that you think we are attracted to.
Most of us have to kiss a lot of frogs beore we find our prince.
(or princess)
Please consider two things.
First, if you try to meet nice women, a lot of them, and don't expect to go to bed with them the first date, you will likely find the person you want. A lot of "nice" girls are hellions underneath. By the way, bars may not be the place to find the love of your life.

And last, yes I know, WOMEN ARE JUST AS BAD AS MEN!!!


Wickedly,

WW

[Lilith]

<~~~~~~stands applauding

[Irish]

As a recovering alcoholic;I can attest to the fact;that #8;is true!
I didn'tsay that I want to admit it;just that I can attest to it. Irish

[Midnight Kiss]

First I would like to say hello and welcome to pixies.

I have never been intimidated by male sexuality. I myself am 30. I was raised to be a good girl and not that sex was bad, it was just something that was never ever talked about. So, I started out in most relationships doing what was expected of a female and denying myself of satisfying my needs, wants and desires.
Because to even suggest that I had a sexual appetite was frowned upon. I am now with someone, who I think will be here till the end, who has been very supportive of me coming out of my shell so to speak. There are times when I suggest things or tell him I want to try something different that he just shakes his head at me or raises an eyebrow but he usually tries to indulge me. But on the flip side of this, this is all new to him as well, because females in his past have not been very open sexualy with him as well. So, was never allowed to do things that I am now saying I would like to do. I think alot of it has to do with how you relate to the other person. I was married for over 5 years and we had lived together for a year before that, and I have tried and done more sexually wonderful things with the s/o now of only 3 years than I ever thought was possible. We have done things that would have gotten me hurt for even thinking of them to myself in my 1st marriage.
So, all I can say is make that special person feel exactly that, special. The more I can trust someone the more likely you are going to get what you want from me and the more likely I am going to let you know what I really need and want myself.
Just keep looking and open up, and change the attitude a little bit. I am a school teacher and mother, but in the bedroom (or anywhere else for that matter) I try my best to make all the fantasies come true, for him and me.

[Sugarsprinkles]

Originally posted by Wicked Wanda
" By the way, bars may not be the place to find the love of your life.
WW

Agreed, but don't rule them out completely either.
I met my husband in a bar and we've been married 30 yrs. With the exception of his current sexual difficulties, it's been a very good and very happy marriage. And yes, I know we are the exception to the rule.;)

[jennaflower]

Fondle you... You have re-enforced one thing for me.. that the number one problem is communication.. not just verbal... but physical as well.

I am 31... and single.. have been for a long ass time.. and believe it or not... the issues you present are not all one sided. Dating is difficult... finding the "right" partner is hell... and finding the ultimate life long partner seems to be proving damn near impossible. I think that for the most part... those of us over 25 and still single tend to be a little more cynical than those who are "attached"

I don't suggest you give up... that is an individual choice.... and one I don't recommend.

[AbstractMoofies]

Everyone is screwed up. One thing I despise is men who will only sleep with *virgins*- WW's story of the hundreds of men yelling *Bitch* really.. thats not cool. Men want little, naive girls, for some reason. I think, mostly, they're afraid of being *not good* or *not enough* for their partner. Also, there is the *whore factor*, which comes into it, on one hand, it stems from what I just mentioned, with men frowning upon womens sexuality and reinforcing the message they get from childhood. Little girls are certainly not encouraged to be sexual. I think this comes from a time when a womans *Purity* was a saleable object.

Personally, I don't care, and to offer some advice to FY- the internet is a great place to meet people. You actually get to know them. And there's no physical reality holding people back, ie, you say more because the fear of loss isn't as great.

[Irish]

One of the first things;that keeps;getting my attention;here;is the
# of people that talk about "getting taken advantage of."My wife
& I;have always agreed that;to be taken advantage of;you have
to let someone take advantage of you!Many people;are also;steriotyped.I hate steriotypes!Example:An alcoholic;is always
someone;with their bottle;in a brown paper bag;hangs out in the
park, wears a trenchcoat;and beats their wife and kids.They also;
can't hold a job!Etc. Irish
P.S.Spoken as a recovering alcoholic!I have;also;been married for
38 yrs and have two unabused children.

[Fondle You]

Thanks for all your comments. I think I'm more together now. :)

And a little feel on the backsides of the ladies who were most kind to me. :D

[ASH]

I read through this thread and i found it very interesting,
and i think the question asked by fondle is very easily reversible : why are men so intimidated by female sexuality? i know this was hit on by a few of you, however, i don't believe the point really came across. I have had many guys who have told me that they feel intimidated by me. How am I suppose to react to this? I don't intend to change in my ways, being open with your sexuality is important. and don't get me wrong, i don't walk around flaunting sex. i just believe that until men can feel comfortable around a sexually experienced woman, women will not be comfortable with a man's sexuality. it doesn't help to have men like you telling us how we should be, and men on the opposite side telling us how we should be. this is something a woman should decide for herself, and when that decision is made, no matter what it is, it should be accepted and respected. all right, i'm done ranting now.

[Pantalone]

ASH,

I believe the reason you find men who are intimidated by you is because when a beautiful woman such as yourself is obviously confident in her sexuality, guys who are somewhat lacking in self confidence (in life and/or sex) feel more confident that they can get SOMEWHERE with her because there are fewer barriers to break through. Also, this lack of self-confidence lends one's personality to desiring domination... a role you can obviously fulfill. This personality is the type that would basically let you live his life for him, and would do whatever you want... and may even mistake this desire for "guidance" as a devotional love that would do anything for you. Ladies, this may be why the nice guy you are interested in seems to be caught up with some overbearing pain in the ass who treats him like shit. Forgive me for being Freudian, but it may be what he needs... what he's used to... (forgive me) what he grew up with.
The problem arrives when the stronger female personality does not wish to be a controlling bitch. In this case, a strong wonderful spirit such as yours needs another strong spirit with which it can bond, the two feeding off each other and strengthening each other. A relationship with a weaker persona will most undoubtedly be based on sex. Not that that's always a bad thing, but it can lead to a very premature "clinginess" when a guy feels he accomplished something with you and likes the feeling, and then (unfortunately) a complete reversal of attitude when he feels like you are blowing him off because you don't NEED him the way he needs you.
Anyway, I go now to burn my soapbox. Sorry all... I thought maybe something could apply to what several people are wondering.

-PS Nice pic, ASH :)

[BlueSwede]

It'd be hard to improve on the comments already posted. I have just a mundane comment or 2. It can be very difficult to meet women after you're past college age. Often we have a chance to meet only or primarily peers of the same sex in our line of work. As a nurse who works third shift at a hospital, I have had a heck of a time meeting anybody. The vast majority of my peers are females, and who is up and available to socialize late at night on the nights I am off or during the day when I am at home? Also, many of the great women out there aren't extroverts, so we tend to stay at home or go to places for more solitary activities, such as reading at Barnes & Noble over a cup of coffee for a couple of hours, walks or jogs in the park, or out for dinner or coffee with one or two friends. Then you through in women your age and older who are divorced single parents...when do THEY have time to go out and pursue a nice guy...heck, ANY guy? Just wanted to point those things out to let you know that you probably just aren't seeing many of us out there for some of these reasons. Believe me, we ARE here (smile)!

[Fondle You]

Thanks for your comment, BlueSwede. I'll try to keep what you said in mind.

[Vintage Vixen]

WELL I DON'T THINK WOMEN ARE INTIMIDATED BY SO CALLED MALE SEXUALITY.I THINK ITS HOW THE WHOLE ISSUE IS BEING PRESENTED TO THE PROSPECTED FEMALE.
IF YOU COME OFF AS COCKY BY SAYING OHHHH BABY I CAN MAKE YOU CUM UNTIL YOU BEGGED ME TO STOP....THAT HAS LITTLE IF ANYTHING TO DO WITH SEXUALITY,,THAT HAS TO DO WITH ARROGANCE....IF YOU ARE TRYING TO IMPRESS BE YOURSELF THATS NOT ONLY SEXUAL BUT SENSUAL. THERE ARE FEMALES WHO DO THE SAME THING SO IT DOSEN'T DISCRIMINATE.

[dzbuster]

you live on the east coast? are you sure? i've lived here my whole life and find it easy to talk and joke with people i meet around from in line at the grocery store to the car next to me in traffic. as far as women being intimitaded i used to get hooted and hollared never mind grabbed in the bars (damn sobriety). this reminds me of the old joke about how only those not getting laid spend hours talking about the diseases one can get if precautions aren't followed. along the same line if three people tell you you're an ass look honestly in the mirror

[Pussy Willow]

Are you ready for my two cent's worth.......................................

I think men , in general, need to respect women's sexuality.
Here a Pixies this is not a problem, but in the "real" world.......

You could be a little more sensitive. Most women who are dating,
I'm friendly with quite a few, tell me it's hard to find a man who
takes them seriously, and is not just looking for sex. If you are
a man who truly respects women's sexuality then you have to give them a chance to see that.

They are not have having sex with men, not because they are
intimidated by male sexuality, ( if they were, would they really be
in the dating scene?) but because they are getting the impression
they their sexuality isn't being valued and respected. They are
not getting the impression that their "personhood" is being valued and respected.

If you want woman a to have a sexual realationship with you then
you have to be sensitive to her feelings, and respect what she
has to say, and treat her like a person.

I get the impression from your post that you think women are
intimidated by male sexuality because they won't have sex with
you. Most women want intimacy. Maybe they want the intimacy
before they move on to sex. There is a difference in the two you know !!!!!!

I also think that many women are just tired of putting themselves
out there and being disrespected. If women "diss" men, maybe
it's because women have been "dissed" by men and have felt
helpless to do anything about it, and they don't anymore !

Hope this doesn't sound too harsh........................

I also agree with lixnlix69 that your comment about the jumbo jets flying into buildings is very inappropriate.

[Vintage Vixen]

throwing my handsin the air!!!!

[Pussy Willow]

Amother problem is that many men are kind ,sensitive and caring
at the outset of a realationship, but as soon as they have sex
with a woman, the realationship changes.

Also most women are a little wary that "niceguys" are just acting
that way to get them into the bedroom.

How long have you dated a woman before deciding she was
"intimidated by your sexuality". You have to give them the time to realize that you are sincere, that may take a while.

You also give youself a chance to find out if the one your with
is really what she says she is.

It's really unfortunate that we have to play these games, that we
just can't depend on people being nice, but yourselves the chance
to get to know each other a little bit, BEFORE having sex, may
save both of you major hang-ups later on !!!!!!!!

[sixsense]

love before sex (for me at least). Since I am not focused on sexual contact during meeetings or dates with women. I believe this allows me to find out better who they are. Sex is not the end all of a relationship contrary to popular belief.

Of course then maybe Im a hypocrite because I sometimes fantasize about those women after the fact.

[Fondle You]

Originally posted by Pussy Willow
Amother problem is that many men are kind ,sensitive and caring
at the outset of a realationship, but as soon as they have sex
with a woman, the realationship changes.

Also most women are a little wary that "niceguys" are just acting
that way to get them into the bedroom.




This is the gist of what's been bothering me about women today. If the guy forgets an important date, if he doesn't say 'Hello' back one day, if he shows a foul mood one day because he's feeling stressed out and things are not going well at the moment, the woman starts believing she's being "snookered" and "tricked". Just because he's not the perfect Mr. Charming she thought he was when she first met him, when he worked doubly hard to win her affection, she now thinks he has just revealed himself as scum. Well, that's why they call it "work"...people in their natural state want to just let things go at their own speed. Tell me, when was the last time you felt too lazy to do something? If you felt that something could wait for another day but get yelled at by someone you know for it, how would YOU feel?

THIS IS THE BLACK-AND-WHITE ATTITUDE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO POINT OUT!!

Newsflash: People are not perfect!!!!! Granted, some are less perfect than others. However, it can be said that we have our good days and our bad days. I am sensitive of that. It's just that I'm sick of the double-standard that says that guys like me have to do everything in our power to keep a relationship going but if I ask the woman to do a little more for me I'm being labelled as "overbearing". What a crock!!


You want to complain about how guys just want the sex? I believe there are women who couldn't care less if they have sex with men or not, except as a means of luring the guy into a relationship and then just give all the excuses in the world to just stop but enjoy the other 'benefits' of said relationship. There are more of you like that than you would EVER admit to. :mad: :rolleyes:


To many women, an erect penis is VERY intimidating!!! How else to explain the double-standards and the excuse-making they like to employ.