Deep personal thoughts...

[jennaflower]

Today has been a rather emotional day for me...

As some of you may know from my limited time and posts here, I am a single mom. Today, my little one went on his yearly visitation with his Dad. My ex-husband and I had a very unhappy marriage... which ultimately resulted in his affair and our divorce. I don't blame him for the affair.. I was not the same person sexually I am today... I have grown... and had it not been for our divorce I may not have... so I have no regrets. Today however, my son leaving and all... I was forced to see my ex again (once a year is enough) and altho I don't find him remotely stimulating... it made me sad. So anyway... my son is now East Coast bound and will hopefully have a wonderful time with his father and his new family.

So... now with my son gone... I am sitting here alone. It is 1:30 am here and I have yet to go to bed... it is Saturday nite... one of the 3 Saturday nites a year that I have no child to keep me home... and I am HOME. I can't help but ask myself what is wrong with this picture?

After watching some tv this evening (Thanks to Robin Williams and his HBO special that was on I got a few good laughs) I decided to come online and do a bit of adult searching :) Of course, one of the first places I come to is loaded with my favorite things... stories... so I read a few...

No big surprise, I became very arroused... stories do that to me.. As I read, I leaned back in my chair... and I began touching myself... softly at first... still amazed at the texture of my now warming pussy... gently rubbing my clit... being careful not to apply too much pressure... over all enjoying the sensation. Of course, between the story and my actions... it doesn't take me long... and I achieve a blissful orgasm..

So... one would think... all in all... a pleasant night... right?

Nope... because as soon as that blissful orgasm subsides my mind is quick to remind me that alas... I am alone... no man to hold me.... no man to bring pleasure to... no man to share any of this with.... the ending result... tears.....

My ex and I seperated Summer of 96.... and with the exception of one relationship I have been alone all of this time... I miss having a man in my life for more than just the moment of penetration... for that can be done with a battery operated gadget... it is the other things I miss as well... the talking... the sharing... the silent looks.. and even the heated arguments... (not to mention the occasional car repair). I miss so many things... and I can't help but ask myself what is so wrong with me that I am alone.

Sorry for bantering here... guess I just needed to get some of these thoughts out of my head before I attempt sleep...

[mack606]

all you ned to do is go out and find some one to share that with, thats the only thing i can see "wrong" with you...maybe you should start dating again...get a sitter and go out for the night every now and then

[Grumble]

the only thing holding you back is you. I know that you would be a great boon to a lonely mans life. Try making some time for you and get out that door and mix. Go out with friends, join a child minding circle, being home is not the way to go Hun.

Best of luck, I am in somewhat of the same position except I have someone I am waiting for and am going to see in the new year.

[Lilith]

jennaflower~ ((((hugs)))).....it seems as if you are finally to the place in your life where you are ready to move on and try again...that is a positive step!!!!! Now when you do go out you will be giving off those vibes that tell people you are open and ready to explore! Good things are coming your way...Madame Lilith told me:D:D:p

[jennaflower]

Thanks :) I know that part of the problem is infact me... that up until now I haven't made much of an effort to make those connections... and yes Lilith.. I believe you are correct.. for the first time in a long time I am "ready" to try again... I do plan on going out while my son is out of town... and hope to continue that some after he has returned..

Thanks for the kind encouragement...

I can only hope that Madame Lilith is correct :) :)

[Steph]

Madame Lilith only speaks the truth, jennaflower! I hope it works out for you. Looking back on times when I felt lonely, I ended up learning a lot about myself, too. To use a cliche, there is a silver lining to every cloud.

[Murphy]

Jennaflower, dear.

Sugarsprinkles (Yes, she and her DH Made it, and are visiting for a week.) and I just read your posts. We know your lonliness, as we have each been in similar positions for a long, long time. If you want some friendly shoulders to cry on, just PM me and we can meet and share coffee, snacks, and sympathy. As the others have said, get out there and Happy Hunting!

[skipthisone]

Go out and find yee jennaflower...I think that a woman of your obvious mental and emotional prowess should have no problem at all finding yourself a wonderful life long (or night long if you so desire) companion. It sounds like youve done everything right by your child maybe its time for a little right by yourself time.

[lixnlix69]

jennaflower.......Advice is easily given but hard to take at times. I know from experience the mind set you have been in. I think Madame Lilith is right in that you seem to have come full circle. It seems your time is coming and you can see it but you are reluctant to seize it. Most women in your position are as unselfish as you and seem to think that treating themselves to a "good life" at this time in their childs life would be a selfish move and make them seem unfit, somehow. Nothing could be further from the truth. I see it this way........If you have a wonderful time in your life, you can have nothing but good vibes and happy times to pass along to your child. If you sit and deprive yourself of a happier time it will eventually rub off on the little one as they are more aware than we give them credit, and pick up on our emotions with actions of their own. I am not saying this as a scare tactic but I think you can agree that a child lives what he/she learns at home. How can anything you do to better your mental state and self esteem hurt the well being of your son? Just a little advice and something to think about for "my sister from a different mister"! Go on.....be happy.......you deserve it.....I promise you do!

*hugs*
Mrs. Lix

[GermanSteve]

Dear Jennaflower, I think I understand how you are feeling.
Somehow I am in a similar situation; but I am not missing a partner ( I have burnt my fingers with my wife, this will keep me off the women for a while ). Mainly I am missing my little daughter that I haven´t seen and haven´t heard for more than one year now.
I am sending my **specially dedicated hugs** to you.

[jennaflower]

Thank you GermanSteve.... I am sorry for what you must be enduring... I can't begin to imagine... fortunately my son is only gone for 3 weeks... I can't imagine my life without him for any period longer.

(((Hugs)))

[Murphy]

My little girl is the main reason I gave up 12hr days 7 days a week installing theater seats and gymnasuim bleachers. On the road up to months at a time... I really missed my family at those times. Take heart dear Jenna, there's a shoulder or two here for you!

[amale]

i read the story of jeniffer, i am so sorry, it all depends on our mind. Make up your mind before it is too late, today is never late. dont hurry but make a right choise for your self, so you dont blame any one, but your self.
take care
your good friend
raji

[pje]

Jenna i been to Ozarks plenty of times and there are many places you can go to to find someone special.You wont find that person by sitting on the couch though so turn the tv off,take a shower,throw on something sexy and just go out to have fun.Its not like you have anything to lose only something to gain.Remember,most people that go places are there to have fun as well.

[Clint]

Hey jennaflower. I know that I'm only a stupid teenager without very much insight into the world around me, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you ever need somebody to talk to. :D

*Clint