Sexual Flop

[Coach Knight]

Just wondering what stories you all had of a bad, awkward or a "just didn't happen" sexual experience? It's kind of a mood, or buzz kill.

My S/O and I call these "flops."

It's when your going at it hot and heavy and the phone rings but you don't answer it but you hear someone on the answering machine and you have to get it and ... flop.

Or when your banging away and suddenly the bed breaks and boards slam onto the floor. We started laughing so hard and immediately heard our neighbor knock on the door and ask if we were allright ... flop.

It just ends the moment and there is probably no chance of getting back in the mood the rest of the night.

:confused:

[Lilith]

I can sum up our flops in one word......KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Nothing like a 4 year old, at your bedroom door, to put the "down" in "down boy"........ugh!!!! And it always seems to be when I am the randiest!!!!! LMAO

[Grumble]

Well this was embarrassing and funny too.

I was really into a hot session banging away when the girl let out a ripper fart. It was loud and stunk like buggery.

I broke out into hysterical laughter pulled out and down he went never to poke his head up again that session.

Talk about ruining the mood but I can smile about it now.

[skipthisone]

Ill agree with Lilith....Kids

When my wife and I had been married for 6 years she was having her first penetration oragasm in her life, well while she was having it in walks in our 5 year old and she had to jump off, shuddering the whole time, needless to say I didnt get to finish and we havnt been able to find that special position again.

[Loren]

Originally posted by Coach Knight
Or when your banging away and suddenly the bed breaks and boards slam onto the floor. We started laughing so hard and immediately heard our neighbor knock on the door and ask if we were allright ... flop.

We've had the bed break once, although not so dramatically--it was on casters and one fell off. We were laughing so hard about the situation that the sex actually got forgotten. Nobody showed up, though.

We almost had a much worse break--we discovered that a screw was missing and part of the head was supported by perhaps 1/16" of wood. Had it slipped past that point it would have started to twist and ripped out the other screw (the screws weren't to take the weight, they were just to hold it in position.)

The first proper mattress we owned started squeaking badly within a few weeks (turns out the store had supplied a 4 wheel frame for a mattress that specifically required a 6 wheel type.)

To this day we occasionally joke about breaking beds.

[RandyGal]

Ahhhh yes...we call it the fuck-flop in our household. :D

We were tooling around in the bedroom and he was INSIDE me...I had to cough and so I did.

His cock shot OUT of me with such force he screamed "OUCH!" ...the sensation of the treasure shooting OUT of me was SOOOOO ODD that we both broke out in fits of laughter that lasted most of the night.
Needless to say it CAN be difficult at best to get back into the mood when you're feeling hysterical. LOL LOL

[andrew]

Lilith

Is SOOOO Right - Kids. It seems as a parent, whenever your getting to it or pounding away they will need something eg Bad dream "can I get in your bed?", "What are you doing, I need your help to open door/turn on tv/ find my toy etc."

Definite passion killers, enemies of female orgasm and male stand-up.

But, would not change 'em for anything.

Andrew

[PammiAnn]

I have to also agree.........Kids.....gotta love them though. Only got one kid, she is 5 but she is good at interupting. Probably why we don't have anymore......lol :D

[Clint]

I don't even need to be thinking about kids at my age, but all of you are making me scared of them.

:eek: :confused: :whiteghos :redghost:

[Sugarsprinkles]

I guess we were very lucky....I don't recall any of our kids ever interrupting us.;)

The one time something like this happend to us it was Mother Nature that was to blame.
We were newlyweds...and we were enjoying it as you would expect newlyweds to do. It was raining outside...and thundering.
Well right in the middle of it all lightning hit somewhere nearby.....

C.....R.......A.......C......K!!!!!!!! B....O....O......M!!!!

A huge flash of light and the biggest boom you 've ever heard...it sounded like it was right outside the window of our basement apartment!! You've heard the expression "scared stiff"? Well, this was the exact opposite!! Scared Limp!!
We still laugh about it....:D :D :D

[Prophet Reality]

I think that mine would have to have been when I was fucking my ex really good. You know the kind where you are just pounding with all that you have and I slipped out and rammed into the wrong opening. Granted, she liked anal sex, but not like that. Not only did it kill the moment that night, but for many more to follow.

[Summer]

My husband and myself pulled the kayaks over for a few moments of "Us Time" on this long river trip we were on. Our kids and other companions were further upstream. Perfect time so we thought.
We are sitting down a bit back from the bank and started getting very heated, kissing foundling taking off some items, and up walks an alligator! Needless to say we took off quickly with clothes in hand. LMAO

that is one flop and this was the other one ....

We were in the bedroom tasting each other ((which I call the preheating activity)) and in walks my 7 year old. I was mortified thinking of what he must have been thinking ... "Why is daddy looking down there?" Needless to say we lock the door now. hehe
-Summer

[Vigil]

Backpacking with a girlfriend around the Greek islands when we were kids. Arrived afterdark at the final bus stop. Walked a short distance out of the village to find illicit camping spot under the stars with the scent of flowers on a balmy summer breeze.

I got the tent up, she got me up, and we got down to it.

As her passion rose beneath me - it was a small tent - so did a steady rumble as finally the first of hundreds of stampeding goats trampled over the tent.

Everything came down. Believe me, don't camp on the goat highway.

Now its just the kids, the work, the worry, the pressure - still leaves three nights a week.

[Irish]

When our first was real young;we were;lying in bed;one Sunday
morning;sneakily masturbating each other;under the covers.Our
daughter walked into the room and we stopped everything and
kidded with her.She grabbed;the covers;pulled them off;of us.
Pointed at my erection and made a noise like:Caught You!We
weren't fooling her a bit!It's nice that your kids know that you love each other but you don't do things in front of your kids.After
that;we were much more careful!It's funny but it sure does ruin
a mood. Irish

[rabbit]

This one's easy....was dating a girl in college named Leslie. Leslie and I are making out heavily...clothes are off and I am using the tip of my dick to stimulate her clit. She is going absolutely nuts, moaning and gyrating her pussy all over my dick. After her second or third orgasm, I decide to slip my dick inside her. She immediately pulls away in shock and jumps out of the bed! I am stunned and asked what was wrong. She just demanded that I take her home immediately. So after I get over the shock of her reacting the way she did (and not getting anything from her in that way of an explanation as to what was wrong), I stand up and start getting dressed. Then, I accidentally cut a fart...talk about going from 120mph to zero in one minute...oy! :p

Never did find out what the problem was but her friends told me she was really weird. Needless to say, I left it at that.

rabbit

[Mr. 3G]

Location: the highlands of Central Jamaica - 1972

I snuck off into the jungle with the sweetest little mulatto girl on the campus. We found a nice big rock and were doing stuff (never actually had intercourse -didn't have a rubber). First tragedy happened with her first attempted hand job. She was obviously well trained in driving standard so when I told her to move it up and down she gripped it firmly and (no clutch) rammed it into reverse from 5th. Almost tore it off the bone.

It took a while to recover. Augustus knew he was safe if he was soft so it took a long time to persuade him to awaken. So we get him hard again and with a little guidance she gets the right angle, grip and rythum. She's a tropper. I'm about to cum but there's no tissues and she wasn't (yet) into swallowing so she leans over and grabs a big 'ol leaf from beside the rock. She goes at it again and just prior to me cumming, she wraps the leaf around my dick so we won't get messed up. Right at the point I'm cumming I begin to feel HOT on my dick. It goes from HOT to BURNING scratching, screaming, tearing HOTTTT. The leaf she grabbed was something called CowsItch and is a member (ha) of the Stinging Nettles family.

I got off but talk about the kind of "afterglow" ya don't ever want to feel. I was leaping about in the dark, spitting into my hand and rubbing to get the stinging sensation to stop.... it felt like ma dick was MELTING. I dunked it in rum later and the rash went away along with about half my nerve endings.

Funny thing...we went back before dusk the next night (with tissues this time) and the rock we were on was a little out cropping. There was about a
25,000 METER friggin CLIFF at the edge. If I'd danced aound a bit more and fallen off that damn rock I wouldn't have hit the ground until earliy last WEEK!!

FLOP !!

[dicksbro]

Kids. There've been a couple of times when we were right in the middle of things and the door opens or a knock at the door with, "Mom, can you come here a minute." It is amazing how fast that can make the mood disappear.

[lixnlix69]

Ever have the in-laws drop over unannounced?

We were in the living room going at it hot and heavy on the floor and didn't even hear them pull up in the driveway. All of a sudden there was "Mom" at the screen window, cupping her hands to peer in to see why we didn't answer the door but both vehicles were in the driveway. He pulls out of me and jumps up so fast and yells "Mom!" so loud that the cat went flying up to the steps, never to be seen the rest of the evening! Talk about "flop"! Geeeeeezzzzzzzzzz................

Mrs. Lix

[Murphy]

Kids are one thing, but ever have a 20lb tomcat hop on your back for a ride and dig in his claws? eee-yowwwww!!!!

[roxanne916]

how about a mosquito attack? :(

My ex-boyfriend and i decided to umm, get back to nature, in the fallow field down by my house. it was hidden by trees, so no one could see us by the highway. I tend to attract mosquitoes in a 50 mile radius and of course, that day was no exception. I was laying on the hay <yes, a roll in the hay> and all the sudden i felt something hit my butt. I didn't think anything of it and we continued.

when i got home and jumped in the shower, i had a mess of bites on my backside, plus scratches from the hay. it hurt to sit the next few days.

word to the wise, if you decide to have sex outdoors, bring a blanket and off! :)

[skipthisone]

mmmmm, off what a turn on smell

[roxanne916]

Originally posted by skipthisone
mmmmm, off what a turn on smell

Skip,

they do now make a botanical one that does not stink as much LOL

i'd prefer the eau de OFF than the skeeter scratchies any day

[Samantha]

what about parents? i was having sex with my boyfriend while my parents were out and while were screwing, the phone rings. I pick up and its my mom telling me that shes coming home in 10 minutes. I hang up and yell, "OUTTA THE HOUSE NOW". I don't think I want to try that again.

[Irish]

Murphy---I figured out your problem.You said that it was a TOMcat
Being male;he was;probably jealous.Otherwise;unless you have
gay tendencies;I'd worry about a male cat;going after my genitals! Irish