what about the women??

[Dominatra]

So there's a thread about gentleman right now and the whole "chivalry" idea -- but what about women? Any women out there think it's odd to do certain things for men, and any men completely object to this??

A for example: If you've ever seen the movie "A Bronx Tale" there's the door lock test in which, the man picks up the woman, unlocks the door to his car and lets her in, and then runs around to his side. well, if the car doesn't have power locks, the woman could easily reach over and unlock his door without him having to fumble with his keys. apparently, a woman who does this is a "keeper" --- sorry to ruin your surprise men!!! LOL well, it's just a movie, but an interesting concept, and i must say, I do it all the time now - it's just common courteousy!!

[Lilith]

OK~ I come from a family that has off shoots that are extremely patriarchal. Soooooo my family goes to a HUGE Thanksgiving dinner at a home of one of those on the male dominated side. All the men are watching football while the women chat and cook... so far I was fine... my guy fluctuated between the game and the better game outside (the kids playing football:p). Well when it came time to eat (huge buffet), without a word being spoken, all the men just sat where they were while the women proceeded to fix their men's plates. I felt sooooooo weird as my guy fixed his own, like I had broken some women submissive family code of honor..... but there was no way in hell I would wait on my guy cause he expected me to do it. When I do it, if I do it, I do it because I choose to. That picture has stuck in my head... even my guy said he could not believe it! Damn am I a bitch or what?!:D:p

[Steph]

Of course you're not a bitch, Lilith!!! My family is still completely patriarchal, too. The only time the men cook is when it's outside!

I'd guess a lot of the woman at the dinner just served their husbands out of habit. When they first joined the family, that's the way it was done.

I always lean over and open the door for the man!

[axe31]

i love it when a woman holds a door for me
an ex of mine did it that was how we met
later she confest she did it so she could
check out my ass
lilith he should have fixed you a plate
lol

[Sugarsprinkles]

Lilith,
My husband's family is like that but only up to a point. We rarely have huge family dinners anymore, but when we did the women usually were in the kitchen preparing the meal while the men watched TV. But then we all either sit at the table for dinner or serve ourselves buffet style. If my husband waited for me to prepare his plate (unless I chose to simply because I felt like it) he'd still be sitting there!:D My mother told me many years ago that whatever you do in your first 3 months of marriage will become expected of you. So no waiting on him hand and foot, even tho' you're so madly in love that you want to do EVERYTHING for him. He learned early on not to expect such service. If either of us goes to the kitchen for something we'll ask if the other wants anything.
I have always reached over to unlock the car door for him. It's just simple courtesy. I'll also hold the door to the house open when he's carrying groceries in for me.

[love_2licku]

I take no offense personally if a woman does nice things like that for me, unless....I like her alot as far as a relationship and want to get to know her romantically. Then I do get offended. Personally I think its my place to make the woman feel like a goddess, a queen, the world. If I truely like or even love someone in that way, Ill do everything I can to make them happy and feel special about themselves.

Like now, I picture myself walking hand and hand with a woman i know. Walking through a park in full bloom, and I pause for a second. Whisper in her ear to stay there and kiss her cheek. walk out of view and sneak up behind her with a freshly picked batch of flowers as I hold her in my arms and caress her hair.

Oops sorry =\ got carried away but I could go on and on forever lol.

I think its cool in certain situations for the ladies to do things for the guys... likeSugar said. Unlocking the car door after I open the car door and wait for you to get in. Opening the door if im carring a load of stuff, things like that. But walking over to open the car door for me offends me. For one, the man should be opening the womans door first, so therefore she couldnt hold the door for the guy, ya know? I would be upset with myself if that happened to me. Sorry for the long post, got carried away =p

[Miltone]

I think it comes down to respect for yourself and for one another. If you love and repsect the other, you will do nice things for them, to help them or make them feel special--anything short of smothering behavior.

But then, up until almost the day she died, Grandma always fixed Grandpa's plate for him, cut his meat, the whole shot. I've let my SOs know that I'm a big boy and capable of doing for myself.

Hopefully when you or the other do something out of the ordinary to show your love and respect it's seen as that, not just as something that is expected because of some sort of social dictum.

[love_2licku]

I agree with ya Mil...the Grandma thing is ok if thats whats makes her feel better about herself and only that. I dont expect things to be done for me like that but I feel like a king when it is done because love, not because I expect it..beacuse I dont =p

[andrew]

Lilith, you are not a "bitch" sounds like some men need to be a bit independent and get on with life.

I try hard to break stereotypes and gender roles - they just get in the way of communicating about important stuff or just about any stuff.

A - feeling wild and horny

[axe31]

well said andrew to change the world
is imposible so start with one person
that becomes two then then four and so on

[legend]

i think chivalry died when women burned the bra

[Oldfart]

Legend.

Chivalry didn't die when the bras started burning, it just took

a severe kick in the nuts.

I have a memory burned into my scone of walking into a

restaurant with my wife, feeling someone behind me and holding

the door open for them as well.

A thoroughly modern (1975) lady looked at me as she pushed

past and called me a "patronising male cu*t".

The joys of radical feminism.

[Lilith]

Legend~ I never burned my bra but I don't want you to tell me I HAVE to wear it:p

[legend]

i wouldn't care if women wore nothing at all....in fact i'd probably prefer it :D

[Dominatra]

Legend --- the thought of me burning my way-too-expensive Vicky's Secret bras makes me grimace. not to knock anyone, but i think i'd feel quite weird if i suddenly stopped shaving all body hair. well not too mention i'd become quite furry --- LOL sorry to give you such a bad mental picture!!!!


OldFart --- sorry if i couldn't help but giggle at that story - not at your expense though. Acts from some radical women from that generation, from that movement are now echoing in my generation when a woman just tries to get ahead in a man's world and is labeled a 'feminist'.

[Oldfart]

Dominatra,

It took me a while to get over that.

Arse-holes come in both genders and appear to lack a clear

picture of genuine interpersonal interactions.

[scotzoidman]

Raised as a Southern Gentleman, to be courteous to all, man woman young old... in this fast-paced world, I don't always have time to hold the door for someone 20 feet away, but I try to hold it for anyone within a couple of steps... mostly I get at least a smile and/or TY, no response won't ruin my day, but the truly rude makes me wanna set the WayBack Machine to 3 seconds ago, so I can let the door "slip" & slam into their uncultured ass... ;)

[nikanik]

Being raised Southern style i have always fixed my so's plate even though he doesnt expect it. and the submissive thing is taught from a young age but its submission with power. you are taught not to take any disrespect but as the saying goes behind every great man is a greater woman. i grew up seeing men think they made a decision when really behind the scenes the woman did. so being submissive acting in public really doesnt bother me much.

[scotzoidman]

Nikanik, don't you think the movie "Steel Magnolias" showed a cross-section of the spirit of the Southern Lady? I didn't catch many false notes in that one...