playing on words

[raraa]

well i really like to see what playing on the word jokes u guys come up with. i like those the best

1. HOTEL -- I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the HOTEL everybody.

2. RECTUM -- I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady RECTUM both.

3. DISAPPOINTMENT -- My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back to the big house.

4. FORECLOSE -- If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money FORECLOSE.

5. CATACOMB -- Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody give that
CATACOMB.

6. PENIS -- I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said PENIS.

7. ISRAEL -- Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.

8. UNDERMINE -- There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment UNDERMINE.

9. TRIPOLI -- I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't find no TRIPOLI.

10. STAIN -- My mother-in-law asked if I was STAIN for dinner again.

11. SELDOM -- My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I SELDOM.

12. ODYSSEY -- I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on this hoe.

13. HORDE -- My sister got into trouble because she HORDE around in school.

14. INCOME -- I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME my wife.

15. FORTIFY -- I asked da hoe how much? And she say FORTIFY.

so what do you guys think comments welcome

[Grumble]

This is a rather long joke but it fits the bill in this thread

There was an improptu poetry competition in outback Australia.
Many would be poets turned up at the Black Stump Pub.

The rules were that a key word was given and it had to be in a certain place You had 5 minutes to make up a 4 line poem. The judges had a hard job

After a long day the two finalists were a shearer and a minister.

They tossed a coin and the minister was first. The shearer was taken to a nearby house out of earshot.

The keyword was Timbuctoo and it had to be the last word. after 5 minutes the Minister came up with

Been around for many a year
visited places far and near
souls I've saved are quite a few
including some in Timbuctoo

loud applause and the shearer was sent for.

after getting his instructions the Shearer told his poem

(for those unaccustomed to Australian slang a shiela is a woman)

Tim and I a camping went
met some shielas in a tent
they were three and we were two
so I buck one and Timbuctoo

[Oldfart]

Did you hear about the 4'6" clairvoyant who broke out

of Jail? Police are now seeking a small medium at large.

[raraa]

good i like pixies alot and i took ur advise in the pm grumblebuts sorry!!

i heard a good one today

a student is absent for school one day.
the next the headmaster sez" i believe you missed school yesterday son"

the student sez " no i didnt miss it at all"

[legend]

the class was given their homework for the evening....they had to make up a sentence using the words delight, depot, defence. The next day at school the teacher asked who would like to read the sentence they came up with.

Little Johnny waves his hand around madly, "Miss. Miss"

"Alright Johnny, what did you come up with?"

"Delight was out, depot was full, so i did it over defence." replied Johnny.

[raraa]

wow, funny one, any more??

[axe31]

are there big apples in new york
is paris all that gay