Beauty Is In The Eye of the Beholder

[Jizzlobber]

This is just sort of a general rumination, partly inspired by another post in which it was said that one thing that a poster disliked about his SO was that she didn't feel herself to be attractive, or at least that's how I read it. I've experienced this as well with my SO, mostly in the form of the comment "I'm too fat". Here's my issue with this statement. I think that is beautiful.
My current girlfriend is a big girl and that is one of the reasons that I found her attractive. I've always found that I'm physically attracted to women who are, without any attempt to euphimize, fat. The problem is, I can't tell her this. To me, big is beautiful, but obviously her size is an issue with her. Now, I try and let her know all of the time that I think she's beautiful, and very, VERY sexy but I can't tell her that the part of herself that she most dislikes is one of the things that I find most beautiful about her.
Maybe this is my attempt to ask for advice(if so, I've just posted to the wrong forum). Maybe one of you wonderfull people out there can give me some idea of how I can express to my girl that I find her body perfectly appealing without confirming to her at least this whole negative body-image thing. 'Cause I'm stumped. If no ideas are forthcoming, thanks anyway for listening t my rant.

[Lilith]

Just tell her that you wished she appreciated her body as much as you do. You seem to honestly feel attracted to her and eventually she will see that... she may still feel negative about herself. Often someone's body image has very little to do with how they look. It is about confidence and feeling worthy of love and attraction. You can not fix this for her but your love and support will help her to feel more safe and secure as she begins the process of accepting herself...... she is a lucky girl to have someone who cares about her so much.

[RandyGal]

yes do keep telling her.

Society has continually told US that we are not WORTHY of your love so what are we to think?

Big girls EVERYWHERE thank god for people like yourself......and I will have a beer in your honor tonite.

Here are a few pictures of me just SMILING at you to say "THANKS" for your words and thoughts. I so often get down...VERY down on myself for how I look when in reality I want to like/LOVE myself. I'd LOVE to hear more from men like you about body issues like this.........


Here are my thankyou smiles. :) :) :)

[Jizzlobber]

Thank you RandyGal, both for your smiles, and the dedication of a beer. Especially the beer (I am, after all, Candian eh!). I have always had a special attraction to bigger girls. In fact, I've spent a great deal of my life feeling self contious for the very fact that I always seemed to be attracted to the girls my buds would never look twice at. I really think that the whole body image thing can cut both ways a lot of the time and I also think that there are a lot of men out there who are trying thier hardest to get women based solely on what they are told they should be attracted to and not what they are actually aroused by, both physicaly and otherwise.
Anyway, I really appreciated your thoughts, and I'm also glad that something I had to say maybe brightend your day a little bit. I hope you have fun tonight, and about that beer...can you drink two in my honour instead...:D

[RandyGal]

Shit honey! After that LAST post I'll have THREE in your honor...

besides, being I'm from Minnesota, we're neighbors and it WOULD be the neighborly thing to do, eh? LOL LOL



..........eh?

:D :D :D

[Jizzlobber]

...Fuckin' Eh !...:D :D :D

[Oldfart]

It's the person behind the eyes who catches your heart,

and anyone who lets body shape (too tall, too short, too fat,

too thin, too dark, too pale, too endowed, too underendowed)

deserves everything they don't get.

[RandyGal]

Oh so very true OldFart...so very true.

[Sarriah]

Well RandyGal im Irish so i will have a drink for this thread too :D
Also i want to thank you for that wonderfull smiling pic. I to am considered heavy. And I to get down on my self for it alot not to much anymore but sometimes still. Wake up and dont even care to get dressed because i feel that nothing will fit, the fear that I will look fat in something that I normally think I look skinny in. BUT long story longer hehe I have felt much better because i have posted on this site and i have so many people who tell me i look great. And you too look great in your pics. I hope you know that and do as i do and from this day forward smile in the mirror cause there are many people out there who like what they see :D This goes for everyone not just me and randy but EVERYONE on this site or husbands of wives who feel this way. Tell them every day that they are pretty and wonderfull and just let them know, beceause if we can smile at our selves then we can be happy...

Smiling at you
Sar :D

[MTBsweetie]

RandyGal- you have one of the brightest smiles I've seen in a looong time. Jizz- It's a lot more what the culture and society tells us we should look like than the positive feedback we actually get. Those women in the magazines are already tiny and then are slimmed down MORE digitally... It's an insane myth and I'll be so glad when it is finally dispelled.

[wildfire]

I have been married to a "bigger" woman for almost ten years now and she gets more beautiful everyday. Don't feel alone Jizz, I have not been able to tell my wife that I enjoy her size very much. Maybe she can read this thread and it will help her understand plus feel a little better about herself.

[Master1012]

My girlfriend also has the self-image fat problem because all her boyfriends in the past treated her like crap and so has some of her family members about her size.

She was very self-concious, especially at first about her size. I found that just constantly telling her that her body is beautiful and sexy seemed to help some. She still thinks she is too large but if only she knew that I am attracted to that. There is more of her there to hold? I have tried telling her this, but it seems to be only having moderate success.

Anyways, people who judge other based on looks, wealth, etc. don't deserve to find the perfect mate they seem to be hunting for since they can't truly appreciate the most important thing about a partner - her personality.

[JadeFire1260]

I am very self-concious as master1012 said. I'm about 160 at 5ft 8inches. It does bother me. The first time i allowed master1012 see me i was sure he would see my fat and look away in disgust. He didn't though. He told me i was beautiful and sexy and he made me feel a lot better about myself. Lucky for me and him some of my fat did go to my chest :) Keep telling her she's beautiful, she may not act like she wants to hear it sometimes, but it really does mean a lot coming from the one you love i assure you!