Cheating???

[souls_cry2000]

I was looking through some old magazines and came across a load of articles from that whole Clinton/Monica thing. I know we're all tired of it so I tossed them out. Ladies and Gents...

What do you consider to be cheating?

[Aqua]

I think the more important question is: What does your partner consider to be cheating? My wife get upset if I talk to any girl I ever dated, even if they were just fuck-buddies...(especially if they were fuck-buddies!) I think it mainly pertains to thinking... "What would my s/o think if she found out?" Along those lines of thought, I'm dead if she evers finds out about Pixies! :eek:

[MissX]

cheating is going against the idea of what both/all partners had in the relationship? like if I'm I'm in an open relationship I expect different things to what I expect in a closed relationship but at all times the fences are poss movable - as long as we talk up front, cheating is going behind our/my back.

[Murphy]

I agree with MisX, partners need to be up front with eachother.
In my case my wife doesn't go for anything but looking and talking. as she says; "Look, but don't touch. I know you'll look, and when you stop looking i'll burry you 'cause you'd be dead".
She'll never get on Pixies and joke around like we do, it's not her thing, but you should see the way she licks an icecream cone when she knows some guy is looking...

[mtavistar]

My love and I have a very strict cheating policy-if you even think about it, it's cheating. We just both believe that if one of us ever desires to cheat, then that means somethings wrong with the relationship. However, we also believe in working through problems, so the one time I did cheat I told him right away and it let us become closer and fix the problems we had.

[Wicked Wanda]

Easy question to answer.
I think cheating is ANYTHING that requires lying to your partner.
(or withholding the truth)
This doesn't include "don't ask don't tell" agreements, because they are agreed on before.


Leagal eaglely,

WW

[danziggy]

cheating is going against the idea of what both/all partners had in the relationship

i agree with this.

to me my wife will have cheated on me if she does anything else than chat. But i could forgive her if she kissed people but not anything more. Unless i gave my permission like in a three-some or orgy!!:D :D

[Oldfart]

I am a flirt and will tease and banter to the max.

Infidelity is when I plan to take it further.

[kiwi15]

We all cheat in some way or another, don't we? I don't think that means there's anything wrong with the relationship, but it doesn't mean it's an OK thing to do if it involves physical cheating.

It seems to me that we'd all be pretty boring if we were totally devoted to our s/o. And pretty unrealistic if we expected them to reciprocate the devotion. I cheat because I don't get sex at home. If I'm found out, I won't have a home. I feel guilty about cheating. I'd like permission to satisfy my needs elsewhere but that's not going to happen.

Those who have an open relationship have much to be envied, because they don't have to cheat. Those who both want to stay totally faithful to each other (however they define faithfulness) also have much to be envied. I wonder how many of us fall into the remaining category?

[Misplaced Ice]

I think cheating is going behind your s/o's back.

My boyfriend lets me do pretty much anything but if I want to fuck the person, then I need his permission. I'm a bit more strict, he can play but no fucking in anything other than a 3some. When a guy goes down on me or fingers me at a party, we don't consider it cheating ... but I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I really wouldn't want a girl giving him a blow job unless I was there.

Cheating is subjective.

[Lovediva]

Cheating can ruin a relationship in two seconds flat. Whether is was intentional or just a fast fling..and I know sooo many of us have been there, one time or another in our lifetime. (Remember when you were...8-9-10 years of age and you had 3 or 4 on the go??? LOL ;)) But most cheating is done cause there is something LACKING in the relationship.

I would never physically cheat on my man, (unless a Pixie man showed up at my door..LOL) and I know he would never cheat on me. We have our problems, like any of you and we work to make them better. (He don't even go see strippers!! LOL!!)

But I want to throw this out to you...

Do you guys consider having a "cyber relationship" with someone over a long period of time, cyber and all..lol....but no physical contact cheating??

[Lovediva]

but you should see the way she licks an icecream cone when she knows some guy is looking...

I think we all kinda do that!! We might be human but the animal insinct is very much alive..LOL I haven't met one person who dosen't flirt a little... ;)...and alot of it goes on here!!



What does your partner consider to be cheating?

Me being Diva!!!! :D :D


I am a flirt and will tease and banter to the max.

Oldfart flirts???????? :p :D :D



Ok back to the question... :)

[Lilith]

Good question Diva~ I think you know when you have crossed that line.... For me guilt draws that line. I once talked to a person online (never met) who made it hard for me to look in my guy's face when he came home from work. It was not a good thing. Well actually it was a really good thing;) and that was the problem. Luckily he dumped me.... left me high and dry (or not dry that too being a problem :D).... taught me a very good lesson. Play at a safe distance......

I too would never have physical sex with anyone other than my guy. It would in the end be unproductive and the death of my marriage. Plus I love him and would never want to cause him pain....... I save that for the men here!:p

[souls_cry2000]

So would you consider internet playtime to be cheating then or is it tame like soft porn or soaps?

There are so many different qualities that make up relationships today. When it comes to sex most of us at Pixies tend to be on the "Dark Side" but things can change in our minds about cheating if our feelings are stepped on or insecurity creeps in.

What do you think people?

[vampeyes]

Just my two cents....I think that cheating is indeed if there is a physical act but also if you are mentally involved with another person to the extent that you feel guilty about it than you are cheating as well. For me personally i would rather have a person cheat on me with a fast fling or whatever than to be involved on another level with someone because sex can be just physical for some but when it is mental it takes a whole other level.....

[Sharni]

Do you guys consider having a "cyber relationship" with someone over a long period of time, cyber and all..lol....but no physical contact cheating??

As i don't cyber a "cyber relationship" will just not happen...too much of a hands on type of girl i'm afraid ;):p

If the "cyber relationship" was going on without my knowledge and i found out about it....you bet your ass i'd class it as cheating!! :mad:

[Lovediva]

Hmmmmm........interesting ....any more thoughts on this subject???

[JennyD]

Cheating to me would constitute my s/o doing something he wouldn't be comfortable knowing I was doing. Example? He wouldn't be happy with me kissing another man, so he shouldn't be kissing another woman unless I've given him the ok. By keeping this "treat other people the way you want to be treated" philosophy my hubby and I have avoided some relationship crippling situations.

Jenny
=:-)

[quisath]

This is Great thread............I see some very intelligent answers and I agee with most. I would never be in a relationship if cheating was involved and that goes for me.

[Prophet Reality]

My two cents worth.

When I was married this was a situation that I was in. My ex-wife thought of it this way. As long as the cyber relationship never became physical, she was okay with it. She saw it as two people exploring and talking and sharing something unique. Now that is what she told me. But when I actually got into a cyber relationship with a woman on the other side of the world, she was very pissed off. I later found out that she was actualy talking to a guy and they were calling each other when I was at work.

But if you have a trusting partner, then I don't see a problem with it. But I also think that some people are not satisfied sexually with their partners. They are happy in everything but that area and that cyber sex is a safe way to fulfill their needs. Because you get out of it all that you want and can control what happens a lot better.

[Master1012]

Cheating..

Doing anything sexual or intimate with anyone besides your signifiant other...

[Sharni]

Originally posted by Master1012
Cheating..

Doing anything sexual or intimate with anyone besides your signifiant other...
Without the knowledge :)

[sadora]

I am one of the lucky ones!!

I have found the love of my life, and have a very special relationship with him. We were best friends before we got together, and still are after 9 years of being committed.
While we are committed to each other, we have an open relationship and we swing as well.
We understand the limits as we have set them. We never feel we are cheating.. as long as there is not an emotional bond with another person.
Physical intimacy I can deal with. Emotional... no way!! We both feel we couldn't deal with that. I wouldn't want him emotionally involved with someone else. To care about them the way he does about me. To share what we share.

Anything that is done in secret is cheating.

[nutworld]

My 2 cents worth, if no one minds.

Cheating is a physical act between 2 people in the same location acting together.

I don't consider cyber cheating because its not done by 2 people in the same place. Saying that it is cheating is kinda like saying that looking at pictures and masterbating, is cheating. You are using that as your form of mental stimulation used to achieve orgasm.

My wife considers cybering cheating. So needless to say we disagree, and of course that means that she doesnt know about Pixies.

[Kissy]

We understand the limits as we have set them. We never feel we are cheating.. as long as there is not an emotional bond with another person.


My husband and I have both been intimate with other people, but it was never and will never be a secret, the only thing I felt guilty about was the lack of guilt while doing it! But if he was even hanging out with someone else and hiding that from me, I would naturally be jealous, he knows he should just ask, I usually have no problem with anything he's up for. Besides, most of the time it's harmless flirting, and since I love to go out and flirt too then I can understand that need.

I do believe it all depends on the person and their relationship. As our relationship grows, so do we, and as we change, so does it, so all this may seem obsurd years down the road.

[skipthisone]

More thoughts:

[DallasLiving]

Just my two cents.....

I have read through all of the postings so far. To most I would have to agree, some I have to disagree.

How many of the people out there remember when people used to call a guys job his mistress. Why? Because it took time away from the people that he said he loved. Devoted his time to something other than his family and it would cause problems.

If you are doing something behind someone back, to me that whole constitutes cheating. I used to have alot of friends that would say....."My S/O wouldn't mind". But they never told them to allow them to make their own decision.

You can't say that just because nothing physical happening. To many people have been totally dependant on their online fling. They tell people that they are thinking of them when they are with their S/O in bed, envisioning them doing all of the normal things together even. In some areas that is worse than going out for a one night stand that you will never see again. Because you are giving that person yourself, not just having something happen then nothing ever again. If you are going online every single day to see how the person is doing and cyber with them. Yes I would say that is cheating in a sense.

Like I said, just my 2 cents. And to quote one of the other postings. If you don't think it is cheating, tell your S/O, let them make up their own mind of what they think it is.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

This is definitely an interesting thread...and points out the many definitions a word or phrase can take on.

I am also very lucky in that I am in a situation that is pretty open. I have both a husband *and* a s/o (s/o and I have been involved off and on for the last 12+ years) and each is comfortable with the other and their place in my life. I have also had some temporary physical relationships in between.

Therefore, in my world, "cheating" really involves a situation in which my husband doesn't know, which rarely, if ever, occurs. I am very up front and honest with my husband in *all* situations...and thus, no feelings are hurt. Plus, by communicating in advance, if any boundaries have been crossed (and so far they haven't), adjustments can be made.

In my humble opinion, cheating involves deception--which can occur on many levels for many different people.

[sassylove]

I use to believe that cheating wa wrong and totally pointless. Why be in a relationship if you are gonna cheat? Well, now that I am married, I wonder if I can only be w/ my husband for the rest of our lives?

I think I should have thought of that BEFORE the vows were exchanged though....

[whitehorse]

Originally posted by souls_cry2000
I was looking through some old magazines and came across a load of articles from that whole Clinton/Monica thing. I know we're all tired of it so I tossed them out. Ladies and Gents...

What do you consider to be cheating?

I don't really want to discuss politics here, but I couldn't resist this one. When someone is elected to lead a nation they have a responsibility to the citizens. I think that whatever Hillary was willing to put up with is okay for their marriage, but not for our nation. The American people were definately cheated in this case!

[Irish]

I agree with Aqua,when he says that it's what your S/O thinks is
cheating.I think that men&women look at things differently! Irish
P.S.Don't get pissed off,women.I have been married,38yrs to the
same woman.I also have two daughters in their 30s.I think that I
know how some women think!

[always_horny]

Some good points & some 'one-eyed' ones in this thread.

I find that one question interesting though: do you think that being here, posting naked pics etc., is a form of cheating?

I guess it depends on how strict your morals are and where you draw the line.

But I also agree with similar statements made earlier to the effect of, "what would your s/o think?" or better yet, how would YOU feel is your s/o did "this" or "that".

So, what do you all think then? Does your s/o know you're here? Like the one guy said, his lady would kill him if he knew he was here! lol!

What about the rest... especially those who posted pics... ?



P.S.
I greatly agree with one point: if you do something that makes you feel guilty, then it is wrong, and you shouldn't be doing it. I feel that, if you are second-guessing your actions, then you must feel there is something wrong with them.

[Toreador]

Cheating is anything that doesn't involve me.

[airhog]

My gf and I have agreed that we will not have sex with other people. Neither of us care what we do our own hands though. I Masturbate to porn, and it doesnt bother her. She fantasizes about people in movies and such, and it doesnt bother me. If we have sex with another person, it would be both of us having sex.

[Rayna]

i asked my bf what is cheating and he basically said that "cheating is anything you do with a guy that you do not want me to do with another girl."

[whitehorse]

Originally posted by Wicked Wanda
Easy question to answer.
I think cheating is ANYTHING that requires lying to your partner.
(or withholding the truth)
This doesn't include "don't ask don't tell" agreements, because they are agreed on before.
Leagal eaglely,

WW I have to agree! What have you agreed upon before????