Jerking with another guy

[Travelinguy]

Would it be considered a lie/cheating or just in general deceptive to my wife if I were to watch porn and jerk off with another guy doing the same? I'm a little conflicted because I don't tell her every time I jerk off and there is nothing going on between me and anyone else...what do y'all think?

[Aqua]

There is no absolute definition of cheating. It's a little different for each relationship. However, the general rule is that if you feel you need to hide it, then you are likely cheating.

[Oldfart]

There is an arguable point that if the presence of the second person is a part of the impetus to orgasm, then you're a lot further down the road of intimacy than if he is merely an unconnected fellow-masturbator.

Aqua is correct in saying that there is no blanket definition of cheating, as the "rules of engagement" for every relationship differ.

Basically, if your partner thinks that the act constitutes cheating, you're fucked.

[gigi]

Do you and your wife possibly have an "understanding" where certain things can happen within the context of your relationship? Agreed that you don't tell her every single time that you masturbate. But I agree with Oldfart. Part of the thrill seems to be doing it with this guy. Think about your long term comfort (both yours and your wife's). No judgement here...do what is right for you.

[Lilith]

and post pics :)

[Travelinguy]

She 'agrees' to have sex about once every 3 or 4 months (yes I said months, not weeks) and I'm supposed to just be ok goin solo!

[Aqua]

It sounds like you are unhappy with the way things are in your marriage. The best thing would be to talk with your wife about it. I understand it's usually not that simple and certainly is no guarantee that you will have your needs met. The issue you have originally brought before us is, "Would it be cheating?"
Though related, it's a separate issue from, "My needs are not being met in this relationship."

[Travelinguy]

Yeah...in a round about way it kind of all ties into one meaning....I've talked to her about it and well let's just say that does no good. She has no interest in sex at all. Her exact words are "I'm one of those people who could never have sex again and be happy about it". I'm not selfish in bed to make her that way believe me. I'm a giver not a taker. What's bad is she thinks that's normal and I really should Ne fine with that. We were never overly sexual in the beginning but now she says I'm the one that's changed.

So my point of this is, why should I feel like I'm doing something wrong when she has absolutely no interest in sex?

[Aqua]

I'm very sorry that you're in that situation. I've been in a similar one and I have an idea of how you feel.

To answer your question... You don't necessarily need to feel bad about what you're doing. The flip side of that coin is that you are married. Generally there are vows and the underlying agreement is you will take your spouses needs and feelings into account before you act. Now, it does not sound like your wife is taking your needs and feelings into account at all. However, the saying, "two wrongs don't make a right" come to mind.

Please don't misunderstand... I'm not casting judgement. I'm merely trying to look at this from both sides of the coin.

Right and wrong is mostly determined by what you and your spouse agree too, though in some cases local laws may play a role as well, depending and where you live.

[Travelinguy]

That's helpful...I seriously doubt I would do anything anyway but jeez! Surely she could do better than once every 4 months! Oh well...it's part of the vows I guess... If I could do it and not feel the guilt I prob would but it's wrong any way you look at it I guess.

[Fangtasia]

anyway but jeez! Surely she could do better than once every 4 months!
There will be a reason your wife is that way, she may not understand it herself.

I have no sex drive, and havent for a while now. When i say none, i mean i do not even feel the need to do for myself either. Not in the least interested.
I know what basically what is behind my loss of drive and am trying to do something about it. BUT, let me say. Being told you have to have sex just because the male needs it does not make sex any more appealing, in fact you learn to dread it even more.
I am not doing it as a power leverage, regardless of what some may say, i am just as helpless in the situation as my long term partner is.

Not trying to lessen you side (male side) but be aware there is another side too.

Your not dealing with just a fanny for you to fuck. You are dealing with a woman who is, to me, obviously dealing with her own stuff. You can either try to help her deal or move on.

[Travelinguy]

I appreciate the Advice. Yeah it's obvious she is dealing with a lot more than on the surface. As you said, you are at least trying to do something about it. Hell if my wife didn't blow up at the mere mention of talking to her doctor about it I would be happy.

Let me clarify too that I'm not forcing her to fuck and I readily aknowledge she is far more than "just a fanny to fuck". I know and detest the kind of guy you are talking about. We have 2 young kids, she goes to school and deals with the fact that I have to travel for work a lot. I get that sex isn't a priority...even a thought to her.
I am an extremely patient guy...EXTREMELY. My point is, a little effort or maybe a little more than once every 4 months?

The typical questions are: is she in pain during? Nope
Does she enjoy it? Yep...if she don't go, I don't go.
Is she cheating? Nope, we are close enough I would know

Every once and a while I take her away from the kids, the house, the bills and all the other stresses. We have a great time but nothin in the bedroom. And you ask, does she feel pressured to have sex? And I would say nope, I quit bringing it up long ago. Does no good to... Just get accused of being a perv and that's all I want to do.

[Oldfart]

You can, of course, be a tricky bastard and try Plan B.

Slowly, sneakily, with small touches and nicenesses, lead her back into a tactile relationship. Sitting on the couch holding hands, date nights and anything to lead her gently to the dark side.

It will take time and blue balls the size of basketballs, but if she's worth it, you'll do it.