Stressed to the max!

[Fangtasia]

Sorry i've not been on very much at all, even less than i was before *sigh*

My youngest son is going to put me in an early grave, the last few weeks i have been living each day stressed, severely pissed, worried, bawling my eyes out, angry, sad, sobbing and many others inbetween and well i feel like i'm living in an emotional wringer! Though this has been going on for longer, but it has got worse lately....

I'm about at my limit today, i feel like a powder keg with a match a few millimeters away.

I do not know what else to do with this kid of mine, i love him with all my heart but at this time i really dont like him very much, if that makes sense.

The open disregard and defiance he is dishing out.....shit i dunno...i cant even put it into words...

Sorry guys, i needed to vent, hasnt helped a great deal, but even a bit is better than nothing. My mind is in turmoil.....i needed a shoulder is all

[Lord Snow]

If you can't vent here, I don't know where else you could go. Vent away. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I'm not a parent and haven't dealt with the teen thing before. (Other than my being a teen not so long ago.)

Mom's, Dad's....Any advice for our vampire obsessed friend?

[Lilith]

Teenagers are total assholes so we won't miss them as bad when they finally leave.

One day he will be grown. One day he will be grown. One day he will be grown. One day he will be grown. One day he will be grown. One day he will be grown. - Just keep saying it til it's true ((((hugs)))) Every time I try to hold mine accountable I'm told what a shitty life I've given him. Ungrateful beasts.

[jseal]

Fangtasia,

Although I have lived through the antagonistic antics of two teenagers, it sounds as if you’re catching it worse than I ever did. It seems as if he is to the point where you may want to consider getting outside help, before he gets himself in serious trouble.

[Fangtasia]

Thanx guys *hugz*

I've tried outside help, i've tried just about everything i can think of. He just doesnt give a shit for anyone but himself. The police were involved the other day, they cant help either until he does something criminal, ffs i DONT want him to get to that, but sadly that is were it is heading.

Can't belt his arse, cause god forbid the do gooders would have me in court. From the police, if he chooses to leave home (at 14 mind you, fucking 14!!), there is nothing we can do.

When he turns into real trouble, those same do gooders will be the ones that will blame the parenting, yeah great.

My son is breaking my heart, and i have sat and talked with him about this shit, and he couldnt care less, its killing me

[Oldfart]

Is there another reason why this is hitting you so hard?

This sounds like Mrs OF at peri-menopause, when your body is practicing to be a pain.

[Lilith]

Is he seeing a counselor? If I remember right he has some challenges that make the teen years even more treacherous. Is he on meds? You can PM me if you don't want to spew it all here :)

[Fangtasia]

OF ~ hun i have been on the lips of menopause for about 10yrs, i don't think thats making it harder. It's more i'm scared i'm going to lose him :(

Lil ~ He was seeing someone at the mental health unit here, but he has finished, though i will be ringing them again tomorrow to see if they can steer me in the right direction. My eldest has Aspergers hun. My youngest was never diagnosed, though the school fully believed he was, and i had my ball headed to the Aspergers court with him too, and that IMHO is what the problem is, School is a MAJOR problem for him. He does have O.D.D (oppositional defiance disorder) and boy does that seem to be in full swing. He is prescribed meds hun, for ADHD, but he flatly refuses to take them, and well, i cant force them down his throat in reality.

I dont mind dropping it on here hun, Pixies is like family for me, even though i havent been able to get here as much as i would like.

[Fangtasia]

Update: Another day of school refusal, and not coming home. Finally he comes into a very upset (teary) Mum.

So we wait while i recover, get past the few lies i fully expected him to try to feed me, and sat and talked, and i mean really talked. So i think i got a better handle on the few issues that are the main prob, so i'll be tackling them tomorrow or next week if possible. So school appointments to be made (both at current and possible new), find a private councilor for him to talk, doctor's appointment (i'm pretty sure he's got a bit of depression happening), & mental health unit to see where else i can go (tho he doesnt want to go back here, doesnt like the bloke apparently...fair enough).

Fingers crossed i can get this kid some help and peace back into this household...

[Pita]

Fangtasia, while I'm not having the same issue you are having, I am dealing with a 17 year old daughter, just diagnosed with panic disorder, and I'm trying like hell for her not to drop out of her senior year. We have had big issues with her since she was 14. I knew it would be hard to get through the teenage years, but DAMN!!! Big hugs to you and I hope things get better.

[Lilith]

Fang,
Here in my area a child like yours would qualify for special school services. We have classrooms and whole schools that are dealing with students who have ODD, unmedicated ADHD, Depressions and a host of other issues. That is what I have done for the past 4 years but on the elementary level. When I feel my students can not be successful in a typical school setting I have the option of placing them at a special day school where the ratios are much lower, there is a much more therapeutic approach to their day and they still go home at night- escorted. Do you have schools in your area specifically for students with Emotional and Behavioral Disabilities?

I'm glad you guys talked. Once they talk it helps, even if just for a little while.((hugs)) You are the strongest person I know. Your child is so lucky to have gotten you for a mom. A lot of other moms would not have done as well as you have for him.

TT,
Is she on an anti-anxiety med? My son struggled and we saw a counselor for a while. He explained the whole "fight or flight" concept to my son and it really helped him to understand what was happening in his body. He decided to try karate, which affords an energy release, builds confidence, gives him routines to practice when he's stressed. It emcompassed all the things he was "inventing" to do when he was freaked out but channeled them. Does she have an outlet?

[Rhiannon]

HI Tess
I too have a panic disorder that came about from being the one in control the entire time. When my dad passed number of years ago and i was the one that went every day and etc other issues going on. My body broke down. I have been on Lexapro for the depression side and Buspar for the anxiety. I have not had a full blown attack in quite a while.

It does get easier in time and i am sorry you are going through this. Its harder on the person going through it believe me as many people aren't understanding about it all. My EX wasn't at the time. Could be why he is an EX now. My mate now is very understanding as he has seen a full attack happened and understands so much better


If you need anything please feel free to PM me.

Rhiannon

[Aqua]

Fang,
I'm glad you guys talked. Once they talk it helps, even if just for a little while.((hugs)) You are the strongest person I know. Your child is so lucky to have gotten you for a mom. A lot of other moms would not have done as well as you have for him.

I agree with this sentiment completely.

(((((((Fang)))))))

[scotzoidman]

I do not know what else to do with this kid of mine, i love him with all my heart but at this time i really dont like him very much, if that makes sense.

That actually makes all kinds of sense. Been dealing with #1, with ADHD, AS, petit mal epilepsy, & whatever else they can pull out of the book, & he's 26 now; still not worth the powder it would take to blow him away (I know, that sounds awful coming from a dad), the only consolation mrs zoid & I take away is that he's not quite as F'd up as his live-in GF (he at least has some self-awareness, if not the ability to self-improve).

Continue to vent, & share as much as you can stand right here. If we can't help, at least we're pretty much all sympathetic ears...

[Pita]

Lil and Rhiannon, thank you both for your concern. My daughter has just started taking Lexapro daily and Ativan as needed. She is starting thearpy where they have a 12-step program to help kids deal with panic disorder. It's been a shock to see this emerge in her, but we are hopeful that we can get a grip on it and she can get the help she needs to get on with her life.

[themi01]

Fang

I too can sympathize my daughter was diagnosed with ADD she's 25 now but even though she had help I can't help but feel I failed her for not doing more now my son who is 19 is studying at BU for theoretical Physics he's doing fine but ask him to build a square box good luck .... my daughter however can just my :2cents: PM me with any further concerns though I think that Lil ,Tess and all gave you pretty good advice


Mike

[Fangtasia]

Thanx for the advice and, even for just listening *hugz all*

I've made an appointment with another school (flexi schooling), i dunno if that will make much difference though. But gawd i hope so.

He says he is going to school, but i bloodywell know he isnt, i ring or drop into the school to check. He rang me earlier today say he was going, he was to be home sick as he had a temperature and looked not well. My bullshit meter went on high alert, so i dropped by the school on my way home, guess who, AGAIN, wasnt at school, caught the bus in, arrived at school, but then took off. So my son is wandering the city around fuck knows where, with fuck knows who, doing fuck knows what!!

And all this after we had a good chat and he promised me he would go to school, and he would try not to worry me anymore. Pffttt, shows how much he cares for me or anyone else.

His lies are out of control, his attitude is the freaking pits, and i'm at a loss at what to do to turn him around to be honest.

Anyway i'll tackle the school thing first.

I have a number for a councilor, i'm hoping to be able to drop in to the office tomorrow to find out more about that.

Not gonna do much good though if he doesnt want to help himself *sigh*

[Oldfart]

Does the young one have a reason for avoiding school, bullying by peers or teachers or such?

[Fangtasia]

I found out last night, that yes he does appear to have a reason for not wanting to go to school. Bullying is a big issue at this school, even if they wont admit it. Apparently kids are waiting for him from the bus stop and continue to harrass him all day, and a few of them live near home, soooooo i'll be visiting their parents i think, especially one young lad parental units. Most of the bullies hunt in packs, but this kid is constantly looking to fight my youngest, after him at all times, even though my son swears he has done nothing to this boy, soooo i will be finding out a bit more and confronting the lad and the lads parents.

After doing some more research on the new school i'm looking at, chances are this is where he will go, 1600 students to a more relaxed 20-30 students is a far better option as far as i'm concerned.

[Lord Snow]

If I may make a suggestion about you talking with the parents. Make sure the kids aren't involved. More or less make them aware of the situation so they can take action and make it clear that telling who tattled will only make things worse. I was one of the bullied in school and anytime my Mom talked to the other kids' parents they always told who told on them. So they just made it worse later.

[Fangtasia]

I dont care if the little shit knows who told, this is not normal bullying by a long shot. I was also bullied at school, but what i got and what kids have to deal with now a quite different. I will be making it quite clear to both the kid and the kids parents that anyone laying a violent hand on my son will be charged with assault. I'm thoroughly over these little thugs.

[Oldfart]

These seem past the point of youthful antics, this is aggravated assault.

[Lord Snow]

When I posted I was under the impression that it was standard bullying. Not them beating the snots out of your kid.

[Oldfart]

Mind you, a kid shouldn't unreasonably hang onto his snots.

[Lord Snow]

No, but he should be allowed to pick or blow them out. Not have them forcefully removed.

[Oldfart]

There is a difference between picking a fight and picking a snot.

[Fangtasia]

Depends how tough the snot is i spose

[themi01]

ok in my day we as kids were to a certain extent were allowed to work the beating of snot out among ourselves ... now me with a handicap I beat the crap out of one of the toughest kids in class put him in his place and elevated me several levels Today I know its all different the best advice would be sit your son down and tell him he's better that that ...... aww shoot take the offending kid where no one can see and beat him silly I mean your son not you today the talking to is the better choice hope this helps

[Fangtasia]

Well the saga continues *sigh*

Looks like my son will be at the least suspended from school for the rest of the year....or quite possibly expelled...

Decided to do another hookey day with another student, a 'friend', and the other student decided to do some stealing, my son stayed there so is now just as guilty by association. Now that they have been caught the 'friend'(whom i warned my son about) is pointing the finger at my son and saying he did it.

Anyway, now just waiting to see if charges will be laid, if so, my son is about to meet the police in an official capacity *sigh*

[PantyFanatic]

I hope this was a 'petty theft' type thing. If so, this may turn to be a good thing in learning there ARE rules that have to be followed and WILL be enforced by an authority who DOESN'T love me in spite of what I do, like 'Mum'. :shrug:

[Oldfart]

If your son says " it wasn't me" and sticks to it come hell or high water, unless there's a witness there's not much the cops can do (I think).

Better this than an assault or a major theft.