What is WRONG with me???

[AngelicVampires]

Ok...so I am happily engaged...

About 4 months ago I told my ex to not contact me if he was going to get an attitude with me. He contacted me a couple days ago to say congrats on the engagement (which shocked me). The next day (yes, I brought it on myself) he told me that he had been dating my mortal enemy. The only reason she is my enemy is because he very nearly cheated on me with her when he and I were dating. Ok...to be fair...she kissed him and he said he didn't pull away like he should have. He also told me that they are roommates now (although they aren't dating now...they dated for nearly a year). So why the hell does it bother me so much? I can honestly say that he is the only person on the planet that I absolutely HATE. But for some reason, it really pissed me off thinking about him doing anything sexual with her. I don't understand myself. I shouldn't care...maybe I need to see a shrink about my anger issues... :huh:

[shadowsfate]

I wouldn't call it an anger issue, more of a "he/she made me miserable, and so he/she should be miserable for life" thing. Or maybe that's just me. I've been there before (though I can't say that I currently hate any of my exs, though there have been time where I did), and I couldn't stand the thought of them with anyone else, even when I had no desire to be back together with them again. Just the thought of them being happy when I wasn't (or even when I was) just annoyed me to no end.

Granted, this post probably is of no help getting over it, but at least you know you aren't alone in those types of feeling :rofl:

[AngelicVampires]

I thought I was just crazy. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that has felt this way.

[shadowsfate]

I thought I was just crazy. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that has felt this way.

Well, I'm the LAST person to judge sanity (and personally, I prefer insanity to what the world around me considers sane :roflmao:), but I've heard similar things from friends before, so you are most definitely not alone in this

[FlirtWithMe]

First of all, congratulations on your engagement :loveshowe Is that your ring in your avatar? If so, it's beautiful!

Next, I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. This is all to do with the ex boyfriend. The way I read it is that he's trying to manipulate you by playing with your feelings, telling you things he knows will piss you off or upset you. That is just not on. He seems to have some kind of need to hang on to a little piece of the past with you by bringing up something that he knows will hurt you.

My advice? Walk away from him. Leave it in the past. Let HIM deal with the fact you are going to marry another man, and don't let him manipulate your feelings anymore.

We all feel a little bit of pain when ex's get together with someone who should be out of bounds to them, but why did you need to know? Why did he choose to share that with you? He could have kept it to himself and you'd have been none the wiser. He told you because he wanted a reaction, wanted to set your mind racing, wanted you to remember the times you had with him. Don't let him do this to you, you're worth so much more than that.

I feel I might be sounding a little hard on him, but my sister was under the spell of a guy like this for a long, long time and he caused her years of pain, just by not allowing her to fully let go, by turning up when she least expected it, totally manipulating her, and I had to watch him do this to her. As far as I know he still shows up every now and then 'for old times sake' :rolleyes:

Like I said, it is normal to feel a twinge or 'something' when faced with the news you were given, but his reasonings for sharing that with you can only be malicious or in some way to make you doubt your feelings for your fiancé, make you doubt yourself, your own feelings - something. He shouldn't have told you. Walk away, and enjoy your life with your new current man. Let the ex wallow in the memories of what he's lost :)

I wish you a happy engagement and a wonderful future with the good guy :)

[jseal]

AngelicVampires,

You had and have remaining powerful emotions of these two people. It is not surprising that your responses to him are extreme. Move your life on. Leave them behind. If you are like most, in time they will fade.

[AngelicVampires]

Thank you both. I ended the conversation with him by asking him to not contact me anymore. When he asked why I said "I am happier without you in my life." Hopefully that will be the end of it.

[gekkogecko]

There's nothing wrong here that a proper application of high explosives won't fix.

(OK, if you *really* dont' get it: there was nothing serious about that statement).

[AngelicVampires]

What a marvelous idea GG...

[themi01]

May I be permitted to rig it ?

[Oldfart]

Strong emotions are neutral, it's the spin we put on them that we perceive as hate and love. This is how love changes to hate in a micro-second, and sometimes vice-versa.

When you can remove the emotional connection, it'll all just fade into irrelevancy, it just plain won't matter any more.

themi01, no, it's the red terminal.

[shadowsfate]

When you can remove the emotional connection, it'll all just fade into irrelevancy, it just plain won't matter any more.


This makes a lot of sense to me. Looking back now at some of the girlfriends from my past (specifically the ones that have hurt me), the pain and hurt I remember suffering through has basically faded away to a dim memory. While I don't talk to most of them anymore, there is one that I still hear from on occasions. In the past, we both hurt each other in many different ways. But we've both grown since then, and now we have what most people would consider a true friendship, and none of the hurt is remembered. It seems that old adage may be true, time heals all wounds.

[AngelicVampires]

I just wish he would leave me alone. I know he stopped in to read my post. That's fine...I just would like him to be gone in every way from my life. The little weasel keeps finding cracks to slip through to be a constant annoyance.... :argue:

[MommyMaggie]

Okay, I am going to put my big butt smack in the midst of your business....but, you posted about it so fair game, right?

Anyway, first things first - you are not insane. The fact that you are not an ice queen that can completely disconnect with another human being that you once had feelings for is not crazy but rather the opposite. Second, it's all about the dibs baby. I don't even like it when people take my regular parking space ... and that's a parking space ;)

Lastly, focus on the celebration. Boys will always be boys and even though you are not the ice queen above - you must act like you are. Bullies don't stay where they can't get attention - neither do men. And who gives two shits if he read your post or whatever. Just act like it is over and it will be.

just my .02

[Wolf's Woof]

I'm new around here Angelic Vampires but from what I've seen, there is nothing wrong with you. Enjoy your engagement (GRATS!) and if he keeps bothering you, let me know. I'm in Ohio as well and I know a few good places to hide the body. :blink:

[AngelicVampires]

Thank goodness I haven't heard from him in quite a while. Here's to hoping it stays that way!

Wolf's Woof - Yay! A fellow Ohioan...I'll keep you in mind ;)

[gekkogecko]

Fire in the hole!

Fire in the hole!

Fire in the hole!